Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

30 January 2009

Errmmm Toll Please ... Jan 30, 2009

Yup yup .... this is my awesomely wonderfully placed fengshui strategic desk in the office ...

Now perhaps if Semi Value was still in business I might have won a Toll Concession off him or something - seeing as my coffers are forever in the red ... wait wait even red is too good means there's some figures ... mine's just empty - this would have been an awesome way to make some money.

But as luck would have it, he's out and me ... well I guess I could try to put a bar across or something but me thinks management would not like the idea of that ehehehheeh so in the mean time me thinks I need to grab me one of those mirrors so me can see who is creeping up behind me ... I so hate this 'open back' but am adaptable :)

Me thinks there's subliminal messages here ahahahha but well I can be arse-thick skinned and not the least bothered because at the end of the day, I come I work I get paid (thinks about this for a bit hmmm) it's not where I call home.

Off I scoot ... gotta wait till me cheque's ready to haul ass over to the bank to cash it before 4pm **fingers crossed**

I Have To Go Hmmmmm .... Jan 30, 2009

Guantanamo Bay ... ring a bell? Ya President Obama has signed an order to close that place down within the next 16 months.

And Malaysia is requesting for the return of 2 detainees from Guantanamo Bay ... errrrr WAIT ONE FOOKING MINUTE ... we have Malaysians there?? **ok admittedly I have been a bit of a "katak bawah tempurung" (frog under coconut shell) lately - but I can't believe I missed this.

If you read the news reports in our very unbiased newsprint media you will note that where there is any suggestion of guilt on these two terror suspects (wait wait it's kinda proven they aren't just 'suspect' but involved in the Bali Bombings of 2002 and the JW Marriott Bombings in Jakarta in 2003) it's always in inverted commas i.e. " "

Ok just hold on there one minute. You've got to read just this bit of news today from TheStar online to get a sneaky feeling here. Especially if you remember just towards the last weeks of 2008, Malaysian Government released the one person who was known to have hosted Zacharias the one charged with the 9/11 Terror Attacks in the US. Apparently, our government had found him suitably reformed. Errrrr yeah right. Same people who aren't even willing to consider that the 5 they are holding in Kamunting might be suitably reformed - seeing as they also now belong to an outlawed party.

Perhaps in our blinkered view of the world, these two brethen here spread terror and plotted for more all in the name of the God (lest I be hauled up for the use of another more often used term for God proprietery you see - seeing again that we make hue and cry over the terminology used rather than if the terminology is MISused for miscreant destructive behaviour) hence it is alright to bring them home, do another one of our wayang kulit (shadow play) type justice servings (kinda like the Altantuya murder fiasco) and in a couple of years deem them suitably rehabilitated to be reintroduced into society, because afterall their contributions to the "greater cause" sorta makes them martyrs to some even if most others seem them as vile evil spreading terrorists .

In the mean time, our political detainees continue to rot while waiting for some justice. Our suspected criminals continue to feel the heavy handed 'investigative' methods and some might suspectly suddenly succumb to fluid in the lungs. Can somebody please tell the IGP and his boys that it's time they kinda tried new excuses for sudden death while in their 'safe' custody. The fluid in the lungs story is overused and no longer acceptable. You've got intelligent Malaysians abouts as hard as that is to believe seeing as how our education system is churning out herd mentality segregations and divisions instead of breeding unity and oneness.

Am kinda uneasy at the moment. I can sense that if these two are back in Malaysia in no time they will be walking free men. And we get upset when anyone insinuates that we might be harbouring terrorists here in Malaysia - given the fact that we still have 3 detained in Kamunting for JI allegience, and we have a few more running around eluding dragnet stakeouts for their capture, it does kinda make me go hmmmmmmmmmmm very very nervously.

Happy Weekend all...

23 January 2009

Gong Xi Fa Chai .... Jan 23, 2009

Firstly let me take a moment here to send out my warmest wishes to all who follow as well as passer-bys ... Xin Nian Kuai Le and may the Year of the Ox bring much good luck and good fortune to you and yours.

The video is the CNY '09 official Petronas advert - and as always I got choked up and teary eyed - heehhe I know such a wimp I am! ... They do have the best adds ever! If you can't see the video here click here - Petronas CNY09 - to take you to the website.

I was just reading my Chinese Zodiac and laughing my ass off a bit ... especially the compatibility bit ...

Nobel and chivalrous. Your friends will be life long, yet you are prone to marital strife. You should avoid other Boars. Marry a Rabbit or a Sheep. Heheheheheh ... well advice too late ...

I married a fellow Pig ... and it was to the dot accurate ...

I fell for a Sheep sometime later - and indeed arguements and tension was center court and well that's history too now ...

Apparently the best partner is a furry little long eared Rabbit ... It says thisfor Rabbit+Pig "talk about complimenting each other. the Pig is generous in spirit and with money. The Rabbit is considerate and affectionate. Both like a good party and an active social life. Raising a family is high priority for this witty and wise team. You're both on the same page almost all of the time - enjoy the smooth sailing"

For the Pig+Rabbit it says this "the arguements between these two optimists will be far and few between. They both strive for harmony and they both want world peace and they are both flexible. Neither is driven to succeed and neither wants to be in the spotlight. This loving pair make excellent parents and they will open their home to friends and strangers alike. Everyone is envious of your peaceful coexistence, enjoy the tranquility and each other"

hmmmmmmm - I know a few Rabbits ... they are either 4 years younger or 8 years older ... **checks list of friends** ... damn it! only younger Rabbit dudes feature here - **sigh** ok forget existing/known Rabbits - time to expand the scope - hahahha get me a nice happy bunny to snuggle up to ... kih kih kih ... yeah like one stuffed with cotton most likely - CHIS! for sure no problems to be faced!

Anyhows ... GONG XI GONG XI ... may the Year of the Golden Ox despite the gloomy outlook globally be extra special for you the individual ... I've got to go find me a wabbit to wuff **wink**

22 January 2009

Nothing Changes ... Jan 21, 2008

I have to say, everytime I hear this "Nothing Changes" whether it be in the movies, in songs, in the words I might read randomly off the printed pages or worse from someone I know - I cringe internally while maintaining a steady smile on the outside.

This has got to be one of the most over-used phrases that nobody actually really means when they say it. Either that or they haven't heard or don't subscribe to "The Only Constant is Change" because inevitably be it good or bad change, sad or happy change - change just bloody happens - you can hang on to things all you want it just moves you along with its momentum.

What's important is how we deal with that change ... and let me be the first to put my hand up and say, I deal with change especially the kind that's forced upon me very badly, even if it might eventually work out to be good for me but I initially do very badly with adapting.

Also on a personal note, every time someone has said to me in response to a question of mine - "Nothing Changes" I sense the death knoll of all that was. ahahhahaha I must be an awful person in some way ... because nothing ever stays the way it was for me ... am always in some constantly turbulent wave of change.

Apparently change is good. Errr can I beg to differ on this? Especially if the change includes the exit of someone/s that have become very much a part of my existence? I find that I have learnt to deal with type of change even if I hate having to. The only way I can possibly avoid the pain from such a change is to avoid interactions of any kind and this is not something I can do ... I am too damned people oriented to be an isolated rock on my own.

At times I want to scream no no please don't say those words - but they unwittingly do, and then incredulously everything changes from that point on. Or in the false security of their promises I might relax and be myself more and WHAM! like a bloody left hook, it's all changed.

Last night as I drove back from work, for some reason this phrase kept bugging me. It just kept coming up to my face and like a slap reminded me of all the 'nothing changes' moments and how much I have personally also changed and evolved since then.

Got to admit though am doing better now at adapting to things even if these are changes that do not necessarily make me happy and also learning that all changes big or small eventually lead me to something else ... my next adventure. I suppose one must try to look at everything from as many angles.

So seeing as change is the constant and I am despite my misgivings embracing these changes best I can, can you please do me one simple favour ... if you're trying to make me feel better about anything, please don't you ever say Nothing Changes, chances are change has kicked in way long time ago ...

In the mean time ... here's a number from The Thrills - Nothing Changes Around Here for your entertainment ...

20 January 2009

My New Toy ... Jan 20, 2009

Ok Ok sue me - am only human ... I gave in to temptation and lusty desires (plus I only ever buy phones like once every 5 years) **ehehhehe** and bought meself a Nokia E71 ... have you seen this baby??? aiya ... if you haven't which rock you been hiding under???

You wanna know what my new baby looks like? Go here E71 and feast the eyes and drool .... she's awesome ... **note I'm refering to it as 'she' not 'he' - there's a reason - males just disappoint**

And I think Charles D'Carr got jealous ... so what does he do??? Knowing I burnt a bigger hole in my already hole filled pockets on my E71, Charles decides that it is time to create an expense for me ... so he's just rigged up about something under RM1000 on brake discs, brake pads and a host of other bits of a car I don't even want to know about ,.... all I know is if I don't change him anytime soon, well either I'll end up in some car wreck costing me more, and/or as an added plus you might get to come see my ashes scattered in the not so blue ocean ... since he seems to jam and pull to a side while I frantically try to get him back under my control ... not a good thing if you know how I zoom zoom abouts ...

So anyways ... my baby she's gorgeous ... :))) am learning her and how to coax her to work and all her special little extras ... yup yup ... am in lustfully happy satisfaction land ... SOOOOOOOOOO much better than having to fake an orgasm for a totally useless male at the end of that protrusion **eheheheheheheh am in a shits bitchy mood as you can see - wouldn't you be too if you were sitting in the office close to midnight working**

So if you are thinking of a phone upgrade ... the Nokie E71 is my contribution to the world ... and there's some awesome snaps already I've taken while driving of this morning's sunrise and skyline ... SUPER YUMMY 3.2 megapixel camera ... eheheheh

My faithful 6600 is around ... likely to be the emergency texting phone haahah since no can talk on it no more **sigh**

Let me get back to you on her performance along the way ... for now zooming back to work ... was just taking a 5 minute distraction :)

16 January 2009

Stalkers ... Jan 16th, 2008

Lately checking my blog visitor list, I've been curious to find Shanghai featured in my list. Now when I think Shanghai, I am reminded of a certain someone and a certain context. Then as much as I cracked me already muddled head - I couldn't put one single person down that I knew in Shanghai on a personal level that they'd be interested to repeatedly visit my blog.

Now if I were to be so 'perasan' and think that anyone is improving their lexical resourcefulness by reading my ramblings, I'd have to first stop laughing ... look at my 'Powderful England' man - it's no Oxford dictionary English tutoring aid **heheheh**

What I found even more interesting is the fact that people are actually googling to find me - although having said that, it's not like people are falling out of the sky or crawling out of the wall cracks contacting me ... which led me to think - What an odd thing to do (sorta plagarised from the Simpsons heheheh). And how do I again so 'perasanly' know it's me these person/s are googling - the combination of criteria input in the search box. Like DUH!!!! How many Anita George's do you know works in XYBASE or uses the handle akuani and is from Seremban, Malaysia ... like aiyo!!!! (and I just made it easier for you to find me now when you randomly search me! :p - aren't I just so nice???!!)

This sorta was disconcerting. I mean, not like I am anybody famous - I mean at least not yet heeheheh my Booker Prize Bestseller is not out yet ... (When it is I expect all of you to buy a consignment to aid in my royalties collection ok - talk about brutal honesty!!) I lead such a non-existing lifestyle, that I cannot possibly be of interest to anyone who is a stranger.

Ahaaaaa my first clue - this person/s was not a stranger to me. And that kinda got me intuition going on who this was. I am not really sure if I ought to be flattered or fluxed! I mean errrr why are you so interested in knowing what is going on in my life? Knowing you, that is not a good thing but hey, this is my space, my thoughts, my little place to just be me ... deal with it somehow. If you're checking up on me still via Friendster and my blogs, it means you have issues still ... you know what I mean??

So anyhows if it makes Shanghai Stalker/s happy to come by and dissect my ramblings, hoping to find something errr there's not much to find - what I say here is how I am in person pretty blunt to a point of incisive sharpness **smiles angelically**

Lastly .... Hello JK **grin** - yes I did figure out that it had to be you .... who else despite leaving 6 years ago would continue to want to see how his departure colours my world - truth be told - you don't matter anymore to me on any personal level. What matters is as a father what you do for our girls :)) ... and have you tried comparing photos of your children, the resemblance is uncanny **giggle giggle**

The weekend is upon us yet again ... I need some well deserved rest to recuperate ... medications seem to be forming a part of my existence and all this daily travelling has seriously caused a lot of health issues which are beginning to come to the fore as 40 looms ahead ...

Enjoy the short reprieve :)) .... before another work week

13 January 2009

An Observation ... Jan 13, 2009

I note that another round of humanitarian funds for the those suffering in Gaza has been put in place. PM of Bolehland is according to our newspaper headlines with extreme clout telling the UN to intervene in this catastrophe of pain and suffering on people.

There are emails with pictures sent in frenzy by everyone wanting to be seen as a sympathiser to the Gazans plight and not be seen as supporting the Jewish state. We even have pictures showing young Israelite kids signing rockets before they are launched into Gaza.

I wonder how come we never see the ones how HAMAS also sends into Israel ... - anyhows that's not my observation.

My observation is ... Malaysia and it seems Malaysians and Malay Muslims more pertinently, seem to have a fascination to jump up to aid/shelter/marry eventually good looking Muslims. Do you remember the Bosnian exodus we had here back in the 90s? All those pretty blonde blue eyed girls with their headscraves suddenly upon our shores and how quite a few of our local boys hooked a few so that even Bosnians became 'Melayu' suddenly ...

But how is it that the Muslims dying by the thousands daily in the never ceasing ethnic wars in Africa continue to be somewhat ignored by the Malaysian public and media as a whole. Have we conscience only when there is beauty? If you're African, let the rest of the world Muslim or otherwise come to their aid ... When was the last time we went about posing with our self righteous cheques in the local media. We also made it to the media headlines ....

**sigh** perhaps I am being too harsh on these charitable souls .. and I admit, I've yet to part with any moolah as yet. Not sure if I will, I think there are things closer to home that warrant more immediate attention ... maybe I'm just not one of the pack ...

Thank You Big G .... Jan 13, 2009

Big G in the sky ... I just want to say Thank You for hearing all our prayers. You have once again proved in Your Time means when you see it best to deliver Your Blessings upon us.

Truly the New Year has dawned ... .ani is smiling because I am happy ...

1 January 2009

New Year's Day ... Jan 01, 2009

**dusts the dust of 2008 off, checks supplies and rations, wipes goggles clean, equipment good to go .... revs up engine and headlong into 2009 ..... vrrrooommmmmmmmm**

Now if only life were that simple :) .... am sitting on my bed, in the room, in the house I have been 'house-sitting' these last month, pretty much alone except for the maid cleaning abouts downstairs and the dog in slumber on the kitchen floor ... the clock says 17:35 .... wow ... 17 hours into the new year .... errmmmm feels a bit like the old really ...

I swear all this hype and marketing new year blah blah blah .... like as if anything changes with the change of the last digit on the calendar.

Perhaps yes to some or even most people. Looks like 2009 still has old unwanted baggage for me ... although this time I am choosing to not be bothered by it anymore ... mutate all you want you stinking garbage ... eventually you too succumb to nature's rule and degenerate into oblivion.

I spent the eve also practically in the same position I am in now. Worked the day, struggled through the massive jams back to base camp, had dinner early, showered, logged on to my pc and surfed the world. Caught up with a few global friends, reconnected with another girlfriend and exchanged news after almost a year I think and welcomed the new year in with calling home and wishing siblings.

Only difference - this year I texted no one any greetings - ahahahha very unlike .ani - usually I have a very personally written wish for everyone and send it out in time before the networks jam and all but haven't this time. And I haven't even replied a single message as yet. I have a plan :)) a cunning plan ahahahahahh - yeah yeah I wish I was as cunning as the Black Adder but alas!

This out of character is likely due the number of shitty year end servings I had in 2008. And also the fact that .ani after a long hiatus from such frivilous stupidity, actually fancied someone - hahaahha - yes yes this means a recipe for disaster as always. Anyhows, .ani has decided to cut the person some slack and go crawl back into my hole for a bit. Like me galpal Ju says, don't do an .ani - which perhaps I am guilty off ... I mean so I care overwhelmingly ... my crime, sue me!

But over the years and in all the interactions, I have come to learn that society and people cannot deal with honest straight talking agendaless caring. People are built to to always do something for something. There is always a reason for anything anyone offers anyone else. I personally if I don't care two hoots for someone, I don't pretend to. If I do care for someone, at whatever level or degree, I guess I tend to do an .ani (ask me sometime what the hell an .ani is about hahaahahha)

Now which brings me to think. Should I then as part of my 2009 resolutions (which incidentally is not hard and fast carved in stone as yet) decide that .ani is going to not give a damn about anyone anymore unless it is to be personal benefit???? Be a user like the types I see around me all the time - all trying to get up that great big hill of whatever they are chasing and stepping and smashing perceived competition to smithereens. The kinds that make me wretch and almost literally 'vomit blood' at their stinking insincerity ... **sigh** I cannot be like that.

So it seems the endless catch 22 repeats. Be myself - get fooked, try to be like others - likely to get fooked too ... oh sod it! .ani is like this. I care about those I mark as inner circle. Just got to stop being overwhelming I suppose - manageable change request there!

So let's see what we got for 2009 ... hmmmmm
1. be less overwhelming to people I care about (already implemented - giving them ALL the space the want)
2. kick their balls when people kick me in my teeth
3. get cracking on working on a more healthy me
4. read more, write more, think more, plan and execute more, play more - errrr this last one I dunno but we try
5. make time to meet friends more
6. widen my circle of friends by meeting new interesting people constantly - keeps me sharp and interesting too (kill 2 birds with 1 stone la ni)
7. don't ever let heart get the better of me head - somethings are plain fact, live with it! .ani is solo cruising till the end!
8. take one awesome vacation alone to discover myself, the place, the people - live to tell the tale and immortalise the experience via words and images

YeeeeGAWD!!!! If I manage even 1 of these successfully, it might have worth trying to come up with some form of resolution for the year ahead. Haven't made any in a long time - almost allergic to the words resolutions but let's see. Apparently a new year means a new slate to go do what we can with it. So .ani is going to go do her best with 2009.

Like I said in my post from last year (waaaaaa like so long ago only), got me gear and am ready - afterall I've had 37 yrs of survival training ... its going to come to good use no doubts as I walk into my 38th battle scarred but still alive and kicking ....

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all ...