Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

23 November 2008

Kops Gunners Blues Red Devils ... Nov 22, 2008

There was some noise coming from a very muhibbah looking group down at Sri Bala's in Kelana Jaya on the evening of the 22nd. From Batu Gajah, from Seremban, from in and around PJ and KL and surrounding areas ... it was a gathering of friends.

It had to be one of those things that transcends all the differences that which makes the whole concept of friendship and camaraderie so special.

We had footie fans from all clubs and conversation moved and swayed and sashayed between metal music, footie, food, hackers, tattoos, slithery snakes as pets, wild boar, holidays it was an interesting mix and fusion of people.

Am sure the next time it'll be even noisier and people come together for an evening of fun ... to the folks at Sri Bala's on Saturday evening, I'd like to think my circle of friends has expanded.

Cheers and a super week ahead to the Kops, Gunners, Blues and Red Devils ooops I forget wasn't there a Spurs fan too :) ... aaaah ... there are pictures albeit blurry but the people who should know have the link : ) - was a pleasure meeting all of you ...

Arsenal fans - OUCH!!!! the rest of us pulled in the same scores **eheheh**

17 November 2008

RIP Zoe ... Nov 17, 2008

I found this link whilst googling myself seeing as there seems to be an increase of people arriving on me blog via googling for me in various combinations and from some seriously strange places seeing as I know nobody from there ... oh well perhaps I'm popular ahahha for whatever reason.

This was post I did after my dog Zoe got slashed. Zoe went on to recover from that horrible act of cruelty but some 4 months later, she was poisoned.

When I saw this it brought back memories of Zoe ... and she was about 13 when she finally breathe her last. To those sick bastards who tortured my dog, I hope your vitals are rotting and dropping off slow and painfully ...

There's some gruesome pictures, not for the faint-hearted ... but I am touched so many people wrote back in support. RIP Zoe, you gave us the best years of your life and you kept us always safe and protected! We miss you still ... (the link)

Reactions .... Nov 17, 2008

Last night as I lay in bed waiting for sleep to come and for my nail polish to dry, I send out a text to a few randomly picked names on my mobile with whom I've not been in contact with regularly of late ... (but then of late I am hardly in contact with most people, a bit of a time out perhaps)

The text read:
Just a quick thank you for colouring the canvas of my life with the hue of rainbows. God bless and keep you safe and loved my dear friend.

After I'd sent the message, I settled in with a feeling of contentment (not something I usually end my day with) because I felt extremely blessed by having all these people in my life. Some are old friends from the days of yore, and some more recent friends who have come to touch my life immensely by their presence in it.

But the replies or rather responses I got have me giggling way into the night. I noted that all the women who received the message sent me hugs and love and in a nutshell brought me up to date about their current goings on. A random sample would be like this
1. Back at you babe, am off to xxxxx no Malaysia this year, lotsa love
2. Thanks sweetie, always wishing you the best of everything.
3. When are we seeing each other again?

What cracked me up was the responses from the guys. I am not sure what to think seeing as most of them sounded alarmed and here is a random sample
1. What's this all about?
2. What did I do now?
3. Why suddenly are you alright?
4. What happened? You OK?

And guys say we girls are a suspicious lot. My phone kept buzzing till about 2am with these replies and I laughed myself to sleep. I cannot imagine why the males all came back with such horror filled sounding replies. I hope you boys don't think I was like on my last gasps of breath ya .... am still here to torment you - bummer eh??

But my wicked impish sense of humour aside, I was touched. Because from the responses of both scales of the gender scale it showed my friends love me. That was what mattered that people cared.

And this is always inspiration to me to continue forging forward despite the many setbacks that come my way because I know with such well wishes, the line to the big G in the sky is definitely carrying prayers for me and my well-being.

Sending out big warm hugs to all of you ... and those who know me, know I love giving and receiving hugs ... it just picks up a mundane day and perks it up right proper ...

Have a super Monday wherever you are! .ani loves ya ...

15 November 2008

When Water Overflows ... Nov 15, 2008

This is a joke between one divorced male friend and me. This is the strange terminology he has for his apparent celibacy ... not from the lack of potential suitors, but by choice.

Strange no doubt - a guy in this day and age choosing (rather like pulling toenails out with pliers kinda joy) celibacy of the most celebrated 'playing the field' rational that everyone seems to subscribe to (going by the He Said She Said segment on mix.fm some days ago). This buddy of mine, from my observation is a really nice chap. He's got a sense of humour, he's responsible and he'd go out on a limb for those who have a place in his heart ... a gem if you ask me, for the lucky female who does win his heart. (she'd have to be a pretty special lady herself and that's the tough bit me thinks)

The first time he'd said this wonderful analogy to his lack thereof sexlife, it stumped me for a bit, but when I got it, I was cracked up laughing ... so I take me digs at him now whenever possible ahahahah *evil me*

And then there was this odd desire to find something as suitably ridiculous as well as funny ... and while in the shower this morning I found the gem of a retort (or so I like to think) to that which also suitably describes my state of celibacy by circumstance ... My Well Is Dry ... ahahahhaahahahhaahahahhaahahahha

This sounds like a pretty funny self help type book title doesn't it??? His Water Overflows, Her Well Is Dry .(@ copyrighted ok!!! or I'll sue the pants off the one who plagarises this title!!!!) .. ahahahahah better than a Men are from Mars Women are from Venus .... me has to talk to this buddy of mine ... I think we have something here that might rake in the moolah!

What I have come to realise over the last years especially being 'technically single' as most people label me ... is that sex life and lack thereof is an immensely comical subject matter. And those of us who have it and those of us who don't can come up with really side cracking instances and anecdotes ... that really should be shared even in anonimity ... (some like others to think they have Richter scales busting sex lives when really stone colder than dead frozen is how their 'water level' is ....ehehehhe)

And this to me is funny. Why most people seem to think that celibacy by choice is such an insane option to undertake. Conquests merely for the number of bedpost notches and scratches is more sought after than connecting with the right person and then letting nature take its course. Anyways, if anything, I've learnt to let others pursue what appeals to them.

It may not appeal to me but that's just me. I'm looking for something else. I don't deny that the company of the opposite sex is missed, but I've always subscribed that sex itself is part of an expression of something more deeper and more meaningful. And yes no wonder I remain 'technically single' ahahahha ... people think I'm weird! I don't really give a toss anyways :) ... my life to live.

So next time my buddy says he's suffering from water overflow, I've got my clever reply ahahahahah ... although whether he understand what I mean is entirely a different story.

But I have to say, the openness of such friendships always leaves me smiling. I might not have everything I thought I needed to be happy, but I've been blessed with the best mixture of friends ever - they never cease to put joy into my heart.

For all whom I call friend, .ani just wants to say I love you all for the joy you bring to my life.


14 November 2008

When Fathers Aren't Responsible ... Nov 14, 2008

This morning one of the headlines in TheStar was Two Single Moms Turn to Prostitution To Feed Kids. The point that caught my attention was not so much as the irresponsible ex-husbands were not paying maintenance and thus having pushed their cash strapped ex-wives to such desperation.

The point I caught was that in this desperation these 2 women went into the use first pay in installment mode for services rendered. I mean ... WTF is this. The assholes who screw these women have to pay in installments? What is this world coming to????

And those ex-husbands so easy to load up the woman when 'syiok' time eh? Then after that what????? You have no conscience or responsibility towards your children? You can degrade and humiliate the mother of your children into making her in her desperation to turn to the oldest profession to put food on her children's plate and further humiliation is to have to keep an "I Owe You" book on clients???

GAWD!!!!!! Am not even going to go ballistic on one such irresponsible father I know ... wasted breathe!

But looking at how my life is progressing ... I am afraid if I should lose my job that barely provides what the heck am I going to be doing. I mean I have enough pride in me not to succumb to the oldest profession - plus reality is there won't be any takers haahhahaha so set that ridiculous notion aside.

What will ani do??? The possibility of losing my job is as real as it is to wake up every morning and find yourself still alive - you know what I mean?

Am racking my brain to find some idea to make me some steady income. Some suggestions from friends and the 2 highest in the list were
1. write a book
2. use my photos to make money

hmmmmmm one other suggestion which me thinks is feasible is to set up a little import/export type business of marketable items via my contacts globally - am studying this a little more.

The thing that scares me is I have no savings to fall back on and no capital to kick start my ideas. There's a few brewing in me head.

I realise am tired of being a paycheque slave. There's no more joy in working working working just to end up paying paying paying. Lately have been speaking with many entrepreneurially inclined friends ... and there's opportunities abound ... just need to find the right one for me and make the devil may care plunge.

Aiya!!!! Damn slack ... more thinking .ani has to do. And the fact that me back and knees and neck are all in serious degenerative state - who knows when I might lose mobility - then am surely and truely fucked! .... so I got to make me stash for the girls futures while I can still move.

Even if you're just passing through on my blog, if you have any idea, drop me a note/a comment ... am welcoming ideas but nothing illegal please!!!

Because .ani is one of the millions of women worldwide who married an irresponsible man and a totally irresponsible father to his daughters. He can be model son, husband to his mistress, father to his son - but he still ain't being responsible to his 2 earlier born children.

Lucky for him, I AM their mother - I don't keel over and wait to die. Although things are looking shaky in my financial future, I'm already thinking how to recover from this setback. Hit me with good ideas folks ... ani has to get this ship on course ... 2 very special blessings deserve that and much more.

Happy weekend all ....

7 November 2008

RPK Freed ... Nov 07, 2008

That's pretty good news to end the week on don't you think?

RPK's Habeas Corpus was successful. The judge ruled that the Home Minister had acted outside his jurisdiction when he issued the two-year detention order under Section 8(1) of the ISA. ehehehehhe OBB ... another smack on your shiny head ...

I don't always agree with what RPK writes or how he writes but it's interesting to read a different perspective and coming from one of theirs it's rather intriguing.

I wonder if the HINDRAF boys will be lucky too but now that they are outlawed, hmmmm we wait and see.

But am sure RPK, his family and supporters and all of us who believe in more freedom of speech in this country are relieved. Am sure the man will be back at his writing in no time, and here's wishing you good health and no more ISA.

It's the weekend ... what's around the corner?

6 November 2008

I Could Be PM ... Nov 06, 2008

If you read this morning's headline oh ok maybe it wasn't the headline but a byline somewhere (I forget now) you would have read this incredulously mind boggling statement by Sleepy Eyes the PM everyone is pointing the exit door to but he just refuses to leave.

Anyone can be PM - says Pak Lah ... and then you read the rest of the report.

quote " It is possible for anyone from a minority group to be a nation’s leader, even in Malaysia, says Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Badawi.

“It is up to the people to decide, just as the Americans had done through the democratic process,” he said while extending his congratulations to Senator Barack Obama."unquote


Does this now mean that I too can be Prime Minister of this country? or what Sleepy Eyes saying is that even if you are a 'Minority' within UMNO then you can still aspire to be Prime Minister.

I'm confused.

Didn't we just have some big hulabaloo about some minority group questioning the sole rights of the Malays as the PM incumbent hence other races were like dogs scavenging for crumbs if there was any to scavenge.

Have we not got politicians forever pulling out the race card and shoving 'Ketuanan Melayu' down our throats any given chance?

Didn't we wake up one morning recently to find racist pigs like Khir Toyo suddenly looking like a favourite to take on the UMNO Youth??? Can you imagine the generation of racist pigs we will then have to deal with.

I am stumped. And I think everyone else who read this in the morning was left stumped. I was looking up the Malaysian Constitution and come away a little more confused ...

Article 43 clause 7 reads (7) Notwithstanding anything in this Article, a person who is a citizen by naturalization or by registration under Article 17 shall not be appointed Prime Minister.

Now I went up to have a look at Article 17 - all it had was Repealed. And I looked at the footnotes to try to understand what Article 17 might have been and your guess is as good as mine nothing ... hmmmm ok so am not a fervent analyst of the constitution and usually end up just listening to the 'learned informed' crowd's arguements but anyone know if this Article 17 is what keeping us minority fookers from becoming PM?

Anyways my vote for PM is still my quad-bellied (self confessed) sweetheart buddy Kerp! I'm better off using my whip on some other Ministries to ensure the betterment of Women and Children's Rights - and me thinks with Kerp as PM, I'd get that portfolio in a blink :)) - he won't fight with akka for sure heehhehe.

So Mr. Prime Minister aka Sleepy Eyes, please read the writings on the wall and before you make anymore musang berlalu (faux paus la seeing as most M'sians say it as 'fox pass') embarrassing moments, the door is very clearly on your left ... do exit stage as soon as possible. Or else you're going to stir the shit so hard it's going to hit the fan and knock your replacement off his precarious chair in waiting ...

Minority groups can be PM too indeed - go tell this joke to some uneducated fool, the rest of us have taken enough of your 'sandiwara'.

Change is inevitable - I agree - It begins with you taking a long pre-retirement sabbatical. Let your designate swim the in the quicksand before he drowns in all the shit as well - people want change and people will have it ... eventually.

5 November 2008

Meeting Kerpie ... Nov 05, 2008

Kerpie is my wheelchair buddy newly acquired via interaction on an aging gout suffering metal meister with a pot belly .... (AD needs no other introduction me thinks!) blogger's page. Kerpie is a blogger himself. You can find the links here on me page (a little searching please)

And these online arguements and insult trading and opinion voicing sees a very lively interesting exchange of ideas. I like the crowd although having to put up with Kopites being nasty about me favourite footie team in the world is sometimes well stretching!

Thankfully footie was not the focus of today's meeting. And more so Kerpie is an Arsenal fan not Kopite so I needn't have to endure attacks hehehhe which I somehow forsee happening on the evening of the 22nd.

I had the most wonderfully 'slip on favourite slipper' moment with Kerpie. He's a really cool chap and on his 2 wheeled yellow 'Lamborghini' we met in the Curve. I have to say one the best compliments is someone telling you on their first meeting that they feel really comfortable speaking with you. And well Kerpie, I absolutely think you're a darling hehehe and sorry I scared the hell outta you with some of the stuff we talked about today heheeheh man I swear a lot more than you do for sure or where you just being polite in front of akka?

All said, I enjoyed this first time meeting of many and look forward to catching up some more. Can't tell you all that we spoke about, we'd have to kill you then - haahahhahahaha it was all top secret hush hush this and that ... but me thinks me just made a friend for life here ...

Big hugs Kerpie! Akka loves ya!!

Mr. President .... Nov 05, 2008

A new dawn in many ways has come upon America today. The first ever black President in American history.

The the people of America, you spoke through your votes, and change is upon you - Congratulations and Mr. President Obama, let the hopes of your people who have spoken via their votes take flight!

Peace and Economic stability for all.

4 November 2008

Opps Extra Passenger What Do We Do??? ... Nov 04, 2008

I really have to ask here - who the fook comes up with these ideas because doesn't anyone in the fooked up Government that we have ever think things through before they make a big wasted hulabaloo about something only to as the time gets closer to implementation realise ALAMAK!!! we've got some people in this country whose only passtime is increasing the population.

I mean the minimum number they aspire to bring forth is 5 and the last I checked sedans comfortably seat with rear seat belts ONLY 3. Seeing that most of these amazing children creating machines do not stop at 3 or even 5 but go on with at least an average of 2 spouses and 5 or more kids and the average virile male here can usually at best afford a Kancil, Kelisa or worse still ugly Rusa - you can bloody well bet your bottom dollar that aside from blaming the Almighty of mishaps along the way, they are soon going to be expecting the government to subsidise the purchase of their mini-buses and also cover the costs of installing seat-belts as an added bonus.

Can you then imagine the chaos on Malaysia roads??? Come festive season gone will be the days of the 10 mangled bodies from the ant sized Kancil but we can go ahead and kill the whole family in these family mini-buses!

ARRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I've fooking spent a great deal of time reminding people, lecturing people on the simple responsibility they have in buckling up and ensuring that their passengers are also duly buckled up i.e if you own a sedan that's about 5, if you own one of those SUV/MPV/APV whatever else V there is in the market at most its anything between 6/7/8 who can be safely buckled up.

Now when I say buckled up, we also mean all those babies and toddlers too. They should be in their baby or booster seats safely buckled up - not freaking bouncing off the interior of your vehicle as you hurtle along at suicidal speeds zid-zagging between lanes.

Come on people is it so fooking hard to just be safety conscious??? I mean half the people I see on the roads even the front sear passenger leave alone the driver are NEVER buckled up. If they know there's a JPJ/Police roadblock ahead every snaps on the belt to avoid a summons but otherwise apparently safety is the last thing on their minds.

Since prior to Eid, all radio stations have been reminding reminding reminding for back seat passengers to buckle up.

A recent survey showed that although 80% of Malaysians were aware of the Buckle Up Behind drive, only 60% intended to do so AFTER the ruling comes into full effect 1st January 2009. The other 20% I assume could care two hoots about buckling up at all. 20% of Malaysians were UNAWARE there was even such a move.

Because I am a confessed speed fiend - who religiously pays my summons if I get them, some people think my asking them to Buckle Up is hypocrasy ... well, I keep telling them, I speed in access of 140km/hour on roads that are in favourable conditions and usually devoid of traffic. When I hit all the typically bumper-to-bumper crawls, I become an extremely defensive driver using all my mirrors and my indicators so as to avoid the maniacs who seem to think doing 140km/hour when people are 1" from the car in front of them is apparently great show of their driving skills - which inevitably leads to lane changes with no indicators, driving between lanes even if they own one of those monster type vehicles under some delusion that they are Kancils.

So yes my speed addiction is no excuse. I admit so, but I'm belted up, I'm alert, and I sure as hell have better anticipation of the other morons on the road and that's probably why I am highly stressed. I have to cover the 200kms distance in half the time people who live next door to the office and still appear late, whilst I've managed to clocking 30mins at the least sipping my office brewed coffee. Because despite the distance I have to cover, HR finds it amusing to ask me why I tag in late. To avoid such nit-picking, I make it a point to be in before 8:30am - and so I speed on the empty freeways.

I have gotten me kids to buckle up. And if they refuse to or don't, I clearly tell them that I will pull over and they can get down and walk. A rule is a rule they have to follow - that is probably why no one wants to get into my car anymore - no one wants to have to buckle up heehehhe - imagine .ani with the school mam look and cane in hand!

So coming back to the point that has irked me. I read in the papers, that the authorities have not decided how to address the extra un-belted passenger in the back. LIKE HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO how do the other countries address that??? There is NO extra passenger allowed!!!!

Simple. If you got more than 5 people, take the damn public transport or put in your application for that specially subsidised mini-bus for your family. (No it's not out just yet but I am SURE it's part of the next budget and NEP revision)

I remember visiting my friend and her family in Sydney some 2 years ago. My daughter and me, and the 3 of them, if we ever wanted to go out, we took the bus or we ordered a mini-van cab which all of us were belted up in. There was none of the Malaysian nevermind squeeze squeeze. People take these simple life saving rules very seriously.

Yes of course if you ram into the back of a trailer or lamppost or divider at 160km/hour - the seat belt is not really going to help save too much of the driver's life, but it could considerably save the lives of the backseat passengers. If that's a choice you cannot make, then well we can keep on blaming the Almighty and fate when really the lives of your loved ones is really in a simple rule - buckle up both front and rear.

I cannot stand to read the deaths of children because of such unthinking stupidity of the adults in the vehicles.

Start now, it's a simple exercise, and it goes a long way in a time of emergency. Think about it. My kids are safer now than if they weren't buckled up. And I'd take that anytime that having to think what if I slam on my brakes now will they go flying - I drive with one less stress now knowing they are safe in the backseat.

January 1, 2009 ... please start now not wait till then and dice with tragedy.

Geoff Byrd ... hmmm Nice ... Nov 04, 2008

Thanks to facebook and iLike I chanced upon Geoff Byrd and not only is he cute, I like how he sounds and his songs are really pretty good. It's not death metal type yeah so I know some friends who might break into hives listening to Geoff's music.

If you would like to get a sampling of this songs (since I cannot upload the free MP3's that I have) please visit this link for Geoff Byrd's Songs.

Come back and tell me what you think of his songs ... my favourites are Elusive Butterfly, Frozen and Before Kings :)

Enjoy ...

p/s: I wrote to his email address expressing how much I like his music and within an hour I got a reply that looked fairly personally replied - not one of those standard "thank you blah blah" type you usually get from celebrity sites. Talk about fan management with a personal touch!

So me think Geoff Byrd rawks!!! he's got a fan in me ... all the way from Malaysia (hope the boy knows where that is on the map ... not like we're famous for too many things except for 'sandiwara' theatrical government!! hahaha)

1 November 2008

Kindness Begets Kindness .. Nov 01, 2008

I think it's one of the most simple teachings that people should incorporate into their day to day activities. Me thinks the rewards intangible as they often are, remain far more satisfying then gold bullions by the truck loads. (ok ok I mean if I had one truck load of gold bullions, I know I'd be a happy puppy)

But kindness like common sense which we have long since agreed is not so common. In the dog eat dog world we live in, plussed with the number of scammers and tricksters we come into contact with at every level somewhat leaves us all poofed out of kindness.

I mean when you're having lunch or dinner on any given day at some open air type food courts or kopi tiams, are you not suddenly overcast with a shadow and you look up from your food to have someone stuff some papers in your face asking for a donation of some kind.

You have famished looking folks ringing your doorbell asking for water, asking for food - sometimes you give them what they want they go on, sometimes you give them what they want, they end up taking your stuff and hurting your family. The world has gone all nutty.

I know often when beseiged by people asking for money for one thing or the other, I tend to shake my head with a firm no and ignore them hence forth ... have had a few of those who stuff things in your hand and ask for money and say if you give it back bad luck will befall you ... and trust me I am not sure what transpired in those moments, come away to find my wallet is somewhat relieved of my hard earned cash ... so it's a no no these days.

But having said that, sometimes the sight of the elderly tottering around and rummaging in garbage picking things up really tears at me heart. I wonder where they come from, I wonder where their children are and how can they be left like this alone to fend for themselves. And I think what if this was my mom or dad or grandma ... oh hell what if this was me in 30 years time.

I mean I am sure I am raising Ashna and Kasha with good values (although self first is something I am battling with over and over again but they are still kids in a learning curve, I know some adults who have never outgrown the 'me first' syndrome) and even if they cannot be with me, they will make sure I am comfortable with decent meals a day - at least I think they'd do that much for mommy (fingers crossed)

On a few occasions even when I was a student running for the bus in the infamous Puduraya and anyone using that bus-station would know how the beggars line the bridge you use to get into the station. There used to be a mother back then with some 2 toddlers and one baby in her arm begging. Foreigners for sure. Perhaps part of some syndicate. There were times I'd buy baby formula for her baby. Or give some clothes for the kids but never money. She would be hard pressed to accept the goods - perhaps whoever was in charge of her collections might suspect her of having siphoned some off for these buys that she'd refuse and insist on money ... mind you if I were to have given any money I think it would have been like a ringgit at max, but she'd refuse infant formula strange woman ... in the end I'd just put it beside her and walk away ... it was up to her what she did with it.

There are a few other homeless people I see around the usual places I go to, usually drunk to the max and wobbling along the street and they'd ask me for money. I just refuse most times because I know they will use it for either another round of cheap liquor or fix. But if they ever opened their mouth and said they wanted money for food, if not in too much of a rush, I'd go buy some food and give it to them. Giving money in such circumstances is like inviting the Devil to tea - you know what I mean?

Well this morning, I had another one of those moments. I was driving Ashna to her music class and as we turned into the side lane, I notice the parking next to her class was empty. So I parked and then I looked up and in front of me was an old Chinese lady holding a rattan walker type thing and she was mumbling. At first I thought oh oh I parked in front of a crazy lady ... gedangit! don't need her to hit me car or anything.

I had to top the parking meter up and so while I was putting the coins in, I caught snippets of her mumbling. She was asking me for a ringgit to get some food. So I turned around and asked her "auntie mau makan ka?" And she went on telling me about the stingy man she worked for who refuses to give her a job now when she needs it more growing old and no one to care for her. I looked at her face and thought she could likely be somebody's mom or grandma, and where were these people. She could also be loony but the fact she said she wanted to eat, made me give in.

I had the ringgit she asked for but I took out a bigger note and put in her hands and said "auntie pegi makan ya" and because we were running late, I did not take her myself to someplace to get the food. As I turned to leave in her broken Malay she said to me in loose translation, that I had such a big heart. And she said she will pray to all the Gods to bless me in my work, in my life and that good fortune be mine hundred fold ... I was embarrassed slightly because she was quite loud and people passing were giving the funny eye you know what I mean.

I shyly said thank you and reminded her to get something to eat and hurried along. I didn't feel any greater a person for having given her some money, but I have to say whether sincerely or not her wishes for my benefit made me feel like wings on my feet and lighter hearted.

Financially I myself sometimes feel like a charity needy case (none forthcoming from anywhere eheheh DAMN!!) but I always believe that if we are kind to people, someone somewhere when least expected will lend us a helping hand when we need it.

I know I am blessed with family and friends who care for me immensely. And I know that there are many people in as many far reaching parts of the world who would go to great lengths if I asked for a favour. But its not in the knowing of this that makes me feel better but that in reaching out to total strangers especially when their lives seem desolate and hopeless, one's sudden unplanned kindness renews their belief in the world and living.

This I have come to learn as a fact from the numerous times, strangers and friends have shown me kindness that has made my gray skied day suddenly a palate of rainbow colours.

Two very recent instances were from Nazeen who spent Halloween evening with me in Modesto KL having dinner and chatting while we waited for the Retro Bar to kick in with the promised music (which incidentally when we left at 11pm had yet to commence) and this was like at a drop of a hat decision because Naz didn't want me to be alone and blue on what should have been a celebration of a decade of marriage ... so we made it a girls evening out and talked about things that mattered to us. For that wonderful evening and the fact she did ditch hubby at home to spend it with me was really spirit raising - I love you Naz!! MUAKS!

The other was yesterday afternoon. I had been all geared up to spend the evening out in the company of some friends seeing as it also was supposed to be the farewell do of my chinaman best friend Uncle D. But due to unforseen circumstances that was postponed to next Tuesday. So was a bit in a mood by noon when the Accounts Exec called me to tell me they'd not banked my salary in and I'd have to do a bank run myself - AARRGGGGGHHHHHHH.

So when my pal codenamed "Skinny Ass" text me about some happy news on his side, my response was likely less than enthusiastic. Some time later while standing in the bank, I read another text of his and replied with a "haahahahah sorry but in a sorry ass bad mood now", I got a reply saying "I guessed as much, call you in a bit" ... when .ani is in a bad mood, seeing as I had to go lunch hour to Tmn Tun, park a gezillion miles away and walk in the hot sun to and from the bank ... I was like yeah whatever (I know I know oh .ani of so little faith!).

Hence an hour or so later when my phone rang and I saw his number on the screen, I have to say I broke into a smile. We were kinda bitching about some things and taking the piss outta each other on some other things, at the end of that conversation I had laughed so much and happy hormones was flooding me and I just had a happy plastered smile on me face for the rest of the time I was in the office. "Skinny Ass "is also going through some tough times of his own (who isn't right??) and his kind gesture to call me up was really very touching.

Like I said, kindness when least expected has an amazing way of setting a riot of happy hormones through you and I know it did for me ... and so Skinny Ass and Naz, I thank you both for making my Halloween this year a little extra special especially in a time when I've been feeling a little rollercoaster with all the shitty things going on. So many others out there who whenever they sense .ani is down they reach out to me in so many ways to make me pull up me socks and haul me ass back on to the journey I am on reaffirming that kindness always begets kindness in return.

To the wonderful people who are my friends, thank you darlings for loving .ani as is and I send you all my love and best wishes always ...

~~happy weekend all catch you in the next week recharged and ready to take on the world~~