Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

23 April 2008

Current Favourite Radio Personality Apr 23, 2008

As you all know, I have this long standing love affair withs radio and since I've never managed to gather the nerve to go apply for a position to be on air, I'm just your average boring IT Project Manager who sneaks in time to blog especially if something captures my fascination.

Over the years I've kinda grown up listening to the English stations in this country. Back when there was only Blue Network or was it Radio 4 first then only Blue Network??

Anyways the point I am trying to make is I grew up listening to Constance Haslam and Patrick Teoh on the RTM English radio station that played all genre. My favourites were those played between 10pm to midnight - the Golden Oldies.

I loved Constance crisp no nonsense style. Patrick you had to take with a pinch of salt. As he grew older he became 'crabbier' but still those were folks who spoke "Powderful England" and who sowed the seeds of my infatuation with radio. They weren't eye candy but they were sharp witty entertaining - it feels like a totally different time - HELL wait a sec IT WAS a totally different time.

Then a few more stations started appearing with English content. I think one of the few was with RJs I got fond off were Time Highway Radio (THR) with the likes of Elena Fernandez, Richard LaFaber, Fly Guy ... I began my radio station calling in. Comedy Tuesdays with Fly Guy, Elena's voice and style was something I felt I could emulate, Richard's wicked streak and puns left me in stitches and I started becoming a recognisable voice to the RJs too. We'd have short catch up type convos if time permitted.

Then Astro took off and offered a few more stations. Fly Guy moved to Hitz and his tie up with Lil Kev took the airwaves by storm. I was hooked. If I didn't have my Fly and Kev servings in the morning, my day was not off to a good start.

If there was one thing that Jacob and I did seem to agree on was our morning dose of these two clowns. I've met Fly in person once and met Lil Kev in person once and both were so damn down to earth that the wackiness they infused to the Morning Crew addicts was quite interesting.

After Jacob's departure, which was also eventually the end of the Fly and Lil Kev partnership on air - everyone eventually moves on I guess to better things ... I used to listen to Light.fm driving to and from work. For some reason, I'd avoided Mix in the mornings although I love the music played on this station ....

Lately in the last 3 years or so, I am totally a Mix.fm addict. I grew fond of Richard Ng and Shazmin and the morning show. I called in so often, sometimes when I did get through Richard and Shaz seemed to have been expecting my call. My voice was also instantly recognised by my friends who also waited to hear if I'd call in with some quirky quip for that day's topic.

In fact even my uncle who listens in while driving to work would text me immediately after he heard my call and we'd have a discussion about the topic hahahaha that was some interesting relation connector :))

My other favourites on Mix were Non and Aldeena - I had long chats with Al. I miss her terribly but she's all married now and happy chasing dreams. I managed to chat after a long time with Al on YM and it felt like old times. I did ring her on her very last hour on Mix and chatted a good 40mins exchanging contact details. I felt so odd without Al on the 8pm to midnight slot, she was my friend on my drives home from work.

Then one fine morning, 3 new voices greeted me on Mix. It took a long long long time for me to get used to Richard and Shaz departure from the airwaves. I grieved and totally refused to listen to Mix in the morning. But then again I figured give the new guys a chance. So there's Ika, Serena and Pietro now ... gotten used to them and started calling in again with quips and stuff and yes ... I am a die hard Mix music fan. The 3 have their own style of madness ...

Non left too ... So did Ross, seems like on Ika and Anu are the pioneers - even then am not sure as Anu crossed over from Hitz.

Then new people came in Sham, Jay, JoJo - am still trying to find that fondness I have for the others in these newbies - its a work in progress no doubts. *am sure I'll get there no offense to the kids, they are doing their best!*

Then one afternoon, at lunch time I plugged my headset on and switched to Mix for some music. Eh? I think this is a new boy on the block. Who this be? I listen to the voice and I think hey I know this voice but who is it. Finally I hear the name - Roshan, oooooooo nice name (in fact it's my favourite nephew's name). As I listen I realise this is the chap who used to read the news - because I remember listening to him a few times and thinking - that's a nice voice. Something mischievous about this person.

Me being the Curious George that I am, I checked the website - aha! there he is ... airbrushed and all he looks pretty cute, but I'd be cradle snatching the boy if I went beyond saying he's cute ... am sure lotsa girls have the hots for this boy.

A little more 'stalking' haahaha Ohhhhh he was formerly on Fly.fm as well interesting, interesting. So I called in one day - now why is Roshan my current favourite? aahha because he's a ManU die hard fan - heeheheheh that's why.

That itself shot him into mega liked category. I've been following him on air whenever time permits (and that's not very often) but he's on at lunch time and so I tune in. He's getting better. I did mention that sometimes he too sarky, not everyone can stomach that ... but he said that's the angle he is working on - ehehehhe well sarky is my domain eheheh so this should be interesting to watch develop... I mean listen not watch.

I did give him a bit of a hard time that he and Jay are always at each other. So I said hey is there something going on we all ought to know about ... cause this love hate thingy always has a strange twist - hahahah you should have heard the denials. I also bet he did turn a couple of shades redder (Roshan don't skat! I still in your fanclub)

So ya, currently got Roshan's learning curve on air being tracked and plotted against KPIs according to ani. Do I get to submit this report to your bosses Roshan??? *wicked grin*. He's got fans even if it's little old ladies like myself - damn I am sure he'd want super hot hootchie mamas as Lil Kev used to say - but you got to start somewhere I guess.

So for now my love affair with radio continues in sporadic call ins. Mayhap I might get the nerve one day to give it a shot. I got the voice (radio presence someone has once said) been mistaken for a RJ many times - like I'd be known as anything but ani on air. This life is full of surprises and untapped potential, it's a matter of wanting it bad enough and going out to get that opportunity.

So Roshan, ManU, music and banter - keep it up kiddo ... am rooting for ya!!

22 April 2008

Is There No Concept of Privacy Left? Apr 22, 2008

What pray tell am I on about? hehheh take a look at the pictures and tell me ... public copulation I swear and they dare demand privacy? Who are you kidding???

Imagine a hot muggy Saturday evening,... where even the breeze that sporadically descends feels like an unbearable weight ... and then you spot such fornication.

Needless to say Ashna and Kasha was totally excited and rapid fire type questions kept coming at me ... and I thought I was "Questionista" ... man they are way ahead of me in firing questions.

Now firstly one must note that Ashna is 8 and Kasha is 6. Reproduction should be the least of their concerns. But there right before their eyes an amazing ritual is progressing. Procreation for the sole purpose of reproduction.

I cannot imagine these here insects were caught fornicating for the pure reason of it's fun to get shagged or laid or whatever the latest lingo is. Their was a copulation focused on a reproduction of their specie, assuring another generation of their specie.

It must have been this particular type of butterfly's/moth's(??) mating season. On closer inspection of the plants outside there were quite a few couples in the shadows of leaves and branches. This particular pair was clinging on to that blade of grass against the breeze that blew and hence why I spotted them.

Persistence against adversity was something that struck me about this pair. I'd moved from the that grass to the flower pot to the leaf ... not a flinch ... a good hour later they parted and flew off in different directions ... I was left in some bawdy frame of mind with equally bawdy jokes at the time which caused me to break into giggles for no apparent reason especially when I thought about these creatures and I thought about us evolved animal called (wo)man!

What a significant difference between the animal world and mankind but let me not begin to ramble on this subject matter.

In my facebook album and old friend asked is there no privacy and I said nope ... :)) haahah but in today's living privacy is something one has to fight tooth and nail to keep intact ... although some others think they are living their lies in total anonymity whilst actually everyone else has found them out especially the ones they want to hide most from.

The problem with lies and misled believe of anonymity, is that when the person is found out, they tend to get defensive ... go figure the logic in this but anyhow what can be done? Let them live they way they choose and the time be their judge.

Nope privacy is dead and gone. Now everything you do potentially ends up on YouTube. One might flatulate and that be funny enough to share with minions of YouTubers. People seem to have lost their sense of privacy over time and now what one person does in private constitutes an opportunity for another to milk the information starved masses.

I am sure the couple I spent time photographing were in the least bit concerned about my presence purely from the aspect that they had a deed to do. If someone likes my picture I might make some money from it ... but it's not like YouTube material.

Mayhap my intrusions might have broken the momentum but from what I was seeing other than being 'attached' to each other, nothing else moved ... my first intrinsic look at capturing detail at a macro level but I liked the results.

Anyhow, since we've concluded that privacy is a thing of the past, should we go about living as we do or should we cowering in fear that somehow we're going to become media fodder?

Let me go think .... {{hugs}}

19 April 2008

Charles Impending Separation Apr 18, 2008

Charles odometer reads a staggering 203879kms done in under 5 years ... he turns 5 in September. Charles is aging and well starting to show the signs atypical to the male specie :) after a given period of time males need to move on (this is from solely from my own experience - so it's open to debate to which I am not interested to enter)

In the month of March and April this year I have spent RM 3000 in repairs.

Timing belt - inevitable. Skimming of brake discs, changing of brake pads, changing of wheel bearings, changing of one something or other nugger. Brake pump - eeeeks ... WTF am I doing revving up to 160km/hour everyday if all the problems are brake related .. well like I said some posts ago ... God's hand is on Charles everyday ...

Well this morning, I was meant to be at work. In a client meeting. But yesterday morning while driving to work, I realised that my car was beginning to sound like a lorry ... I thought I was being paranoid.

Apparently NOT. It was worse at night all the way in the dark and rain. I drove slowly (by my terms slowly is anything below 120kms/hr) .... and got home in one piece. I thought it would be the wheel again and yes I was right only didn't expect such a huge dent in the wallet.

It seems that for now Charles is more a liability than an asset. I owe still quite a bit to the bank in terms of Hire Purchase. He fetches some 60% on the road value and is costing me holes on repairs. My bank account is begging to be saved from Charles induced expenses.

A good friend who is very car savvy said to me "Ani you need a car that's not going to let you down in the middle of the road at some unGodly hour. So push it till the year end but start looking around for something new and how you might be able to trade in and get a good value for the car"

Sound advice no doubt. I've been driving Charles now close to 5 years, I love the way we work as a team. And I like my hatchback car with the road hugging feeling he has. I love how comfy he feels around corners and bends.

But me thinks, yes I better start looking for another set of wheels. Charles has been good but he's beginning to show wear and tear and with the kind of distance I cover daily, he needs to take a break.

Anybody with any suggestions? What sort of car might be a worthy replacement for my Kia Rio 1.3(A). I love hatchbacks. I love space in my car.

But I better not talk about replacement within hearing range of Charles, he's going to get upset and cost me more repairs for sure - the chap might be a heap of metal but he has feelings too.

17 April 2008

XYBASE Gala Night Apr 12, 2008

Yup that's me. I dunno to be aghast or accept the inevitable that this is me and there's no running away from that obvious. Anyhows the question that might run through your mind is "What in God's name is that woman wearing and why?' Well to cut a long story short, I was co MC to the XYBASE Gala Night 2008 (in other words the Annual Dinner) We had a Black Tie Red Carpet theme. Now don't get me wrong ya. I understand what Black Tie is ... but Red Carpet??? Initially when I couldn't find me a sack to fit for the evening, I did consider buying myself a length of red carpeting and creatively wrapping it unto myself but it seems nobody else saw the humour in that suggestion - so the plan was ditched!

So I had to endure the trauma of searching for something to wear. Thankfully I dragged Ping around with me and scoured the outlets that carried plus sizes - YEAH! *sigh* I might be short, but am a plus sized gal what else can I say...

Eventually we stumbled into this outlet in 1 Utama called FYI and praise all Gods! On their display pane it said up to XXXL - I felt saving grace was close at hand ... all digits crossed.

We tried a couple of traditional blacks. Naah!

We tried a matt toga off shoulder type requiring a shawl and a little more cleavage . Naah!

We tried the blue grey version of this - aha we might have a winner here ... the lady insists I try this colour and after I put it on - yup we've got a winner here. So we bought it then and there and refused to think about were there better buys anywhere else.

I mean if you come in my figure 8 type body shape - you can forget off the rack type dresses being easy finds ... I was happy with my hole in the pocket ... I needed silver strappy heels now (which incidentally I never got around to getting so instead I settled for black strappy heels which I already had)

I had big ambitions for the night to make me hair all bouncy coiffured curls but as Lady Luck would have being co MC meant I had to bloody be there for rehearsals at 11am in the morning. GEDANGIT!!! another scrapped plan.

Thankfully, there was a delightful room on the 30th floor of the Hotel Imperial Kuala Lumpur to shower and doll myself up best I can. Again seeing as I am averse to cosmetic of any kind, my kit consist
ed of moisturiser, baby powder, some blusher which I doubled up as eye-shadow in triplicate layering ... and plain shiny lip gloss ... and a stroke or two of black mascara. I was done after blow drying my hair best I could and a bit of hair spray to TRY and keep it from fuzzing out ... and ta-daaa end result Me looking like any other day except I am in a glittery dress.

The rest of the girls in the room and at one point I think there must have been at least 10 or more dressing up. I picked my stuff up and headed to the ballroom for last minute preps. There was a make-up artist in the room doing her job for a fee but I opted out of it because like I said I am averse to goop on my face and I react badly to generically used goop - so plain me is happy me :))

The make up lady asked me if I wanted her services. Pennies aside, I said no thanks am happy as is. And she said in Malay that I had a lovely face shape and a little make up would highlight my pluses - now other than being plus sized, I think there are NO pluses present - I smiled a nervous smile and edged out the door fast as I could and I did realise that I had a flush of red in my cheeks - I was a tad embarrassed if that was a sincere compliment.

I had fun that evening despite several hiccups. My co MC Murad is an old colleague and we got on pretty well no 'primadonna' instances :)) and I did manage to hop around like a crazed cow on the dance floor for 15mins at the end of the night and YES my office mates now think I am absolutely insane.

That's Murad and me before the evening kicked off and that was a long evening of standing with bloody mikes in our faces and a strobe light blinding us. *sigh* the Perils of Glamour ehehehehehe

That was the Annual Dinner after I think 6 years and it could have been better but it was overall a fun and pleasant evening.

Was my first MC job ... can't tell if anyone was impressed with our effort but I had fun despite the aching feet and back. For a few short moments it felt like I was living my Radio DJ dream only I was the MC ...

Here's to more dinners, more 'glam type' assignments and here's to enjoying living life and being me ... that's what it's all about in the end isn't it - living this one life, and painting our canvas with memories ...

Happy Weekend ya'll ...

10 April 2008

Meeting My Mentor Apr 10, 2008

I finally met my Mentor~ji
(and until some later date I shall refer to him as Mentor~ji and probably get my backside kicked in at some point, but what the hell, I am allowed to be in awe and respect of this man)

Our relationship for the lack of a better word ...

[... but then again aren't all interactions some form of a relationship??? I think it is. Relationships come in varied flavours that tingle ones senses and imaginations. This too than is a relationship.]

And like most of my relationships (I can see the eyes widening and the interest to find a tinge of scandal perchance - you will be disappointed I warn you now!) began via one of those online networks that disguise themselves as serious business networks and almost instantly become the happy playground of social butterflies seeking one thing or the other under the guise of seeking business opportunities and networking.

I got to interact with Mentor~ji, because I pretend to write serious prose (can't really call mine poetry can you - especially when I refuse to be tied down to any formal style, rhyme or meter) and of late have taken to being thick skinned and posting it here and there like there was no tomorrow. The reason for this almost sadomasochist activity was, I have had people often tell me they liked my writing. So I wanted unknown, strangers to tell if they liked my writing - seeing as the bigger picture is me wanting to eventually write a book. What I call my Booker Prize autobiographical fiction. WTF??? is there even such a genre?

Anyhows, I ramble!

The point being Mentor~ji critiqued my work. I was like 'Oh? Oh!'

After the inevitable question and self answer monologues I tend to have with myself. I ventured to write to him. And he replied. That in itself was a good enough ego booster for me, fledging wannabe writer to have someone of such talent reply. I suppose you could say I was in eleventh heaven (is there such a thing??). He'd even re-written one of my poems for a sharper finer finish, cutting out unessential words to show me the message was still conveyed albeit with a finesse as opposed to my raw ramblings.

Aaaaa and so the master and his wannabe student began sporadic interactions via messages, then I got his phone number - I always like to put a voice to the person who is writing to me ... there's a sequence that captivates me.

Words to voice to image. In the mean time, through the written word I begin to build the image of the person as in their physical appearance and personality. The voice is a facet of interaction that totally always leaves me either in awe or bemused. The image in my mind then is altered until such time I actually see an image of the person.

Why does this interest me so much? Well simply because, I have come to learn the what the eye does not see to categorize or contextualize, the mind simply rushes about pulling bits and pieces of images and does a photo fit of the other person. I throughly enjoy this exercise in my mind, because I have learnt that many are often disappointed when they finally see the real me.

Apparently my voice melts men - hahahahaha now if only I could commercialize my voice then. I could melt men and make money - a perfect win-win for me. My words I dunno, it sometimes has strange effects on people - they either become barmy or suddenly a light bulb is lit and all things are fine again.

I love the voice of my Mentor~ji. It's deep and masculine. It goes hand in hand with what samples of his writings I have had the privilege to read and savour in my mind. The packaging this powerhouse comes in is rustic. I find it unpretentious. He's small built compact dynamo on the ever ready go! ... I'd like half of his energy and confidence. But then that's why he is Mentor~ji and I am just dreaming me.

His visit here was something when he told me would take place immediately shot my excitement levels up. (oh for pete's sake get that brain out of the gutter not THAT kind of excite!!) - I so so wanted to meet him and talk to him in person and listen to him. His energy is infectious. And I most certainly welcome such energy into my life. I am too 'dead' in spirit, I need a resurrecting boost.

I wrung my hands in anxiety whilst waiting to meet him at arrival. His flight was some 20mins delayed. I worried I might not recognise my Mentor~ji and that be terrible start. All my fretting came to naught. The moment I saw him walking past the glass panels, I recognised him. I think some people are just distinct.

Speaking the next evening, albeit a tad nervous , I found how at ease I was in his company and to me that's a milestone. Few people give me such a vibe so instantly.

Mentor~ji is busy busy with chasing up on the reason he is here. And he keeps in contact when time permits. I am just soaking up the energy ... the enthusiasm ... I am excited at the possibilities that are ahead. I am eager that his venture kicks off soon. I want to be a part of some history in the making ... I want to extend this adrenalin rush I keep feeling in my blood - I have not felt this way about anything in a long time. And just the idea of his project being executed here has made me sit up and think. And I can see the images in my mind as the project enfolds to me.

Am I gushing like some teenage crush? ahahha perhaps! This is not a crush, this is about pure admiration unadulterated for someone who inspires me to try harder at what I dabble in. Someone my guts says would be proud if I made my dreams realities. If I were to by some unexplainable circumstance surpass my Mentor~ji, again he would happy for me. I dunno. This is the feeling I get when I speak with him.

Again I am thankful. God has blessed me. The misadventures of the past remain lessons I cannot ignore. But my future is looking brighter. Like messengers from God, I have met new people who encourage my growth in positive and and affirmative steps ... baby steps yes .. .but steps nonetheless.

I have another week of Mentor~ji's presence here and in those few hours I managed to hijack from my desk bound slavery, the conversations I have had, have and continue to have give hope and reassurance that the chains that hold me back will soon be something of the past.

My heart, my mind, my soul is longing to take flight. And the time has come for me to be caught in the sudden upwind, spread my wings and fly ...

p/s: My stable of God's messengers is growing ... and if I have not thanked you for your belief in me, I do so now.

7 April 2008

God's Invisible Hand Apr 7, 2008

I went on Saturday to service my car as it was due. Also I had a long day of driving on Sunday with family in the car. I blew 500 bucks changing bits and pieces that were totally out of lifespan. And drove home after an exhausting Saturday.

On Sunday morning as I started on my journey at 6:45am, as I put my Charles into reverse, I said a little prayer to the Good Lord asking that He keep me and my passengers safe in the long drive ahead. Although freshly serviced, I still felt Charles was not at optimum performance and I couldn't place what it was. So asking God to keep watch over us, I put my faith in Charles to get us where we were heading to first and all through the journey.

On the way up, I discovered that everytime I braked, I heard a long whistling like sound ... soft at first but grew persistent over day. I'd just spent 150 on new brake pads, so I was a little perturbed. I looked at my sister beside me - she was asleep. Mom and Ping were also asleep ... so I keep at a constant speed, minimising braking as much as I could given Malaysian roads and drivers.

I noted if I hit anything about 120km/h, Charles started to shake like crazy. I also noted that the front part of the car seemed to pull left and the back part of the car despite best efforts kept pulling to the right - it seemed like my alignment was still a problem despite having looked into that as well on Saturday.

Radio was on, I tried to keep from thinking of terrible things happening to us on the road. We got where we were heading to parked attended to what was required. Walking back to the car ironically the straps on both strappy heels that I wore snapped in exactly the same place - I just took it calmly - luckily I had spare shoes in the car for another function later.

We start back driving. By this time everyone made aware that Charles is not well. He has some problem either with the tyres or the brake. I can't tell. And it starts to rain on the highway. Some 280kms of driving ahead in rain and wet roads with Charles under the weather. I silently said "God, get us home safe Lord. I trust in your hands".

I did have to make one stop, when the sound was so loud and the rattling so bad I thought I'd gotten a flat - walking around checking the car showed no flat and nothing looked out of place. So we start driving again.

We got to an uncle's place where we were going to change for the wedding of a childhood friend. I went into shower, turned on the faucet and next thing I knew faucet was in my hand and water was spraying like crazy everywhere - needless to say a body wash became drenched me. **SIGH**

Managed to get that sorted out. Showered, rushed about dressing, drying my hair and getting everyone to church on time. The wedding was beautiful. And then the heavens opened up and it rained so hard on everyone - I got drenched again in Showers of Blessing *grin* ... I just looked up heavenward and shook my head - God does have an odd sense of humour.

Mom, sis and me got home alright. But we decided that for Monday I would take mom's car to work and she would take mine into the mechanics in the afternoon.

I've had about 4 calls from the mechanic in the course of the afternoon. He's changed the brake pads again FOC. Checked the alignment. Checked the funny squeaky sounds when I turn feels like my steering wheel might come out into my hand. Checked why when I brake there's a whistling sound and why the car pulls to the right and left ...

And then he tells me, that my brake pump for the rear left is busted. And he's going to have to change that as well. Aha!! No wonder when I braked, the tyres seemed to be doing their own thing and when I accelerate the rear left tyre seems to not be moving like the rest ... I guess if you spend as much time in Charles as I do, you begin to sense even the tiniest of performance differences.

The mechanic tells me I am lucky nothing happened to us on the road yesterday. I say indeed so. He is feeling guilty that he didn't do a perfect job for me and is going over the car with a fine tooth comb. Charles is left in the workshop tonight. Mom's car is going to be with me again tomorrow. Kids might have to skip school due to no transportation to pick them up. Hope Charles is all better when he comes out.

Mechanic even drives mom home since she has not car to get home now. I put the phone down. I look outside my window after the rain has stopped. The sun is out again awaiting sunset ... and I think to myself, the hand of God invisible to the naked human eye was most certainly guiding Charles home to safety.

Even when I tempted faith an pushed down on the accelerator up to 160km/h, God kept me and my loved ones safe as we hurtled home in a cold rainy evening. God is Good and Great. He reminds me that even in my lowest of times, He remains my strength and my courage.

Things and times might be bad, but I am glad I am alive. Painting my canvas the best I can.

How about you??

3 April 2008

Obituary - Rajh Apr 2, 2008

In the last couple of weeks all I have heard about is people dropping dead all of a sudden out of the blue. Literally! Like flies ... one moment they are there alive, hale healthy talking about their tomorrows, the next you get a call saying they are no more.

Last year in July I, on the day that an unexpected crisis was unfolding within my family context, I found out my listening post friend Pak Long had passed away 2 weeks earlier. I cried all day for a man I had never met in person.

Yesterday evening, before I dashed out in the rain to go grab something from the nearby mall as well as squeeze in a dress search, I was packing up when I decided to check on my prepaid number what my credit was - planned to make a call to a friend in India. Switched on the phone with the sim and waited for it to come on there was a SMS alert. Usually it's just the provider telling me some new rates ...

But I checked it out anyways. I saw oh message from Rajh. How odd he usually texts me on my other mobile. I wondered what was up. I thought it was an April Fool joke when I first read the message and I went to check the date of the text - it came in yesterday evening. I knew it was no joke and my heart stopped in the silence of grief for a friend who has passed on.

Unlike Pak Long, I have actually had lunch with Rajh one afternoon back in 2006 in Bangsar Chillis. We sat talking and joking around. I knew someone he'd dated once long time ago and I was teasing him about that.

Rajh anna and me connected via Yahoo Messenger - ahaaa the bane of my existence. My anti social antidote - online friends ... We connected after a few nonsense posts from him - he was being a typical guy surfing the chats. But somehow after a few shots from me, we started talking sensible and that remained all through our knowing each other.

He was a guy with a sense of humour. A great love for life and living and someone you could talk candidly about life and the passage of time and what lessons were learnt. Being in no better shape than myself as far as knocks and misadventures, he was like a big brother friend who I could call randomly out of the blue too and chat hello hello how things type and it could progress to serious topics.

We spoke last I think sometime January this year. Rajh had finally gotten married last year and he was already in his mid-40s. That was something he'd wanted. To settle down and have a family and enjoy his remaining years. I could not make it for the wedding due to work constraints and he'd always give me a hard time about not coming.

In our last conversation, I'd asked him how he was and that we should meet up again along with wifey - I should meet his wife since she was my brother's wife and we said yeah yeah let's get together soon. Over the weekend as I was clearing friend lists on the various sites/chats I'm on - I saw Rajh name on my friendster account and I thought aaaa I must call him up for tea one of these days - been a while since I had a good laugh. And Monday cam with its deluge of work and I postponed making that call. Soon soon I would I told myself.

Well, soon has turned to never now. I called his number after reading the text and his brother answered the phone. Rajh had been admitted in ICU on the 31st of March and he had suffered a stroke ( I take it was a cardiac arrest) and he passed away in the morning of the 2nd of April. His brother was letting all his mobile contacts know of Rajh demise and funeral details.

I would have liked to send Rajh off today but sometimes when we live in this world, commitments tie us down from taking the time out to smell the roses, coffee as well as the stench in the air. I cannot be there this afternoon when family and friends send Rajh off to his final resting place. I am in black today for I mourn at the loss of a friend. I am sure Rajh will as always have a joke and a smile for me and I would like to remember him that way.

I make no excuses for having not made the extra effort to meet up but I realise that in the times we live in now, we should make every effort to tell the ones who mean something to us that we love them and we care for them and that they mean what they mean to us.

Because like Pak Long, I did not know that Rajh was not going to be around today or in my tomorrows. His time was up. His number got called and he's gone leaving us all in shock and sorrow. I can only imagine how his family must be feeling and his wife as well. Their sense of grief and loss, I cannot fathom but I guess God needed a quirky humoured Event Manager up there seeing as this world is so freaking screwed up.

Rajh anna, for the wonderful memory of the laughs, jokes, advice and friendship although it was only slightly over 2 years .. but indeed they are memories I will treasure. I am sure your friends all miss you as much as I do.

I hate goodbyes. I hate farewells.

I say to you "till we meet again" especially since you still owe me a mega Retro party with you spinning the music with your DJ pals from the 70s and 80s ... that afternoon lunch I met so many of the big names from the disco heydays ... I cannot thank you enough for sharing with me what made Rajh tick :))

If I make it to where you are, we'll be partying Rajh anna - that I am sure of. So till then *kiss kiss* *hug hug* YOU ROCK RAJH and keep on ROCKING!!! You are missed by all who have had the privilege of knowing you.

God Bless and Rest In Peace! Starman196433 ... see you when I get there!

2 April 2008

Questionista ... Apr 2, 2008

If I were a super heroine my name would be Questionista :))

Why? You ask me WHY????

Have you never spoken to me? Have you not heard how in any conversation, I tend to answer a question put forth to me with another question in return? Take a moment to think, especially if you have in the past, current and perhaps in future interacted with me ... I am sure it will be like a blast of blinding light searing your brain ... indeed ani is the ultimate Questionista :)) ok ok so I took questions and nista and joined them together ... sounded logical .. I ain't no fashionista but questions ahahah I have innumerable.

My most infamous monosyllable is Why? Closely followed by Is that so? Next is the incredulous sounding Reeeeeely?? (the word here is Really just in case you think my England is no longer powderful!)

Ok back to me being a super heroine ... my one awesome power would be to roll off a gezillion questions faster than you can say blink, in such rapid fire that any nemesis would immediately be cursed with the dreaded brain freeze hence allowing the good justice team to take them into custody ... whilst their brains thaw out slowly forever remembering how Questionista proved they were just hyped up steroid pumped wannabes ... true heroes have brains :))

I'd have to lose like half my current body weight first before a half decent Lycra infused super hero outfit would look even remotely like an outfit and not an overstuffed sack of potatoes .. Like all super heroes I'd have to have symbol ... a logo ... something that defined me.

Now it seems I am bordering on copyright here ... isn't bad guy Riddler the one with '?????' all over his outfit?? Dang it ... so it looks like although the '?' is the favoured logo, I would have to 3-D it with some other enhancements ... what do you suggest??

Iridescent '?' on my calf?? back?? left arm?? I like uncomplicated things and the idea of something so important being kinda second placed because my Lycra infused suit also kinda would then be emphasising on some errrr 'assets' - sheez ... no wonder WonderWoman and Cat Woman and the rest of the heroine/villainous ladies never have logos .... their outfits leave no such need ...

Ok now you might ask ... why this totally whacky idea??? ahahahha well it was mooted from a conversation with a friend I shall now refer to as Sunshine Boy for anonymity sake ya. Sunshine Boy was super effervescent in one of his emails to me and I asked him why he was so happy and he came back with "does everything have to have a reason?"

Well Sunshine Boy and I are quite recent friends. Somewhat kindred spirits in the the passage of our lives. But that aside, he has not quite had the .ani in full throttle ... always questioning, asking wanting to know ... and I replied to him that did he not know I was Question Girl ... decided that girl was a tad bit juvenile and auntie was too old ... hence the upbeat Questionista :)) and that my super power was disabling enemies with a million questions ... hahahahaahha

His question as to does everything have to have a reason was interesting ... and bordering on some train of thought I have been having lately ... especially post a conversation yesterday morning (I was in one bummer mood) and Sam the ever positive rang for a hello how you doing and unfortunately I was not able to in time pull my mask of effervescent self and a bit much of my exhausted bile ridden angst spilled out. I sensed Sam the ever positive got a tad bit ticked off with all my negativity - I don't blame him actually haahha I am Miss Negative Maximo - especially when I am tired.

I wanted to write about that yesterday but got involved in some work which disturbed my thinking and hence no blog ... but as an off-shoot from this, likely I will write about post conversation with Sam what transpired in my mind. But that's another story for another day ...

Questionista has more compelling problem now ... I apparently need to acquire a half decent 'red carpet' type dress for my annual dinner in 10 days time - ahhahahahahahha where is that Lycra infused suit now!!! DAMNIT!!! I have to find something that will ultimately convincingly hide the losing battle to the bulge I am currently experiencing .... *sigh*

Till next time, I have a duty that calls - which is to incessantly ask reed thin sales girls do you have it in 50 sizes larger please so that it'll fit more than my ankle! ... GAWD! ...

*ehehehhehe* ... if and when I find that illusive dress, I shall share the 'victory' with you ....

Till then ... happy evening everyone ... it's just pissed down hard where I am and I am thinking that delays my mall amazing race to find the dress that fits ....