Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

29 December 2009

Christmas Time ... Dec 29, 2009

Christmas time has always had a special place in my heart. Back when I was kid and realised there was no Santa Claus really but still it was nice to lie still in bed on Christmas Eve and imagine the sleigh bells and the Ho Ho Hos ...

And as I got older and lived away from home when I started working, present shopping, last minute lunches with church friends before we all headed home to our small towns added to the happy feelings of the season.

Although the last few years have been somewhat marred by the disintegration of my marriage, I've tried to recreate in my mind the same festive feelings I had as a child. Hoping to share and create images for my daughters. Poor things have not really had very joyous Christmases but with each year, we are trying to make them memorable for them.

After nearly 20 odd years my brother, sister, my daughters and I attended Christmas service on the 24th in our church in Brickfields. We 3 walked in together and crossing that threshold into the church compound just brought back so many memories for each of us. It has been a long time since we 3 siblings went together and it being Christmas time made it even more special for us. I will always cherish this Christmas and give thanks to God for prayers answered.

We nearly might not have celebrated Christmas this year as 2 weeks before dad had to undergo surgery and amputate 2 toes - being diabetic and a stubborn one at that since his stroke, he'd gotten a wound which turned gangrene despite best efforts to keep it clean. 9 days of hospital shuttling with mom and brother taking turns to watch over dad, me shuttling between hospital and home to keep kids and maid in order. Dad being discharged with a clean bill on the wound was good news and Christmas looked even brighter.

This Christmas, we decided to keep it family - being a Friday and a vege day in my house. Mom cooked some simple dishes and we were all at home. Sister and bro-inlaw had arrived, so it was a full house. There was a BBQ planned for the 26th and each of us had our friends over.

As usual Christmas at the Georges is something that brings people from all walks of life and ages together for a good time of celebration of food, company and leaving troubles behind, even if we have to pick them up the next day ... but for that evening it was magical in my eyes.

The group was smaller than in the past years, but I am sure this will always tip on either side of the scale. We've had 200+ ppl at the same time in 2005 and this year we had just under 40 but all the same we shared in friendships and good cheer.

The BBQ ended Sunday morning when the last of guests left about 7am and it was a slow day to recuperate. We missed some others who were not able to make it or present but they remain in our hearts always.

I have to say after a really trying frustrating year, I thoroughly enjoyed Christmas 2009. It was in many ways a Christmas I find hard to describe with words. The usual George family dramas, stress and outbursts took place. And yet this is what I suppose makes it so much more special, when the extended family and friends arrive, we know how to give everyone a good time and it amazes me how so many look forward to begin their annual winding down with a Georges Christmas do ... I so look forward to opening my home to many many more such Christmases.

We might not have jack frost nipping at our noses, and no Frosty the snowman or chestnuts roasting on an open fire ... not even a blue White Christmas, but I feel just perfectly happy to be surrounded by those I love most dearly in my life and to know so many others love me too with all my spots and faults.

Blessed Christmas everyone ... isn't it just a simply special time of the year?

7 Years On We Trudge .... Dec 29, 2009

Well well well ... another year comes to an end ... but so many things remain unfinished.

The most trying being trying to get 'divorced' from Jacob. I mean COME ON!!! it's into it's 7th year since he walked out and I am STILL legally his wife. The irony to this is illegally illegitimately he now has a son to boot in this merry madness!

So came March 13th, after endless stupid negotiations with yet another know-it-all lawyer brought in by the sister of the mistress - I mean every single scam in the lawyer's book of scams they have thrown at me in the last 7 years to delay has been amazing. These days before I go to court (for which I wasted a lot of my Annual Leave in 2009) I already know what will happen, what trick they will pull, and how they will pull it and how the obviously already disgraceful judicial system will allow the oppressor more time to oppress the oppressed instead of meting out justice where it should be meted out.

So on 13th March - we came up with a Consent Order. The 2 key points that took 3+hours and then Jacob still had no balls to stick to his word when the Sia sisters said No Go ... made me laugh - how pathetic can a person be! ... RM2300 a month halved when the elder reaches 18 (she's turning 10 in 3mths) and nothing more when the younger turns 18 (who incidently is going on 8 in May). Mind you he promised it would be paid on the 7th of each month - hahahahahaahahahahahahah like that happens! Only before any court date, suddenly miraculously a cheque will appear for some 6-8 months ago never in full for all months.

And this from someone who is Senior Director, Regional Demand Planning APAC, Customer Delivery Operations (CDO) at Alcatel-Lucent living on expat package in China. I am guessing here if RM2+k is so difficult to come up with for a position like that, then it must be there about McD's counter service salary scale (haahahhaahah ok ok I earn pittance but REALLY here! and then pro-rating it when it finally comes in the form of a cheque - I swear my tolerance level and sense of humour at this comic tragedy they insist on playing has increased over the years!!). Didn't think a 77K strong multi-national was such a bad employer in terms of salary perks for expats!! No wonder I work in a local Sdn. Bhd. - it makes more sense when I take home my salary and count the sen then!!

His crafty counsel as a counter proposal to my RM100k for each daughter as an education fund for their tertiary since although they said education is paid for by the company Jacob works for till University, Jacob refuses to include his daughters in that benefit (apparently being born a girl means you have no right to furthering your education in this day and age - well at least from Jacob and the Sia sisters point of view that is. Let me guess whose name is down for those benefits???) So crafty lawyer says Jacob is agreeable to an Education Policy of RM150k each daughter (surrender value for those in the know of insurance and how it works) but alas .... 9months have passed and they have proposed anything but that - each time requesting more time to rectify their mistake.

You would have then thought that the Honourable Judge might have done an honorable thing and chosen my submissions over their crappy porposals but noooooooooooo apparently judge feels they should be given more time. Now judge is being transferred to Shah Alam and so instead of giving an Order, judge has set a new date in Feb 2010 before a new judge who will also in the end give in to innumerable requests by Jacob's side for postponements and delays (and I say this from experience - we're going into judge number 4 or 5 now for this matter!)

Apparently in the Malaysian Judiciary, making a decision is a difficult thing for these people in the hot seat (just look at how every case of any nature progresses these days!) because apparently going to the Court of Appeal will eventually make some of them look really stupid even if they did give good judgement - Oh Well we are in Bolehland afterall.

When all of this news came back to me 23rd of December, I have to admit I sat down and cried my eyes out. I had to get it out of my system. I had every intention to celebrate Christmas in an upbeat mood. No more of that ghost of Christmas 2002 when all this began. It has been a long battle.

And you know what? I know what Jacob is hoping for, that like other times in the past when he wanted something I opposed to, he'd keep at it in his usual way and eventually he'd get his way. Well sorry dude, you're banking on the .ani from the past, you've changed me into something you've no idea what tenacity you're up against now.

The crying was merely at the frustration of being at the receiving end of injustice for so long. And I wondered, I am educated working woman and I have had so much trial and tribulation just to get a divorce with something for my kids (What about those other women who have no knowledge of their rights or money to get help). Were I to be asking for 600million or something to that effect I can understand being fought every penny, RM300k as a contribution to the girls education fund. Any parent knows that's peanuts in today's education costs. It won't even cover 1 year of Engineering or Medicine (yes I see potential in my girls why should I shortchange them??)

But at least there's something to kick off with. Whilst I drill the girls daily to study harder, work harder, score better. Whilst i scrimp and save and try to put pennies and hope to make them dollars. All I have to offer as a mother along with love and caring is a chance at an education that will take them to greater heights and then my job is done. Apparently their father does not share that same sentiment. But then when all his expenses were paid for by his working brothers, what would he know of the value of an education desired and no funds to ignite that dream.

Life is always full of ironies. But if I calculate it right, I see some ironies in the future. I have begun to make peace with myself on so many issues and I see better now. Clarity of vision is vital to survival as is instinct in a world where people never pause to reflect as they mete out injustice.

7th year so what. Drag it out as much as you want, I am patient ... very very patient. After all I'm not going anywhere anytime soon :) ...

27 October 2009

Goodbye GeoCities .... Oct 27, 2009

I remember way back in 1996-97, when I first entered this wonderful experience of chatting, surfing and being and internet freak, there was a place called GeoCities. We had hmtl chatrooms, we could private chat, we could even have our own little easy to create and maintain webpages - sorta like the start of all this blogging mania that continues today.

On Geocities, I met many interesting people from around the world. And as we chatted, exchanged information, teased, flirted, some fell in love and were happily ever after, some fell in love on to crash boom bang one net met real life, it was a vibrant platform for interaction across all corners of the world.

There were chats themes and for all lifestyles. I remember I met my best friend on one of those alternative websites. We started talking. I was in a stage of learning that people's choice of sexual liaisons was a personal choice and one that did not usually dictate the rest of their interactions. Speaking with the gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals, transexuals in that particular room, and I discovered friends and friendships that opened my mind and made me more understanding. Just because someone is different from you it doesn't make them wrong, because there will come a time you might be different from the rest too. These were extremely intelligent, successful, caring loving friends. And me and my best friend, we have stood the test of time and distance and I can only love him more for the wonderful person he is. ~~~MEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWW~~~ you know who you are :))

The most significant chatroom in Geocities which touched my life and I made so many friends globally was the Rainforest. And in the Rainforest, I was known as the lioness. :)) doesn't take a genius to figure out this was because I live in a Rainforest country and I am a Leo hence the lioness. If I look at my Yahoo Messenger and email address book, I still have many of those friends from that time whom I keep in touch with some sporadically some more frequently. And all have remained amazing supportive friends through the years.

Many I have met in person either in my travels abroad before or they've made trips or in transit in Malaysia. And we met with some misgivings at meeting someone who other than typed words exchanged was really a stranger only to find when we said hello, there was none of the 'stranger anxieties' but really just friends catching up in person. Conversations flowed easily, like as if we did this every other day. Three people who immediately pop into my mind from the Rainforest are AbbyN, Pseudoreal, and Silas - and 13 yrs later, we're still in touch. The power of internet eradicating distances.

I had my first 'blog' too on Geocities. It was called the Lioness of The Rainforest (I think - my friend .sha would remember better coz he reminded me of this final days of Geocities). I put up pictures, I had stories about my love story with Jacob. I had poems. I actually wrote all of the html codes myself even with funky flashing text and all. It was my pride and joy. When in 1997 I moved to KLIA site, .sha did me a favour and backed up all my files and pictures of my spot on the web and gave it to me in the harddrive of Charles my pc. Charles the pc has long died and the harddrive was saved (still have it wrapped in exactly the same plastic .sha gave it to me in after he'd rescued it just for posterity sake) Charles the pc was a 486 running Windows 95 - ahahha man have we come a long way now ....

Some of the material from Lioness of the Rainforest I had in written form which I have since loaded into my more current blogs. Some of it remain on Charles the pc's harddrive that is obsolete and forever shall remain thre.

Goodbye Geocities. It was the catalyst to an amazing menagerie of friendships that have lasted 13 years and I am confident will survive the test of time. Thank you for the memories, thank you for the experience.... and you were doing great until Yahoo bought you and things got a bit more complicated. I am sure many of your early users also hold extremely fond memories of your. RIP Geocities.

22 October 2009

Ooooops ... Oct 21, 2009

Teoh Beng Hock's Cause of Death .... if you can't read it on Malaysiakini here's the text below.

KUALA LUMPUR, Oct 21 — Thai pathologist Dr Pornthip Rojanasunand told the coroner’s court this morning that there was an 80 per cent probability that Teoh Beng Hock’s death was homicide and not suicide, and suggested that some of his injuries were sustained before his fatal fall.

Under questioning from Selangor state lawyer, Malik Imtiaz Sarwar, Dr Pornthip testified that the political aide was indeed alive when he hit the ground but added that he was unconscious, judging from the lack of injuries to his wrists and ankles.

She explained that if he were still conscious when he fell, there would have been “reaction wounds” to show he had instinctively tried to stop from hitting the ground.

She said that Teoh’s injuries showed he could have been strangled and that he sustained anal penetration before he fell to his death on July 16.

Dr Pornthip added that Teoh could have passed out as a result of the strangulation or from the pain from injuries to his anal region.

She told the court that the likelihood that Teoh had committed suicide — the theory previously put forward by the two pathologists who examined Teoh’s body after death — was only 20 per cent.

The stunning testimony made by the forensic expert, who gained international prominence from her work in identifying the 2004 Asian tsunami victims and more recently in the death of Hollywood star David Carradine, appeared to suggest Teoh was assaulted before his death.

Using a graphics presentation, the 54-year-old who has carried out over 10,000 autopsies over the last 27 years, told the court that not all the injuries sustained by Teoh were consistent with those caused by a fall.

The anal tear, which she described as a “penetrating injury”, appeared to have happened before he fell.

Dr Pornthip noted that the tear measured 6cm-wide by 2cm-long.

She rejected the idea that the anus was penetrated by a bone fragment, which had been put forward by local pathologist, Dr Khairul Aznam Ibrahim from the Hospital Tengku Rahimah Ampuan in Klang.

She reasoned that if that had happened, the force would have punctured the area opposite its entry and not as what was shown in the autopsy photos taken.

She suggested that they were caused by an object inserted into Teoh’s anus from a bottom-up direction, which she indicated with a blue arrow on a picture slide projected on a white screen in the darkened courtroom this morning.

“This kind of injury, I’ve not seen in cases of fall from height,” the director-general of Thailand’s Central Institute of Forensic Science (CIFS) said.

However, she could not say what the object was.

She also said that the depth of the tear was not measured or mentioned in the autopsy report.

Dr Khairul had jointly written the autopsy report with Indian pathologist Dr Prashant Naresh Samberkar who is currently based at the Universiti Malaya Medical Centre in Kuala Lumpur.

Several stripes on Teoh’s upper thighs, just below the buttocks were also pointed out as inconsistent with injuries caused by a fall.

Dr Pornthip suggested the horizontal lines were the result of a beating with a stick.

She added that if she had carried out the autopsy on Teoh, she would have cut open the thighs just under the skin to check for internal bleeding in order to confirm her theory.

She also pointed out several “round” bruises on Teoh’s neck, which could mean “manual strangulation” by fingers.

Her lengthy explanation on Teoh’s neck injuries was peppered with graphic references to her own case studies of strangulation victims.

The skull fracture on Teoh’s head, she said, was not typical of an injury from a fall, but more compatible with the result of blunt force applied directly to the skull.

“I found contusion on fracture line, so the fracture could be caused by blunt force injury directly on skull,” she said, explaining why she disagreed with Dr Khairul’s and Dr Prashant’s theory.

The two doctors who performed Teoh’s autopsy had previously put forward the idea that the head injury may have been caused by the momentum of the landing.

“For transfer of force, (you) only find ring fracture at base of the skull along (the) spinal column, not a linear fracture and not a cervical spine fracture,” she added.

She said that her assessment was based on Teoh’s autopsy report, the photographs of his injuries and from snapshots taken at the site where his body was found.

Dr Pornthip who had earlier suggested that Teoh may have been dragged before he plunged to his death told the coroner’s court after lunch break that she no longer held the view.

In her testimony earlier, she had contradicted Dr Prashant’s idea that it was caused by the impact on the ground.

She explained that she had been allowed to view the original pictures of the shoe, which are of a better quality than the copies she had been provided, and confirmed that the marks on the sole were indeed caused by the impact when Teoh landed on the hard and rough ground feet first.

She told the court she would like to carry out her own autopsy on Teoh, but magistrate Azmil Muntapha Abas who is acting as coroner in the inquest, indicated that it may be too late to do so at this stage.

Dr Pornthip had also previously sent two assistants to join the court to survey where Teoh’s body was found on a 5th-floor landing outside the offices of the Selangor branch of the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) in Plaza Masalam here.

Teoh, who was the political secretary to a DAP state executive councillor, had been questioned overnight on July 15 to help an ongoing investigation into claims his boss had misused state funds.

Dr Pornthip was engaged as an expert witness by the Selangor state government.

She had been among the first names suggested to carry out a joint autopsy on Teoh, but was rejected by his family whose reasons remain unknown.

Earlier, she told the court that she had conducted over 10,000 autopsies in her career, of which more than 100 dealt with fatal falls from high places.

She estimated Teoh to have died between 6am and 8am on July 16.

Now isn't this finding interesting hmmmm .... After all the crap that chap Hishamuddin Hashim came out and said, I really dunno if they think all Malaysians are absolutely daft and dumb to think Teoh actually committed suicide.

It scares me to think that the powers that be can so blatantly lie. But I am looking forward to seeing just how they still manage to wrap this up in a nice bundle and say the boy killed himself.

Justice are you forever blind????????

16 October 2009

Happy Diwali .... Oct 16, 2009

Here's sending you the warmest of wishes to all the netizen on this happy celebration of Light.

"On the eve of when Good overcomes Evil;
When in the morning hour Light overcomes Darkness;
We send you wishes warm and bright this Diwali"

Loads of love and hugs from us 3 - .ani, Ashna and Kasha

28 September 2009

Should We Also Scoff??? .... Sept 28, 2009

Indonesian Embassy scoffs at War On Malaysia claims. Makes me go hmmmmm ...

Ok if you read that Dailychilli.com's Loony War Plan this morning and then the ambassador's dismissing it as ludicrous. Well ok if you see what their numbers or lack thereof, we too might join in and take it all too lightly and scoff and this ragtag team calling themselves Benteng Demokrasi Rakyat (Bendera).

I for one think sometimes in our total Boleh-land fairytales and myths to truth land we live in ignore some very seriously obvious details.

If you read the articles, apparently 10 spies have been sent on a reconnaissance mission to identify landing areas for this attack on Malaysia.

Errrr ok but can I just stand corrected here ... we have about 500k registered Indonesians working in Malaysia the last time such statics were issued - not to mention the fact that in every 4 out of 5 Malaysian households there is at least one Indonesian maid. That coupled with the fact that there are likely several million illegal immigrants, stolen identities and well election provided citizenships ... of a race of people who are forever Indonesians whilst they enjoy their new found 'bumi' status perks we're in quite deep shits me thinks.

Aside also from the fact the number of Indonesian descent politicians we have - one such Mr. Oyot comes to mind, ... should be really be scoffing at such a threat??

I dunno la. Perhaps we like to pretend we're all shiny happy people. And what Beyonce wears is more important than possibly having our throats slit while we sleep in our very posh homes (for those of that stature).. I mean come on how long do you think you can keep stealing from other people before someone decides to say enough with this crap - this is ours and since you like us so much, let's just invade you.

Malingsia - is what they call us in Indonesia ... the Thieves of Asia, and well I come from a very deep rooted ancestry of Indian and Chinese history, my ancestors stole nothing, we're quite proud of what our culture, language and heritage is all about. But then this nomadic pirate type people who suddenly found themselves in a land with potential, displacing the rightful princes of the land the indigenous folks - okay so they don't actually have exciting names like the Native Americans ... I mean how does Jakun and Sakai measure up to gems like Sioux and Cherokee???

Now you have to build a culture to call your own. To legitimise your existence as a 'cultured' civilised' lot .. so what else can one do but first copy, then rewrite all the history books and eradicate the origins of everything. And suddenly we have Malaysia Truly Asia. Then using this learnt culture and credibility you try to lord over the rest of us historically rich people.

Tsk tsk tsk ... this country saddens me. Where is the history that I learnt which made me so proud of how this nation was built. We have only fairytales now perpetuated as truths. Everyday more and more myths become truths, truths erased from the annals of time, to forever never be spoken or made known.

How the Kapitans and the tin miners, the Kangani and the rubber tappers, the merchants and the traders and the men of faith ... oh how they must roll in their graves in such anguish at what we have become today.

So whilst the rest of you scoff, I think I will be a little more vigilant, and if anyone decides they want to send me to Indonesia on work, sorry no go, I have kids to raise. Dying does not make me a hero in your eyes, I will not be martyred because I am not one of you or so you keep reminding me!!

Thieves of Asia sounds so much more appealing ... almost like a Caribbean swashbuckling tale with Bijan and Hamsor in lead roles ... and I can see where some other prominent wannabes will be in this tale.

Am off . I wonder if they'll come to collect me to check-in the hotel someone wants to fill to the brim ... till then, the Bendera chaps might look loony to you, but there's a whole lot more loony happening in this country so don't laugh too much, you might choke on it soon enough.

6 September 2009

'Fring Your World' .... Sept 6, 2009

Yes I guess when you've spent hard earned penny pinched saved money and gotten yourself a funky (ok not so funky anymore) Nokia E71, it only makes sense to start learning your phone and getting it to work for and with you.

I got broadband on my phone, which allows me to even to my internet banking over the phone. It also allows me to check my gmail, update my Facebook, check my Twitters ... aside from the usual phonebook and reminders, it has a funky camera and video feature ... good stuff :)

However, I have been slow on the uptake of adding applications and games since I noticed that the Nokia smartphones seem to come minus a anti-virus program. And I would so hate to find myself virused out on my phone seeing as I practically connect to the whole globe via my phone. I rarely use my bluetooth also because I find it unnerving to have strangers' phones try to pair up with mine. Perhaps I am just nervy heehehhe.

So there I was at 3am in the morning settling in for the night after a long interesting chat with a cousin I'd never met before from Sri Lanka who now resides in Melbourne and is currently here on a 6 month program at one of the universities here. This is another story in development I am sure :) ... nice kid he is ... 'sama kepala' like my siblings and myself.

So I checked out the Applications from Nokia site and tadaaaa I found fring. I have to say, it took me several attempts to get the free application downloaded and installed on my phone but it has opened up a whole new world for me. Suddenly all I need is my mobile and I am connected via fring to everything I am signed up on :) even Skype mind you heehhe. Check out their site to learn more about fring.

And connect with me if you have it :) .... it seems like we're moving into so much mobility ... it's all kinda exciting and new .... and if it's interesting you so know I'd be trying my hand at it :)

Pretty cute banners too don't ya think? So next time, take this piece of advice hehehehe .....

29 August 2009

Flower Power ... Aug 29, 2009

If you have a function that needs flowers or cakes then you have to connect with the Baking Tai Tai :)) .... she's a childhood buddy of my sister and her ideas for my sister's wedding was simply awesome.

She's just started a blog so here's hoping her picture gallery is up soon for more insight into how she just tells stories with her creations.

Check out Let's Be Marry!! for flowers and cakes that simply take your breath away ... I am sure you'll not regret letting AA have a go on your special occasion decor or cake :))

Going On 52 But Juveniles Still .... Aug 29, 2009

I'm no politician - Thankfully!! but still many nights I cannot go to sleep with a conscience that is clear because I feel I could have done somethings better.

I really begin to wonder what their secret is - to be so evil and vile and hurt so many people with their little games calculated to incite anger and suspicion and repulsion towards each other.

We may be going into 52 years of independence from the British but if we decided to keep anything from the colonials is the 'Divide and Rule' policy. Keep everyone in their little separate cages and feed them what will invoke the right responses so that we can then say - See, our policies are the best the way they are, giving equality and freedom of expression creates chaos.

Then our politicians can sit back smile smugly and thank Pavlov for ringing bells to dogs conditioning then to react to certain bits of information - bell ringing=food. (read: Pavlovian Conditioning)

Well after you see this clip you will wonder what is becoming of this place you call home.

Errr where was the FRU and tear gas and water cannons? Where was the infamous PDRM?? Why aren't there arrests and ISA slapped on immediately. Will the kids seen the video be taken to task and their parents too???

Police say they cannot do anything because there is no report. Hahahahaahah am laughing my ass off here. Did the Makkal Sakti walks and the Hindraf boys have a chance?? Nooooooooo of course not here in Malaysia if you're backed by the government anything you do is A-ok!!

I am still sickened by this whole thing like I am sickened by the MACC role in Teoh's death and sickened with how the Mongolian blowup case went ... I am just thoroughly sickened by this country's corrupt greedy politicians.

And now anything I write might be deemed seditious because in the end, if the manage to cull the thoughts of thinking rational people, they can do whatever they want with the half-baked moron they use for such despicable acts.

Malaysia you might be 52 years independent and 46 years as a nation but you still have learnt nothing of respecting your people whose blood and sweat and love for this place we call home has helped build you up. Forget not the people who shared in your dream - today you are telling them dreams are bullshit, we hold the reigns of power, we will do as we please.

The rakyat is nothing but a rhetoric used to try and win elections - but alas the rakyat is also now thinking about who we should really want to be leading us.

Perhaps the Rakyat will finally speak up and change will come. I hope you have enough funds siphoned out and stashed to keep you going once you find Malaysia no longer wants you here!

I mourn for my country. And I am negative in my outlook - just take a clear headed view of what is happening everyday all around and you might be at least compelled to take your lazy butts down to the SPR to register as a voter and make a difference. PRU 13 - we must speak louder as a people of Malaysia. We must shake UMNO so bad that they crumble and fall and then only will Malaysia really and truly begin to be the Malaysia we all want to live in.

Register as a voter and make a difference - speak up for your right as a Malaysian.

27 August 2009

Another Blogger's Journey Begins... Aug 27, 2009

This week it would seem another blogger in the family is born :) ... you might ask how so ... well Ashna my elder girl whose blog I began and helped do the typing and story-telling for a few posts has been suddenly bitten by the blogging bug :))

She's began with 2 short posts about her music exams that were on the 26th. I've done some minor proof-reading and put in the punctuation marks and stuff. But it's an interesting effort.

Now what's interesting about this is that I am hoping that seeing her elder sister start to undertake ownership of her blog might spur Kasha the younger to improve on her spelling and try her hand at blogging too eventually. For now, she tells me her story and I put it down on the net :)

It's nice to see Ashna take an interest in this and for a 9 year old I guess it's as good a time as any - but then now I have to keep an eyes out on how she interacts on the net. Because better safe than sorry I guess is the motto here.

Anyways, if you see her posts updated, drop by she does get a little kick seeing visitors increase on her blog :) and don't forget she's just 9 ... here's to a journey of words and writing ... hope she enjoys it as much as I do.

8 August 2009

I Had A Dream ... Aug 08, 2009

I few weeks ago, I woke up sometime in the wee hours of the morning and lay starring at the ceiling of my room in the blue illumination from the aircon light. And turning to my right I found my younger girl curled up as close as she could get into my shoulder.

I sighed. I felt some hot tears on my cheeks and then I closed my eyes and tried to grab some precious sleep. But it did not come easy and I tossed and turned listening to the breathing of my child and the aircon and all sounds of that hour of silent day.

I'd had a dream. I was sitting at a table. At ease and comfortable. And across me sat a woman familiar to me. And we seemed to be chatting and laughing over children and their antics and how ours seemed so much like their father.

We conversation seemed to flow. And we both seemed to be waiting for the children to return. And then they did, my 2 girls and her son with their father. All seemed happy. All seemed at ease and amiable. It felt right, as I waved goodbye. The girls hugged him and we drove off chattering about the day that has passed.

The reason I'd woken up I suppose was because she was the 'now' wife, I was the 'then' wife and he was the father who'd taken all his children out for a day with daddy.

I lay staring at the ceiling wondering if ever there will come a day when perhaps this might happen.

I often wonder why Indian men who leave their wife and children can never seem to remain responsible fathers to their children. The moment they have another woman warming their loins, they forget that they once fathered children with the ex. And these children also need their father's love and attention.

Children need parents to give them an anchor in their lives. Parents who correct them, who spoil them but most importantly who love them for who they are and shaping them in who they will become.

Having grown up watching many Mother's and Father's Day movies where step-parents have also gone more than the extra mile for the love of their children. Divorced parents remain friends for their offsprings sake ... it used to move me tears growing up. I used to look at my own often times bickering parents and think why can't they be like these stories.

Hence when I got married, I imagined that happy family environment for my kids and hubby and me. Well we know that didn't work out exactly as I had envisioned.

One of my most fervent hopes at the onset of this epic separation journey was that Jacob would be a good father to his girls. Putting aside his differences with me, he'd love his daughters. Be a responsible father. That too has not come to pass. Instead he's not laid eyes or contacted his daughters since that faithful day in April.

And I asked myself later in the morning as I was driving why had I dreamt something that was totally impossible to happen. Although had he been a little more responsible, and long tied up the loose ends and let all move along with our lives, his son and woman he could have legalised as his wife not keep her hanging as his mistress (and keep me hanging as wife), I am open to keeping the ties open, to remain friends. So it didn't work out for us as man and wife, perhaps we could remain just friends who once had children together.

Am I am dreamer with no grasp whatsoever on reality? I think I am more than a realist as time goes by. But my dreams help me work harder to find the way forward. My dreams keeps my heart alive despite all the insanity that surrounds it. My dreams harbour hope for better tomorrows and good lives for my girls.

I suppose my subconscience wants Jacob and me to come to middle common ground. I want him to be responsible and be a father to his girls in what manner and way he might be able to show that with his limited time with them.

He cannot think that just because he has found himself another womb to host his seed to grow into children, I might as easily find a man who might be father to my girls. The reality of things is men are not as willing to take on the role of fathering another man's child as much as there are women more than willing be wombs to a already married man. The odds are against me from many aspects in find one such man with a big enough heart to want to love me and my girls as his own.

Plus I simply hate to think that in finding myself a man, I'd be burdening him with what is really Jacob's responsibility. If Jacob can be responsible towards their son, what stops him from being equally so with our daughters? Why all the divisions and segregation and difference in how one woman's child(ren) and my children are loved?

Like I said before why can't Indian men see the difference? That the children are not to be made the victims of their dispute with estranged wife. And why can't they have more guts and balls to make decisions for their children. How is it that someone else gets to count the pennies that your children should get? For that I totally hate Indian men. They are badly brought up by their mothers all of them. Spoilt, obnoxious and totally irresponsible in dealing with problems like adults.

I have to say chinamen in that sense even if they are all round bastards, but their children they look after. In most cases they ensure that for their children's education they make allowances. Indian men are first class bastards there and they also seem to lose their brains the moment they walk out of their wife and kids. Malay men well there are both kinds. No wonder you say Indian women have an attitude - we do. Our men teach us to have attitudes because without it, we will crumble and die and who then will look out for our children?

I come to conclude that perhaps the dream was merely my subconscience speaking to me at what I am able to accept moving forward once all things are settled because holding grudges is detrimental to my own. But the reality is Jacob is not man enough to stand up and be a father. Sad but true.

And so such dreams merely go to remind me that in this journey I haul ass as mom and dad and with the way the odds are, I will do this alone till my final breath.

Life ... the journey's made by us so then I choose to make it a good one despite the turbulence in the past, and the uncertain of the future ... it is here and now. We live it to the best of our principles and values.

Where Were The Outriders?? .... Aug 08, 2009

You know this face? I am sure you have seen it some where. But I have to tell you something though .. this expression me thinks is standard packaging ... why you might ask??

Well on Friday (7th Aug) I was on the Sg. Besi TUDM stretch heading home to Seremban when I noticed this funky car with the plate DAW 1 - had to be someone really rich being single digits is what what crossed my mind. Then the fact that there was a Volvo S60 with the plate Kelantan DarulNaim immediately cutting behind it sparked my curiosity.

I was watching the car and how the driver was driving. Eventually I got up alongside of the car when I noted 2 passengers. The Volvo was a solo driver looking very tired and agitated with the crawling traffic. The driver of DAW 1 was on the mobile and from the side he hehehe looked Chinese to me and I was like hmmmm why'd a royal car be following this fellow ... so off we move along. He in the fast lane crawling, me in the middle lane crawling.

At one point I ended up somehow in front of this car and for a some 10mins in the crawl to the Sg. Besi toll I got to see who was the driver.

And I must add it was interesting to see Royalty with no outriders, or fanfare driving his hot Merc along with one other person - might I assume this was a bodyguard?? or perhaps a friend?? who seemed half asleep no protocols seemingly visible.

Eventually the Tengku Temenggong of Kelantan must have gotten fed up of seeing my Brake Faster Macha sticker haahahah and cut out to the middle lane and whizzed past the toll and I never saw the car again (but if you're behind the wheel of such a baby you'd fly too)

Having heard on the radio that there was a traffic halting accident down south near Seremban rest area, I decided to turn off through Kajang and head home. And then I made an interesting discovery of LEKAS highway - for RM4 bucks you go round to touch your nose and end up anyways in Mantin old road kah kah kah and with an e-tank on the petrol gauge you have to say it was an interesting twist in the dark.

But well next time you see the TToK driving his Merc DAW1 see if he's like any other person on the road stuck in the jam or is he with outriders screeching away ... but TToK nice colour and all but you really have to learn to not leave that jaw hanging like that coz 10mins you were behind me - and that was your standard expression.

Can't say nothing about your ongoing domestic drama but well at least you seemed almost human stuck like the rest of us common folk on a typical Friday crawl. For that you get me thumbs up. All the best in settling your case.

4 August 2009

EEEKKSS She' Got A Blog .... Aug 04, 2009

YES it had to happen.

She's all over the newspapers EVERY SINGLE DAY.

She's all over the news on telly EVERY CHANCE SHE GETS.

She's managed to get Old Man Lee to pay her a personal official visit ... and now she's gone where no Premier's wife has .... ***clashing of cymbals and all things clattery***

Now lo and behold the cyber world has finally fallen .... and what a scary sight to behold. I wonder how much they paid that artist to airbrush her face into something resembling a human and trying to make it look soft and caring when errrrr the unairbrushed give better perspective on that element of human emotions.

Anyways if you have the stomach for it (aside from the fact it's a sickening pink) .. please do venture to Plastic Face new address on the web .... and for all you know every click there might be paying for more facial enhancements (read botox) .... eventually they might actually get the look they're so trying to achieve.

But till then that 'helmet do' is soooooooooo not appealing - fire the hairdresser get someone new in please ... because the air-spray used is causing a big hole in our ozone layer that the haze is covering at the moment.

Only for the brave ..... if you dare

3 August 2009

Interesting Stupidity Awards ... Hehehe ... Aug 03,2009

We're all reading the aftermath of the August 1, 2009 Anti ISA march which our lovely Malaysian government decided to thwart from even before anything happened - if you were caught in the Friday crawls thanks to the stupid roadblocks put up by the boys in blue you will know what I mean. I spent 2 bloody hours crawling from Kelana Jaya LDP towards the Sprint to get to a friend's dinner party which in the end I gave up and headed for home in Seremban.

I had friends at that walk. And I can tell you I so wanted to be there too and perhaps I should have been because I thoroughly oppose the blatant misuse of this law by our politicians. Especially when it is bloody obvious that it only serves their purpose of culling any voice opposing their governance of this country.

Any rally or march or peace walk that is NOT organised by UMNO is immediately labelled ILLEGAL (have you heard how many times that word is stressed in our local news coverage - they are forced to otherwise licence revoked by Home Ministry la who incidentally was the hero who gave the order for the Police to arrest 'protesters' - which of course the IGP did with such glee!!!)

Here are some links to the news are the rest of the world saw it
1. Suara Keadilan
2. News.com.au
3. BBC - check the video out

This is what the world sees and what the world will equate this to is what they have seen in recent weeks in Iran - note we have not condemned Iran for what they have done to their protesters. Why you might ask ... well after seeing this display by the authorities - I guess it answers your questions.

They arrested children and kept them in remand - sorta like what the Palestinians are facing is it not?? But oh because Palestinians are such a pleasing to the eyes lot our government makes token 'bising bising' and then doing this here - if you are not pro government, then you are public enemy numero uno!

Children are the next generation and fining (20k) and jailing (10yrs) their parents for speaking out against what is wrong is not the way to nation building. People must be allowed to speak their minds - given a platform to do so without fear of unfair 'justice' being meted out to them.

What we saw on Saturday was total bias. Any pea brained would know that. Because I am sure the Pro ISA dudes (all UMNO backed!!) were MOST CERTAINLY LEGAL in their march to the palace to hand over their memorandum to the King. Go tell it to the Sepilok orang utans ok ... I am sure even they are laughing their naked butts off.

Ironically coalition members from Gerakan who tried to handover their Anti ISA memorandum were **ahem ahem* not following palace protocol and were unsuccessful. Can I tergolek laugh my arse off here please?? Dudes why la you no go as Pro ISA sure all kautim easy one. Too bad la your attempt tak jadi, I feel for you but your racial mix is the wrong one la sure kena reject!

My ISA badge for really stupid Malaysians I hand over to that comb over King who is fighting his tamil movie gangster style to hang on to his fast receding hairline and popularity - our now outlawed Hindraf brothers awakened the eyes of many Tamils who were blinded by our wannabe Rajinikanth and his son who are now feeling hot under their seats as the fires are fanned - where is the hard earned money people pumped into your MAIKA shares that's like toilet paper now???

But old Sam just can't keep his mouth shut - he had to come out with what he thinks is sooooooo earth shattering discovery - street demos keep investors away. Aiyo-yo-yo Samy potham man potham ... time for you to just retire and go back to Sg Siput and keep quiet - I hear the water there does wonders for your hair **kah kah kah kah** but before that liquidate your assets and pay back those people who invested in your toilet paper shares - am sure you won't miss too much. As in all Tamil movies, the kallan always either turns over a new leaf or dies at the hand of justice,... in this case I doubt you want to end up under ISA in your final days now do you along with Vel?

To be honest, I am sickened by what I hear see and read. This is not the Malaysia I want to raise my children in and if I hear any one of you small minded morons tell me to pack and leave, I say to you YOU PACK UP AND LEAVE!!! 4 generations born and raised in this soil - this is my tanah tumpahnya darahku. If you cannot fathom sharing this land, go back to where you came from first ... I am sure Indonesia will welcome you with open arms haahahhahahah before they make you maids and servants that is **evil cackle** just to show you what it feels like.

Malaysia oh Malaysia it seems your reckoning hour is at hand. Will the Malaysia we dream about never materialise and will those dreams be tear gassed and frightened out of us. My hope is that Malaysians will never stop chasing the dream that burns in our hearts. I dunno about the rest of you, but I believe all of us should stand equal, not allow scared frightened politicians to divide us by race religion and colour.

And may you Malaysian never ever have to learn what Detention Without Trial means because those who have walked that path know only too well the hell you go through. I SAY NO TO ISA! The choice is yours and yours alone.

If you have access - these pictures will speak for themselves just look at that smug look of the FRU fellow - big justice serving as he shoots tear gas into the innocent public.

30 July 2009

Things That Make Me Sleepless ... July 30, 2009

Ok if you been following the Teoh Beng Hock case, something you read in the papers today is going to make you suddenly suspicious where this is all leading to ... but please to read this and tell me what you think.

The findings of another unknown male's DNA on his blazer and belt - alarm bells alarm bells ... at least I am glad they did not find it in his nether regions or undergarments because all of a sudden this problem free guy might find himself in death being framed by the DNA finding - I wonder if our so sharp investigators are going to be able to identify who this unknown male is - but again I remain skeptical, afterall in this country anything boleh become fact even if everyone else knows it's a mythical creation of evidence. So we now have to wait with bated breathe for the scene to unfold. But why are the alarm bells ringing so loudly in my head??? I am sure if you had half a brain you'd know why too.

This next piece of news makes me want to demand till my last breath all this bloody gangster glorifying shit ass movies especially from Tamil genre be banned banned banned. Didn't anyone realise something was amiss??? Now one more dead lawyer (not that I particularly like lawyers ok seeing how most of them are blood sucking leeches - but that's another story for another day) and if you look at the sequence of things, I'd say I'd have raised a concern that my life was in danger. Cheh wah cheh wah ... go up to a temple force someone to consume something that killed him with renal failure. Dei this not Tamil movie la enough of this nonsense!!! (**pliss to use your best Tamil movie English accent wokai**)

THIS has to take the cake la ... first kris waving, now order police to take action against people voicing out what they feel is a totally inhumane law. Only in Malaysia oh wait are we going the way of 'democratic' Iran??? Mr. Minister aren't people in a democracy allowed to voice out their thoughts? or is the Malaysian Democracy one that keeps only certain people safe and happy. Now I am really getting to insomniac state - what with all these worries on how this country is governed and where we are heading to. **sigh** Obviously the boys in blue are merely the puppets - when told they do. Theirs is not to question why.

Some of you might have read my Facebook updates yesterday about my morning trauma on the way to work yesterday. I almost had the unfortunate luck of running over a man who was knocked down by someone else on the ELITE highway. Now the interesting thing was that 5 minutes before I came upon this scary moment of my driving life, my usual 'nemesis' on the road a certain Satria Neo - this female has got to be one of those drivers that really just want to step up to and slap some sense into her thick head - driving at 160km/hr and eyes on your mobile texting is just not happening la!!!

And yesterday morning I was driving a different car so she might not have realised it was me without Charles whose butt she has to 'cucuk' aka tailgate like a maniac. As she passed me by and I noted her usual style of eyes NOT on the road I thought 'You are so going to pay one of these days' ... now as fate would play it - in 5 mins there she was ahead of me obviously part of the accident that I almost came to be a part of had I not been able to avoid running over the man laying on the road.

Thankfully God's hand was with me at that very moment and I sailed past the car on my right, the debris on the road and the man to my left barely missing him, before I noticed her and all I could do was be fucking mad at her because she so deserved it. I noted her bumper was pretty damaged. I called emergency assistance immediately. I dunno what she did next, personally I don't care. I had a pregnant passenger on board and that was my main concern not killing the man and not killing my passenger.

I called up later to check and was told that it was not a fatal accident - PHEW means the man was alive when I passed him - which then means had I lost my cool and panicked I would have been the one that killed him - and I would not have been the one who had caused him to be laying there on the road. It was one of the scariest moments of my 7 years of driving. Probably not my last, seeing as Malaysians love to dice with death, and I have to be extra extra extra vigilant to ensure me and my passengers never end up in an accident.

Did not see her this morning - for obvious reasons, but then this morning there was another female in a MyVi and I thought girl you better be careful. And then I asked God to keep us all safe because lately, I have realised people who have hurt me unforgivably by their actions and I have been angry enough to curse them have had tragedy befall them .... all within a spate of 8 weeks ... it didn't occur to me at the time. But when I was thinking about it and I was relating the incidents randomly to friends, they all said .ani you're not one to cross now, it seems your thoughts are powerful.

Hahahahahahah I had to laugh. Because had my thoughts really been so effective in getting the desired results I can see one issue having been resolved a long time ago. But then again, I know every time I have come close to cursing this person, I have stopped myself because at the end of the day, this person's life is entwined in some form to mine. Damn my conscience!!!

Having said that though, if I have dreamt of someone 3x in a row, I have to warn you - usually something really bad happens to them or worse they die. If you hurt me so much I cannot ever forgive you and you cease to exist in my life, trust me, you will feel the pain you caused me in some form or manner. Perhaps then sometimes I have to consciously remind myself that people are the way they are for reasons only known to themselves and I should not obliterate them from my mind, because then well they seem to have some misfortune befall them. This makes me sleepless because I have to question why this has happened, and what forces are in play and where will this lead me to.

The mind is a very powerful both friend and foe. I am learning to use my thoughts for my own self growth without detriment to others. Now that I have acknowledged that sometimes my mind sees far ahead whilst I choose to ignore it's warnings and signs of what is to come.

Now if only I could use my mind to control certain elements to all align themselves into my favour - be great dontcha think??? But alas for now, I can only smell danger before I see, which has me put myself into anti-crash mode gear ... and navigate and come out unscathed as possible. Perhaps a little more practice and I might start to realign my misaligned stars **eheheheheh**

Off I go .... catch ya dolls later - and perhaps I am just delusional haahahha perhaps ......

29 July 2009

Sarah Palin Farewell Speech by William Shatner

Anyways if you can't see the video here's the link: Palin Farewell

I guess this one needs no commentary although I must say I am bemused that this was a candidate for the Republican Vice Presidency ... she seemed alright at the start and then all the way downhill from there - but good show girl, all the best in whatever you next you do.

I thought 'Capt. Kirk' did an interesting angle on Palin's speech ... what do you say?

28 July 2009

RIP Yasmin Ahmad ... July 28, 2009

By now if you're Malaysian you would know the amazing spirit behind those wonderful displays of the Malaysia most of us desire in the Petronas adverts we've grown so used to has untimely passed away.

I for one admit that I've not watched a single one of her movies - probably because I just haven't really had the time nor have I really watch Malay movies from the 80s onwards - seems to me Malay movies lost their appeal.

However I did read the reviews of some of Yasmin's works and kept thinking I want to watch them uncensored by the morality clowns we have in this country where everything is a defamation to Islam even if they have no clue what they are blindly chopping out just to keep certain quarters feeling more holier than thou.

I was reading about Yasmin and stumbled upon her blog(s) and I think it is worth sharing although she will write again for us to read and follow and applaud, she has left a mark in all our hearts even if we never knew her personally, we knew her work. She made her 90second commercials work at making us reflect, think and also jab us into acknowledging what is missing in the Malaysia we live in today.

Perhaps you might find her writings interesting - I know I have ... on The Storyteller and The Storyteller Part 2.

Yasmin, I hope you continue to inspire Malaysians to erase what makes them different but embrace what makes us one, we've a long journey for that. Too many hurts to heal, too much water under the bridge and politicians who are better off keeping us all separated and suspicious of each other.

You made a difference when irregardless of who we were, your 'small films' made us respond and moved us. May you rest in peace Yasmin Ahmad. And may Malaysians find ourselves someday - then truly the work you began would have come a full circle.

Catch The Telur Rangers ... July 28, 2009

Hey there all. If you have missed the news about these 3 spunky girls on a mission catch up with their adventure on their blog The Telur Rangers.

It's all about saving turtles .. by saying NO TO TURTLE EGGS ... give our shelled flippered friends a shot at overcoming extinction.

There's an itinerary about where these girls are going to be at as they traverse Malaysia collecting your signatures as you pledge to leave them turtle eggs alone and let them hatch and face mother nature not end up in your gut and passed on to Indah Water to waste manage.

If you remember watching Finding Nemo - remember the turtle dude was a 150 years old ... let's at least contribute to seeing them 150 hours old then ... before their great journey fraught with challenges of the sea.

Say no to turtle eggs please. Say no also to all the other ridiculous aphrodisiac type reasons we give for killing animals mindlessly - just remember if your sex life is down - nothing is going to help you but your own self - leave the musk deer with it's balls so he too can frolic and make more babies, the rhino his horn, the tiger his gall - trust me you won't get braver just be a part of the mindless murders of such beautiful creations.

Save our world, make changes to how you view the creation. Nothing is less important, all are equals!

Sporadic Musings ... July 24, 2009

It has been one of those weeks where I’ve had my drive to and from alone because I am at my client’s place. Such instances of solitude often give me the time to reflect. Anybody who knows me knows I think too much.

I have a tendency of taking little bits of conversations and actions and mulling over it. Rolling it over my mind. The exchanges, the body language and the immediate outcome as well as the after effects of such instances in my life.

And in the recent few weeks I have come to observe another interesting trait about people. And come to also realise that the inherent nature of people will eventually be exposed no matter how matter self help and improvement books they read or courses they attend in the hope of acquiring some new more public persona.
This is because inherent nature is in your genes. You’ve worked very hard all your life to try and quell these displays because you want people to perceive you in a certain way. I’ve through my many interactions through the years and in my ever learning and absorbing state, have seen all kinds. Been often too at the receiving end of these people because as silly as it sounds, I have a pretty gullible soul – yes yes I admit it. I am gullible in believing that inside each of us there is a goodness we just need to look hard enough to find it in the next person.

Time and again, I’ve been greatly disappointed, when someone I have given access to my life and me as a person has proved to be a bad move. I carry a heart that has been broken so many times that there are times now I think I might not survive another disappointment but then again I am built to be a survivor. No matter what happens, I try to see a lesson in it and learn from and avoid such repeats in the next encounter.

Let me give you an example. If I was to have something, information that might assist someone, the only working phone or pc, the only one with a car to move people with, I wouldn’t hesitate to say come let me help you out here. I do it without considering that I might have to drive 40km out of my way just to help this person out. I just do it, because I feel if I am in a capacity to help.

But I note that for some the potential of someone asking them for a favour or assistance is preempted by a ready excuse of prior commitments. Or if they are forced into having to offer say a ride to someplace, they will first make known how bad the traffic is where you're heading. Some people are rather thick-skinned though such hints they ignore. I on the other hand if I get a vibe like that immediately will refuse the 'offer' because I hate feeling indebted especially when it's not entirely sincere.

Small things really give you insight into people. Being far from perfect myself, I realised the other day that many of the people I come in contact with on a daily basis are amazing actors. They have learned their lines and expressions and interaction skills from self help books and mind over matter type gurus. They do pretty damn well in life - which is GREAT, I don't deny. Others find themselves saying or referring to so-and-so who is just soooooooooooo perfect in everything. Even I am sometimes taken in by these amazing displays.

And then you sit down one day and have a leisurely chat or in a given situation watch these persons a little more closely. Their expressions, their automatic reactions, their thoughts and then you see the true self behind the facade and you are dumbstruck. I know I am usually dumb-struck.

Humans are an amazing creation. And in that amazing creation we have what I would call the inherent nature of a person. Which is like the genes that make you up, the blood that flows in your veins. That is probably why I try really hard to no longer buy into the image people sell to me of themselves. I try to take them as they come and expect nothing to be what it seems.

Some of you might think this is a rather negative way to live life. But if you have lived my life in my shoes and experienced the number of 'fools gold' type souls I have encountered you might begin to understand my approach.

Knowing that I myself am less than perfect or good, I can accept now these little white lies people perpetuate of themselves in this thing we call living because we all always do what we must to survive. If you try to be the real you, people may hate you, people may use you ... depends on which end of the reality scale you fall in.

At the moment, I am learning to just be me as I am. I take precautions to avoid being used and hurt, I avoid expecting anything from the 'good souls', I avoid disliking the 'less than human souls' because I suppose everyone has a story behind who they are today.

But if you are inherently good or inherently have the tendency to hurt or be selfish - eventually life has a way of displaying your true self when you least expect it. And I recently have had the interesting experience of seeing someone in 'naked truth' ... none of their practiced perfection could save them when their inherent nature reared it's head.

I had to come away laughing ... and I thought to myself thankfully I can live with my flaws, I wonder if this person can live with theirs to put so much effort into personality projection.

Anyhows I hope you're having a good week, I am off now to look into other jumbled thoughts and sporadic musings.

Be well all, we live in dangerous times!

20 July 2009

Music From A Tree ... hmmmm July 20, 2009

I was stumbling :)) and guess what I found ... this piece :) am sure you will find it as interesting as I did ...

Diego Stocco - Music From A Tree from Diego Stocco on Vimeo.

If you can't see the video then here's the link - pretty creative and a lot of effort me thinks but damn sure entertaining :)) - Music From A Tree. And from what I saw, this chap Diego Stocco is damn creative ... but I won't let on too much ... why don't you check out his other stuff :)

Tell me what you think.

17 July 2009

Malaysia Continues To Scare Me ... July 17, 2009

Dali a friend of mine, pointed out the other scary news which greeted me this morning when I wrote the earlier posting.

The second piece of news was that over some rivalry a man beheaded the 5 year old son of his enemy and left the head in a bucket for the parents to find and then ran off with his wife and daughter - WTF is happening in this country. Little boy beheaded in family feud.

What in heavens name did that child do to deserve to die. When do human beings cease to be humans and become worse than animals.

What's even scarier is the fact that our DPM in a most recent update in TheStar Online says this .. and I must say the headline caption makes you want to spite blood ... Cops to probe MACC over Teoh's dead if needed: DPM. Errr Mr. DPM, what do you mean if needed. Don't you think that would be the obvious call of duty??? ... but this is Malaysia - I guess not.

From how justice works in this country - I can also imagine that the person last with Teoh (if we ever find him) will in all eventuality be also a paper-bagged face we will never recognise in the light of day *am sure you follow me here*

Some time back we had students suddenly falling out of hostels and found dead, then we had a uni drop out renting at the uni hostel ( errr how is this possible) found to have bled to death after delivering baby who also died incidentally. Where was the father or rather who is the father - remain a mystery we won't know answers to I am sure.

National Service was introduced to eradicate racial and social barriers and create partriotic youths - the future of this nation. We all also know how that has been going. Unexplained deaths, rape by facilitators, bullying and fights, food poisoning. Makes me scared to think either of my daughters might be actually called up for service. In 3 short months, I could be bringing home a traumatised child or worse a corpse it seems from all the things you read in the news.

Attending a talk on City Safety for Women and listening to the resource persons true life statistics on abductions, rapes and murders in this country - being a woman is tragedy you are cursed with from the day you were born because nothing escapes this perverts. They are your fathers your grandfathers your uncles your brothers your step-fathers, your mother's boyfriends, your army and police man, your ex/male colleague whom you snubbed, your ex/boyfriend or spouse who hasn't gotten over the fact you don't want to be with them anymore - actually wait it's any man you know out there is a potential danger to you the woman, girl or female baby.

The modes operandi of these psychopaths is even more chilling when you think about it. And we are all at risk.

We live in a perceived and choking morality where unwanted pregnancies are a cause for great trauma. No one helps but everyone condemns. So what do we end up with??? Scared unwed mothers drowning their newborns in toilets, old buckets, left to die in dustbins the list goes on.

Take for instance a couple I know. He a result of mixed marriage is Muslim by the fact his mother is Malay. She is a girl from abroad, non-Muslim. Love transcends all obstacles. They planned to marry. But whilst in the process of conversion, forms to be filled, bureaucracy found out she was expecting their child.

Child is born - because father is Muslim, mother is now a convert, their 'nikah' certificate date is short of the number of months by which this child would be legitimate - this child is now ILLEGITIMATE despite his parents now being married and wanting to provide responsibly towards the child with opportunities. But our perceived morality and religious bigots choose to stigmatize this child with the label illegitimate - the birth cert carries only his mother's name and the father's details are blank!

Is there a sense in all of this? Does religion one is born into get the better of being human and kind and caring towards the future of this child?

It makes you wonder why so many children are running around without their birth certificates - who'd want one when one can't put their father's name on it.

Such things makes my blood boil. The victims usually continue to be victimised and the perpetrators continue to do what they do best ... which is scare the living daylights of anyone with half a brain and some sense of humanity in them.

And in Malaysia, somehow everything is forgotten the moment so flippant type gossip appears in the media ... the stark realities go on status quo business as usual.

Where are we heading to ... crikey! I just had a cold shiver run down my back!!

Can we taking a cue from the late King of Pop ... "Heal the world, make it a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race, there are people dying and if you care enough for the living, make a better place for you and for me"

Malaysia Scares Me ... July 17, 2009

And why wouldn't Malaysia scare me .... have you read the news lately?? I completely missed the latest until late last night looking at FB updates about someone dying in MACC custody. So on my mobile I went information surfing last night while preping for a night's sleep.

And then I went WTF!!!! Yikes!!!

Doesn't the MACC investigate corruption cases although really they ONLY ever investigate alleged Opposition leaders misuse of public funds. The fact that BN's blatant corrupted conniving criminals with feigned innocense and incensing insolence when questioned is NEVER investigated is a separate matter - but this is afterall the so called 1Malaysia Najib keeps talking about - the only 1 I see here is that BN especially UMNO will never be called up to justice. There rest of Malaysia to hell with us. We're merely a means to their over the top ends.

And we can already see the 'cover up' in progress. Teoh Beng Hock's death is now classified as sudden death - hell ya it's sudden! The boy was going to get registered today. As the rest are arguable asking - how in heavens name did someone in custody for interrogation get to the rooftop and then jump off an adjacent building to his untimely unexplained death.

But Nazri as usual in his foot in mouth manner comes out and kills all speculation of how this death happened and says it was suicide. Dude!!! What did MACC do to this boy he committed suicide???? Did you buggers 'sodomise' him and threaten 'exposure'???

And let me guess somehow miraculously the government certainly most credible autopsy report is going to find either **clears throat here* ... you guessed it either "fluid in the lungs" or lo and behold the newest autopsy finding in Malaysia's government pathologists "bacterial infection in the inner most layer of the tiniest part of the small intestine" ... man what I am doing slaving in IT ... I could do this type of reports with my eyes closed and be the toast of the Malaysian version of justice served!

Oh wait now ... perhaps the late Teoh needed to get up to that part of the building so that gravity might have somehow made the fluid in his lungs expel, or perhaps the bacterial infection reacts to itself at higher altitude ... I mean really ... the boys in blue have long entertained us with their mind boggling autopsy reports and how everything is a sudden death.

Now the so called revamped BPR/ACA who seem to be nothing but the new version isn't any more transparent then the MACC makeup Rosmah uses to cake in her face daily .... (yes yes I know my dislike for the woman is obvious). MACC has definitely lost any minute credibility it had (if you believed they had any to begin with!). A suicide while it's custody - good grief!!!

Are the Malaysian people, the you and me soooooooooo gullible to the bedtime stories Najib and his goons are throwing at us? I mean they took us on a merry mystery ride on the Mongolian C4 and we all 'know' how justice is being served in that circumstance.

Whilst it may be wrong to speculate how Teoh might have met his untimely death. But come on can it be helped????? Everyone wants to know what will be the earth-shattering finding this time. And I am sure bookies are taking in the bets now - and I am sure it won't be something that you and me didn't already think would be the finding.

My sincere condolences to the family and fiance of Teoh Beng Hock, and may justice be served when it matters.

Otherwise Malaysia truly scares the living daylights outta me. It would seem to me you have to make your choices carefully, if you want to survive in Malaysia ... otherwise make sure there's no fluid in your lungs or happy bacteria in your gut!!

10 July 2009

Flip Flop Here We Go Again ... Jul 10, 2009

I almost find the government of MALAYsia and their nefarious sense of flip flopping on policies and especially so when it comes to Education policies sickening.

If you haven't heard the news then please come out from under your shell. We are yet again changing midstream the course of the dissemination of knowledge of Science and Math in English to Malay. The fact that my generation of school goers did learn our Bio, Chem and Physics and Math electives in Malay does not mean we excelled in it we just reverted to textbooks and reading material in ENGLISH to graps the fundamentals. Having said that I used English books for History and Geography too ahahah made it so much more interesting than grappling with the 'malay-nised' English terms which sounded out of this world ... like the first time I learnt tetikus was the Malay word for the mouse we use with our PCs eheheheh it was like errrrr ok ...

Anwar Ibrahim once Education Minister, now deposed DPM ... Opposition PM wannabe introduced words we never heard before, our teachers equally had no idea what they were either and this was in MALAY ...

Dr. M who mooted the idea is not impressed. Pak Lah who is likely one of the most forgetable of PMs says Way to go (secretly me thinks he don't understand English la that's why) ... Parents are screaming keep the English, lazy teachers are now rejoicing, more kursus to attend no need to teach classes ahahaha who gets burnt in the end? Our Children ... in the global challenges, our kids are regressing instead of progressing.

It seems that every Education Minister tries very hard to introduce really strange ideas into mainstream mass education policies in hope of I have come to believe creating a generation of non-thinkers they bank on will someday vote them into power.

So here we go again. In time for the Manik Urai by-election, government comes up with revert Maths and Science to Malay, and emphasise on the strengthening of English. Hmmmm right. results showed even rural school children were scoring better. The problem lay in the Malay educated lot of teachers who can't string a decent English sentence together who were struggling to cope with the knowledge transfer. The kids however have the Internet and other sources of information which was coming to them in English to perform better.

The government gleefully says they will be saving 40million per annum in special allowances for these teachers who have been sent to upskill them in English to teach these subjects. And in the same breath they say they have to spend 5 billion to retrain all these teachers to now teach the subject in Malay.

Errrrrrrr is it just me or does anyone realise the number of zeros behind both figures quoted? And how much do you think has already been spent on giving the Math and Science teachers English skills?

Aiya ... in the end ... out one pocket into someone else la ... pusing pusing someone gets the last laugh. Scores of children get lost in the education system because we will ALWAYS have half-baked ill prepared teachers. If teachers themselves cannot challenge themselves to overcome their phobia of teaching in English, and now we will have those saying they can't teach in Malay.

I wonder how then will students in our flip flopping education policies ever be prepared to take on the world when they cannot seem to have confidence instilled in them from their educators. Perhaps we will always be lagging behind. The ones with the finances will send their kids elsewhere to study and be challenged and empowered to keep open minds in the pursuit of learning.

There is only one conclusion I can come to, the education system in Malaysia teaches us to find excuses why we cannot go forward not educate us to be bold and go forward with a sense of adventure of the whole learning process.

So then I also suppose, parents will have to now find ways (am sure there are already even more tuition opportunities opening up) to keep their struggling children abreast with the flip floppers decisions.

Truly another Malaysia Boleh apa apa bila bila masa (Malaysia Can Anyhow Anytime) decision that leaves a very bitter taste in the mouth of millions of parents as they try to see what the future holds for their children.

Weekend joy no less in Malaysia ...

4 July 2009

The Weeks Passed ... July 04, 2009

Hi there again (if anyone is a regular here) ... It's been a while since I wrote anything here - been busy and internet-less where I have been or else I'd have tapped away and 10mins later posted whatever that's taken my fancy for the day .

Let's see now ... quite a bit has happened.

Maids Getting A Day Off: Now as usual the government in their typical knee-jerk reaction to bad publicity comes up with some big time 'solutions' to the problem and in result giving opportunity for more problems to emerge. I suppose they have a plan to compensate all employers who have their houses robbed, or maids who get pregnant on their days off and also for the one where the maid disappears outta blue ... whatever it is the Government has to do something to combat the extremely poor publicity it's getting in the Republic of Indonesia ... especially with the allegations of brutish royalty on one of their beauties. Another senseless drama we have on-going. I mean most people who have maids have more stress than those without maids - and most are at the hostage scenario of their maids. The few nasty monsters now have created more headaches for the rest of us who are already burdened with maids who know since both employers have to work, without them, these employers are then stuck unable to find full time minders for their sick parents or young children. SIGH! my maid is on perpetual holiday it's not funny that I have to pay her to grow fat and lazy. But that's the price I have to pay for having aging parents one who is semi mobile only and two young kids. And being a single parent, I can't even stop working to look after them - so I remain a hostage to these government big ideas and the maid with the upper hand .. and you wonder why I am hypertensive.

.ani Goes To The Doctor ... Finally: It had to be done in the end. These morning waking up feeling like a 10 tonne lorry was on my head and driving with that splitting headache. The unbearable exhaustion and feeling ill out of the blue. The blood pressure readings started going wacko once I started taking random readings. The scary part here was that the diastolic readings were just really not reassuring.

Then as luck would have it, suddenly work got more intense. And I had to drive into KL in the mornings and that is as you can imagine one of the worst possible things to do work days ... after the Sg. Besi toll it's a nightmare all the way to the center of town. So Friday I went to see the doctor. Had a long lecture on weight management ( I knew that already was a problem! ) ... got some medication to start trying to control my blood pressure. Done with the blood tests waiting for the results.

My conclusion is that with the years of pushing myself to the brink to survive all that life has thrown at me, I've really neglected my own health - always just trying to keep borderline healthy - I think last year was quite an eye opener to my many health shortcomings. And then with the work place shitty turn of events it's all come to pass ... like an avalanche it's piling up on me. And I had to face up to the fact that well life's too short and I have to be around a long time more for the girls. So medication and weight watching - that's a way to start I guess.

The Passing of MJ and FF: Now this was a total shock. I mean icons from my childhood ... gone in a blink. In Farah Fawcett's instance I think you were more prepared but Michael Jackson's was like OHMIGOD!!!! I mean the fellow has been having such a bad time this July was going to be his one last shot at capturing the past glories but well I guess sometimes life comes and takes you away just when you think you can get to where you want to be ... (another reason why I've decided to get my life in order).

Lee Kuan Yew Meets 'Rose': The first time a Malaysian PM's wife get a separate visit ... and we have to see her face every single day in the papers it makes me puke. And now BN new meaning is Bini Najib .. ahahah do we even have to ask why??? Me thinks the PM is really the first lady and the self proclaimed first lady is REALLY the PM ... what do you think?? And as for that 1 Malaysia hype - the only thing that brings all Malaysians together is our united disgust and hatred for that female called Rose ... damn why didn't the Titanic take her down as well.

Michael Owen is ManUnited's New Boy: Am quite sure that this free transfer is going to have the Kopite's whinging blue black again and vomitting bile on Fergie. Although I think let the boy have his chance at playing footie. Am looking forward to see how he does with this side of the Red then ... and I think he's cuter than that metrosexual diva we just sold to Real Madrid. Not that my footie depends solely on the cute factor of the players eheheheh but I no doubts can hear the Kop fans starting up their whiny rhetoric soon enough. Am looking forward to a good kick off come EPL season when ManU host Birmingham ... July 19th.

Am off to move my car now. Ashna wants to cycle, Kasha is whinging abouts and I need to sweat a bit ... later later ... have a good weekend and we'll see where we head to with all this in the coming weeks :))

20 June 2009

A Joke Too Far ... June 20, 2009

You know how everyone likes a prank or two especially when you think it's going to be really funny ... well watch this one and tell me if you thought that was funny ...

Spider .... Think about when and where you do something prank like next time ...

Everyone Needs An Angel .... June 20, 2009

Hey I was YouTube surfing and chanced upon this one ... it's approx 14mins ... nice one though ... altho the subtitles are a bit crappy (dialogue is in German) ... but it's a nice feel good clip.

Everyone needs an angel and they come in all packages :))

Enjoy ...
Tanghi Argentini - Nominated for the 2008 Academy Award for Best Live Action Short.

3 June 2009

Rape Blame Game ... Jun 03, 2009

Refer Indian Male Libido Going Haywire and the consequent comments.

This argument inevitably rears its ugly head whenever the topic of rape is raised.

And inevitably, the blame game beings and women are saddled with the blame for their provocative dressing that then led to their rape - hence it surely is the woman's fault.

Then rightly so we ladies will point out that children (unless being in a diaper is considered provocative), grandmothers (this is taking the MILF fascination a bit too far perhaps) and that Muslim countries with burkha clad women also record unbelievable numbers of rape cases.

And all will point and say - woman she is the catalyst to her own terror.

So the boys that are raped by the sick people of the world and yes this is also a growing statistic - can we now then say these boys were provocatively dressed thus calling upon themselves untoward attention leading to rape?

Rape is not confined to girls, it is happening to boys as well.

The pertinent point then is what is the source of all this sexual aggression towards someone who is weaker? Perhaps in addressing that issue, this heinous crime may also be addressed.

I find it is our own contribution by making the subject of sex and sexuality taboo, hence the education of sexuality and sex is unclear. this giving opportunity of interpretation rightly or wrongly so.

It seems we rather skirt around the issues of sexuality and sex education ... educating both men and women on their personal space, their sexuality, and their right to keeping their bodies and themselves away from harm.

I have myself often heard from the mouths of men I held in some level of regard when dealing with a opinionated woman such horrid things like this line which immediately drops them from grace in my eyes. How can you ever condone someone who finds himself out done by a woman's smarts to say that 'she should be gang raped to teach her a lesson'

WTF kinda reasoning or logic is that? You cannot beat her at the game use your dick and so called collective male strength to then break her??? I feel so disgusted by such comments I usually cease my association with that person, unless unavoidable and then I stick to civil courtesies. I feel also compelled to call and raise and alarm bell that we have a potential rapist on the loose.

If he has said it, it means he has THOUGHT about it. The next step is merely a thin line between being human being with logic and rational or one without who can cross that thin line with whatever is deemed right of action for this person.

Perhaps there is no real explanation why people rape. Studies make hypothesises but has that stopped any of this crimes? NO only it rises with each passing moment. The statistics are scary. My hometown Seremban apparently records the highest rape almost on a daily basis - SHITS!!! I live there and I have daughters - how safe are we then?????

Even bloody Erectile Dysfunction sufferers have been known to sodomise their victims - this is also a form of rape ... so what if he used a cucumber or brinjal instead of his penis - someone was still violated most violently!!!!!

There is absolutely nothing to be reaped from hurling blame from one person to the other and especially not on the victim however much 'she had it coming to her' - another WTF type statement in my books - who in their right minds has it coming to be raped???

My take on this - stop with all the fucking blame game and get down to addressing the issue itself without gender, historical bias. Until our children boys and girls, sisters, mothers, wives, aunts, grandmothers girlfriends are safe, there is no use blaming anyone. Support the victim through this harrowing experience (trust me it never leaves you!!!) and get to the crux of the problem.

Apologies, but it sickens me all this blaming here there and no concrete actions taken to help the victims or to address rapists. Why must the victim continue to be victimised - haven't they been hurt enough???