Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

30 December 2008

2009 Wishes ... Dec 30, 2008

I probably will be too bored to death on New Year's Eve to sit down and write anything worth while in the form of wishes for the coming year ... so if you have seen this from my Super Wall post to you on FB ... sorry for the rerun but there's only so much creativity left in me - gotta re-energize for the coming year ...

Now if this don't give you a headache from the colour clashing I dunno but here's wishing you a wonderful start to 2009 ... It's going to be a tough year for everyone what with the global economy downturn and the rumours that this is 'The Great Depression' of this century ...

Spend wisely, dig in your heels, tighten your belts and let's survive this financial crisis best we can and still find joy in all the small things that REALLY matter like family, children and friends ...

And before I forget - remember to practice BUB-ing - we don't really need those fines do we even if the enforcement is obviously going to be crap - seeing all the exclusions they have introduced. The whole rear passenger buckle up program feels like another one of those "gomen" type farces ... masa ini hangat hangat tahi ayam je .... lepas tu biar bertimbun timbun mati ... takdir kan?????? **sigh**

Be safe on the roads this holiday season ... and see more of you all next year I hope ... .ani is always happy to see friends :))

God Bless and Have a Super 2009 !!!

23 December 2008

4 Days and Counting .... Dec 27, 2008

Now where did all those days go to suddenly ... Christmas is upon me yet again and am I even vaguely ready?? Hell No!! It's been a rollercoaster of sorts this last quarter of 2008.

In September, my baby sister got married. In Italy no less with family and friends ... It's quite awesome to look back at how this feisty strong willed young lady has come along. My brother inlaw is either crazy or very brave ahahahah there is but a thin line dividing either ... heeheh but seriously they are awesome together and I am bursting with joy at their union. The church wedding was so beautiful ... the reception Villa was even more breathstaking ... Italy was amazing break away from the mundane routine of work work work .... I came back ready to dive into things but as Murphy's Law would have it, things have taken a sharp swerve into rocky roads ...

Divorce hearing dates keeping coming and going - postpone because judge on leave, postpone because co-respondent lawyer cannot make it apparently (then shows up) but anyhows judge is being transferred ... so another delay till next February. It's happening just taking longer than expected ... but eventually it will have to end ... Jacob and she know that - time to legitimize their creation ...

2008 started off with some old baggage being dragged into the year. Some have since worked themselves out. Others have sorta mutated into variables that even I have lost count off.

But the highlights of 2008 that I feel have been awesomely (damn got to find a new word I seem stuck on awesome ... sorta like a COWABANGA from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles haahha remember that one???) refreshing to my soul despite several differing of opinions and misunderstandings cause even though we speak English, sometimes things are lost in transition and translation eheheheh..

Blog hopping into Uncle AD's blog which has introduced me to so many interesting new people and reconnected with some people from the past ... one being AD himself. I met my 'thambi' Kerpie via AD's blog, and Riddzy the snakeman, Anba the boy from Stone Elephant where apparently wildboar is the dish of the day **heehehehhe**, Achilles articles on health and fitness, Nanda and his views ... and even sitting in a mamak enjoying an evening of drinks and food with a whole bunch of die hard Kopites ... - that has to account for something being a Red Devil fan myself ahahah - wonders never cease.

Getting down to really knowing some really amazing (oh boy another word block here!!) people who have shown me what friendship really means. And indeed friends are the family we get to choose and these guys and gals have shown us that despite circumstances, friendships are bonds that cannot be broken by those who are unable to share in the joys. I've acquired brothers and sisters and 'inlaws' and nephews and nieces and sons and daughters ... that have shown me that despite the insanity that prevails in the world we live in, there is always hope that humanity is able to rise above all trials and tribulations and that love and respect for each other gives us a bond and strength unbreakable. Aside from my brother and sister whom I love unconditionally, I have to say the guys and girls who understand what 'Mission Control' is all about, you are truly wonderful people and we Georges love you all .... there is no such thing as strangers anymore, just family. And for all of you I pray that 2009 brings everything that your hearts desire and may dreams come true.

Malaysia, India, Canada, US, UK, Australia, Korea, Singapore, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Libya, Pakistan, Azerbaijan - just a handful of places on the map ... that I have found friends and friendship that transcend borders and racial and religious differences. Just people who come together mutually respecting the fact that as thinking rational adults, we agree to disagree ... Often when I've been down in the doldrums, they have lifted my spirits and made me realise I'm not done for just yet - there's still fight in me ...

One such angel is Nazeen. She sat with me on my defunct 10th wedding anniversary talking and listening, she was with me watching the people go by after the latest postponement of my hearing and she's always a call of FB chat away ... sometimes, you meet people who just click ... I like to think also that I click with another friend from the past.

We don't know what the future holds for each of us ... so best is to just kinda ride this rollercoaster and enjoy it even if there are moments when your tummy turns all woozy and you get sick and even throw up ... my advice, clean up jump right back in and go screaming over the loops and spins and spirals and as you hang upside down before that skin peeling rush down the last bit of rail .... remember everything that life throws us kinda just makes us better stronger people ....

4 days to 2009 ... am looking forward even though turbulence is on the radar. I got my life jacket, I got my whistle and torch and my safety boots and helmet too ... bring it on life, .ani is ready for the ride!!!

12 December 2008

12 Days To Christmas ... Dec 12, 2008

I have been listening to some really interesting music over the last few days ... and then some really good dance stuff and suddenly it dawned on me that Christmas is creeping up on me again and I'm no where near started shopping or even putting up the tree.

What's Christmas without the tree and gifts for kids and everyone else who has the spirit of a child during the season to be jolly ho ho ho...

And then I chanced upon Achmed The Dead Terrorist's version of Jingle Bells oh I mean Jingle Bombs ... ahhaha you have to admit the words are way way too funny not to laugh even if perhaps the language is really not something for the wee ones ...

Have you ever caught this act?? Jeff Dunham and Achmed?? I've only ever seen them over YouTube - but I have to say Achmed's I KEEELL YOOOOUUUUU is too funny although perhaps sometimes borders on the ignorance of the American's of the world outside what they are fed by their governments (I wonder if the Obama administration will make a difference to the myopic "We're the World" Americans.

The link to Jingle Bombs if you can't catch the video (esp. if you're reading this via FB Notes) otherwise here's Achmed's Carolling ....

The Lyrics:
dashing through the sand with a bomb strapped to my back
I have a nasty plan for christmas in iraq
I got through checkpoint a but not through checkpoint b
thats when i got shot in the ass by the us military
jingle bombs jingle bombs mine flew up you see
where are all the virgins that bin laden promised me
jingle bombs jingle bombs your soldiers shot me dead
the only thing that i have left is this towel upon my head
i used to be a man, but everytime i cough,
thanks to uncle sam my nuts keep falling off!
my bombing days are done, i need to find some work
perhaps it would be much safer as a convenience store night clerk!
jingle bombs, jingle bombs, i think i got screwed
don't laugh at me because i'm dead

11 December 2008

Tagged Again .... Dec 11, 2008

It seems however I try to avoid these it does come around to bite me on my rather lavish toosh! So here goes and no thanks to Uncle Anfield Devotee (http://anfielddevotee.blogspot.com/)

1. Do you think you're hot?
Hell NO!!!!! This Q should have been do you think you're FAT ... and I've have said yes without a blink but alas...

So no never not ever likely to think am hot - but I can live with not being hot after all hotness fades. I'm good person with a good heart or some people tell me, that's WAAAYYYYYY better than hot!

2. Upload a favourite picture of you

3. Why do you like this picture?
It was Christmas 2006 with the family and extended family. The spirit of that BBQ party kicked off at 6pm on the 24th and lasted till the wee hours of the 25th not before much singing, wine and fruit cake at midnight. It was the first Christmas celebration that truly the love of my siblings and family and friends was felt by me. If I could freeze one moment in time forever to relive the warm fuzzy feeling in my heart that Christmas Eve, it would be this very amazing night of family and friendships. Uncle AD is there too - first time ever in my house I note :)) and we look forward to many more in the future of this amazing group of people I've come to love very dearly.

4. When was the last time you ate Pizza?
Hmmmmmmmm has to be in September in Varese, Italy ... not too much of a fast food person and nothing beats original Italian Pizza anyways - super yummy!!

5. The last song you listened to
Well let's see now? When I was in the car driving into gates, me thinks it was Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time .. am on YouTube as I do this and Imeem as well so got a lot going on at the moment ... so the very last song I listened to yet again would have to be this one that my buddy "Skinny Ass" shared with me! ... Peter Gabriel's Book of Love ... it's growing on me man it's growing on me ... am humming it even in me sleep -

6. What are you doing right now?
On the bed, laptop on my lap, typing answers to these really weird Questions ... why? am not sure meself ... but what the heck, don't hurt none I suppose.

7. What name would you prefer besides yours?
Oh Boy!!! Mary Anita is me given name - hardly pious or saintly like Mary the mother of Jesus, nor like rehabilitated prostitute Mary Magdalene (wow do I have some strong expectations to live up to!) but perhaps a lesson in me name might help.

Mary - bitter, Anita - graciousness = Bitter Graciousness. Some friends tell me that for all the bitterness I have lived through my life, I am still always gracious - me thinks they be idiots at times but then again, perhaps not!

So hmmmm what would I prefer as a name? Would it be reasonable to say call me Survivor - nothing's killed me spirit yet and I always dust off and survive!

Now who can I tag seeing as me blog list pals isn't awesomely long or anything ... alamak! Errrmmmm I think I tag me buddies
1. Phaji (http://soldieratsunrise.blogspot.com/)
2. Sunshine Boy (http://ilive-foru.blogspot.com/)

5 December 2008

Sometimes When We Touch ... Dec 05, 2008

This song is often a request of many newly marrieds. I know I have sung it once or twice in the past when my siblings, a few friends and I were 'wedding singers'. Dan Hill does an awesome rendition and every time Ihear this song I know I get goosebumps.

I suppose I did imagine this to always be part of my love songs repertoire for the man in my life. There's a certain blunt honesty about this song, and I think people truly in love can immediately feel the meanings reverberate within their souls.

Lately I've had this song playing in my head often and I tend to find myself sub-consciously singing over the blasting radio as I drive to work. And I am wondering if it relates to a certain emotion and is it because of a certain someone from my past my present my future ... it's a rather hard place to be. But I know that all things must come to pass and then the road lies wide open up ahead with opportunities abound ... Perhaps I might sing this song someday for the one I've looked for all my life ...

I am sure this song brings back loads of memories to anyone above 35 :)

p/s: if you can't see the video this is the link

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Rain Of Your Parade ... Dec 05, 2008

I seem to be on a song mode lately. And I think most of the songs are reflective of the emotions I am going through. This song appeals to me as I prepare for the showdown on the 10th of Dec ... which to me is a turning point to my last 6 years.

You might be on parade now all in pomp and glory my dear, but someday it will rain on your parade, I might be there to see it or I might not be there but to me life's only going to get better for me, because I am choosing to make it so.

Happy Weekend all .... here's Duffy's latest number which kinda sorta says what I want to say .... enjoy!

The link if you can't see the video

4 December 2008

3 Stories Of Enlightenment ... Dec 04, 2008

I've been getting these a few times but I think it's worth sharing ... lessons to be learnt should always be shared with friends ... :)

Happy reading ...

Story 1: The Turtles

A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. The turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing. Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last!

For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements. Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home. Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned. The family consented and the little turtle left.

Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years...six years... then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger. He announced that he was going to eat and begun to unwrap a sandwich. At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting, 'See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt.'

[ Some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we don't do anything ourselves .]

Story 2 : The Frogs

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs. The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied, 'There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs - millions of them. They all croak all night long and they are about to make me crazy!' So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several weeks.

The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs. The restaurant owner said, 'Well... where are all the frogs?' The farmer said, 'I was mistaken.. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!'

[ Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember, it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs. Also remember that problems always seem bigger in the dark. Have you ever laid in your bed at night worrying about things which seem almost overwhelming like a million frogs croaking? Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes, and you take a closer look, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about ]

Story 3: The Pretty Lady

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river. The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted. The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. 'How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?' thought the little monk. But he kept quiet. The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her.

All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of acussations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation. Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. 'How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite The big monk looked surprised and said, 'I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?'

[ This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous .. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away.We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony.Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river, that is after the unpleasant event is over.This will immediately remove all our agonies.There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over.]

Right Now .... Dec 04, 2008

I dunno am not a huge fan of Akon, although some of his songs actually gets me moving and this one does get me doing just that right about now ahhahahaahha

Perhaps .ani is hitting the low blues of Christmas Holiday season or something, but for some reason this song really has me dancing in my car, while at my desk, whenever it comes on air. Poor people around me cannot understand what I am on about humming and bobbing my head abouts **kih kih kih** perhaps some think it's an epilectic fit .... who cares, I like the song.

Not for everyone I suppose but fer now, I like this song - enjoy it if you do - it's not the original video ... am looking for it myself ... :)

The video link

3 December 2008

WIWINWIG - Newest Acronym, Dec 03, 2008

Lately this has been a repeating sort of theme in my life. Forget the world famous WYSIWYG there ought to be another one that has equal notoriety which its WIWINWIG (What I Want Is Not What I Get) - which ironically sounds almost pronounceable as a word - don't you agree?

a. Happy Married Life - ahahahahahahahahahahhahahaahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahaha **wipes tears** we all know how that went and need I elaborate? No I don't think we need to. I'm going to go to court on the 10th of December and kinda just hope some sense prevails in there and I get some knotches closer to closure I've waited for.

b. 5 Figured Salary Before 40 - aiya this another failed mission to date. But then again perhaps where there is failure now there is opportunity awaiting. So I shall remain optimistic, I may need to move the timeline to 50 but then again life is is about enjoying the simple things yes??? In that case I am 10 figure rich because I have the love of family and friends and their support always.

c. Finding A New Man - this is probably the worst of the WIWINWIG situations. I mean the very fact that I am still just a 'technically single' already is complication enough, and then everytime I meet a guy I actually like and would be love for it to develop, it just sputters out into nothingness. It's like a plague that follows me constantly a dark evil shadow. And everytime the inevitable happens, I remember the old Chinese auntie who read my future aside from saying I had a bloody neon sign calling me 'SUCKER' on my forehead which made people feel totally not guilty for using me, I would never be successful in this games of hearts. I feel like throwing the proverbial blanket in and crawling into a hole.

But if life's anything to learn from, then giving up has never featured as an option. I mean I come close to giving up, especially when the self-esteem has taken another whack, the gung-ho spirit is flagging from too many battles - yes I've thought of giving up on what I want or see myself achieving but then again, I think God made me a woman because we're built for hardier things.

Giving up is never really an option. One knock, two knocks innumerable, but we pick ourselves up, dust of and move forward.

(I know I have been driving PG-18 up the wall lately by throwing all my inane thoughts and whinging on him and then arguing for the sake of arguing because well he unfortunately is the one available at all odd hours of the day. But I have to say, he's a dear to still talk to me everytime I say hello on Skype - God Bless your soul for putting up with my ranting and raving :)) - you should listent to some of your own advice sometime yourself PG-18. - Thanks buddy!)

WIWINWIG might keep knocking me down but you gotta pick a lesser mortal to cow or cull .... I'm just too much of a fighter to give up just yet.

Felt like adding this little piece all funked up from the original Canon in Dmajor by Pachelbel - enjoy the riffs ....

Hope you enjoyed that .... :)

1 December 2008

Talk On Autism & Asperger's Syndrome

This bit of information is shared by my blogger buddy AD and I think it's worth sharing in view of the limited access to material and information on living with autism in Malaysia. Please kindly share the information with as many people as you care to. And help educate the public.

much thanks,

Nilai University College (Nilai UC) together with the Faculty of Allied Health Sciences UKM is organising a seminar featuring updates on high functioning autism and asperger's syndrome.

The seminar brings together a panel of local and international speakers who are renowned practitioners in this area. Together they will cover topics on the assessment and identification of the disorders, available professional treatment and the empowerment of parents and caregivers in a specially crafted half day seminar.

Title : Making sense of another piece of the puzzle: Updates on High Functioning Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome
Date : 20th DECEMBER 2008 (Saturday)
Time : 8.30am-1pm
Venue : UKM KL Branch, Jalan Raja Muda Abdul Aziz
Fees : RM30nett per person (fee includes tea break)


1. Assessment, Diagnosis and Associated Difficulties by Clinical Assoc. Prof. Dr. Zasmani Shafiee
Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist, Gleneagles Medical Centre Penang

2. Cognitive Behaviour Therary by Ms. Winnie Lau
Clinical Psychologist, Minds and Hearts, Brisbane, Australia

3. Parent Empowerment by Dr. Alvin Ng Lai Oon
Clinical Psychologist, Faculty of Allied Health Sciences, Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia

To register, please call - Ms. Shoba at +6068502338 ext 298 or email seminardec20@nilai.edu.my