Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

4 April 2009

Returning To Stage ... Apr 04, 2009

Can you imagine ... after like almost 2 decades, I will be sort of re-emerging on the stage. Although mostly in the capacity of MC, but I do have one small role as narrator in a dialogue less play.

It's all kinda exciting. It reminds me of my days as a child and all the Kerala Samajam stage shows. Especially the Onam Nite celebrations which were held annual in August. And me and my 2 other dance partners used to put up items. We were bharata natyam students. My kid sister was also. So we had a time of our life performing on stage in our little Seremban town and on several occasions also travelling to other towns to perform for those Kerala Samajams.

I grew up attending the SRK Convent, Seremban and bi-annual stage shows were a big big thing. We had the late Yamtuan of Negeri Sembilan as the patron of these shows. And performing in front of the royal couple was indeed a high point for all of us who were part of that year's production.

We sang, we danced, we played musical instruments, we acted out roles in different plays. Bustling after school hours of practise sessions, costumes to be measured and stitched and make up and props ... there is nothing quite like it.

The just before curtain opens butterflies. Executing a perfect performance. The lights, the flashing cameras, the applause ... like wow! ... and the scramble off the stage for the next item and the hugging and jumping around because we did good on stage - no foul ups bleeps or blunders ... although as it did happen on occasion, how one covered up the bleeps were source of conversation till the next time we got back on stage.

Every night was our best performance. All out we went. And that was something about the Convent spirit that I find so hard to ever find again especially in today's schools. The Infant Jesus Convent was the school I attended. Even in secondary there were numerous stage performances.

For Teacher's Day, Children's Day, Sport's Day, National Independence Day, Prefects Installation and any other given reason we could find. We wrote our own scripts, we laboured over props and costumes, we sold tickets, we danced till we collapsed from so many rehearsals. And when I was Choir president, we sang and sang till we were hoarse. There's just something about being on stage. You take on the character and role you are living beyond your daily mundane limitations.

Plain Janes who normally scurry around avoiding public scrutiny are suddenly transformed on stage and hidden talents and passions discovered. I know I learnt my passion for writing and choreographing from those days back in school.

I've harboured dreams of going on stage as an adult. But have always held back because I believe no one wants to see a Michelin Tyre on stage (although many a stage performer are not Ms. Universe beauties!) but my own self inflicted disbelief in my own talents has always held me back. And over the years of constantly being thrown into deep ends that have made me question my own capabilities skills and talents, I have lost faith in myself. I have to admit, I was never one stage shy or tongue tied as a kid but things happened and I withdrew further and further into my own shell.

Last April, I was one of the MCs for the company's Annual Dinner and I think I did a fair decent job. I have a good voice and am articulate and I can be funny ... when this request came to be narrator and MC, I thought hey why not ... be good fun.

Let's see how it goes. I still harbour those dreams of being a stage performer if not the likes of Oprah, sharp straight tongue in cheek type host ... I do believe I can do it at some point ... but for now, I'm excited again heheheheh ... I feel almost like a kid, staring into the lights giving it my best ... isn't life one huge stage performance anyways.

Some of us give it an all out honest effort, others muck around and hope we'll applaud their half-hearted performances.

Will keep you updated on this little adventure - am sure there'll be loads of pictures at some point although being MC makes it a bit hard to capture the moments as they unravel.

Stolen Glimpses ... Apr 04, 2009

**waves to my Shanghai Stalker**

I am somewhat tickled by the fact that some people cannot come to see their children in person but must steal glimpses like this ...

eheheheheheheh I am REALLY REALLY cracked up !!

But then again if that's all their conscience can allow them ... then so be it.

I've no grudges or axes to bear. And if some people had any inkling about the sort of person I am, they would know that even their current little pitter patter of feet would be quite safely taken care of if there came a point in time.

All is equal ... children should not suffer or bear the sins of their fathers (this being an expression ehehehehh) ... and the girls are growing up fast and so much has been missed and lost experience for the parent who chose not to be here.

Perhaps they will make it up with the new babies they have made and make ... one can only hope it doesn't become a cycle of making and leaving because the next time, some people are not going to be so lucky with such as one as forgiving as myself. *eheheheh*

How's the weekend shaping up everyone. Here's it's blistering heat followed by thunder storms ... the weather is as insane as the world we live in ...

Take care all .... {{hugs}}