Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

28 January 2010

Am Not At All Bemused ... Jan 28, 2010

Well day 28 of 2010 and we are still trying to spin more tales and yarns and I swear I am exhausted with the presumed levels of intelligence some quarters have of the Malaysian Rakyat!

What is the latest unbelievable story to hit the shit fan we have whirring over us in these extremely hot humid days? The 2 mosques that were 'gifted' with the head of pigs and a bucket and money - hmmmm what an elaborate exercise.

Reading TheStar report on the matter, I noted an interesting line in the report - humour me for a bit please ... let me get it for you ... report

Now the line that really interested me was this line
Rasbollah believed that those responsible had left the severed heads at the rear door of the mosque as they knew the spot was not covered by closed-circuit television cameras, unlike the front door.

Would the average Joe on the street know about the CCTV's installation and where was covered and where was not? I mean to be honest even my church is now CCTV-ed but I don't really pay attention to where the camera's are - why? Purely because I don't go to a place of worship with malicious intent or mischief up my sleeve.

I know when I involved in the KLIA project and the construction and fittings were going on, many of were aware at which points were covered by the snazzy security cams, and when several lust overcome morons on night shifts were caught in the early days on cams getting up to mischief when they should have been working - we thought to ourselves DUH! what idiots.

The same thought runs through my head now - What Idiots! ... If the culprits whoever these malicious cretins are, were trying to frame some sort of 'cerita dongeng' characters for this act, aiyo ... how in heavens name would any of these fictitious people Ah Chong, Rama, Simon and Sukhdev know which door was security camera covered or not. I don't think any of them would have in the first place ventured to check out existence and coverage of cameras to then go and do the nasty cowardly business.

Like all things in this country, someone else will plan and execute, and unfortunately someone else will be the scapegoat. I will not wait with bated breath for the police to catch the culprits because I am sure they will - I mean haven't they done an amazing job so far *cough cough cough*

So in Bolehland more and more eye rolling stupid things happen. But what I think is more important is how are the Rakyat reacting to all this over the top Razzie worthy drama. The whole script plot and actor plus producers and directors all super suck!

Because for the spin doctors behind this latest spate of nonsense, I really must think they are scraping the barrel here. Come on - has your education system (which cannot be found anywhere in the top rankings) really finally succeeded in creating empty airheads you expect to react to such pathetic plots and storylines?

Do you really have no respect for the intelligence levels of the Rakyat that you continue to spew such abhorring crap daily into the mainstream media?

Sorry but you ain't fooling me at all here. And from most of the multi-racial religious friends and acquaintances I have, it seems everyone is really sickened. We've been a 1Malaysia people - now if only we can bloody eradicate the disease called Politicians whose selfish agendas do not match the aspiration of the Rakyat.

So now it seems pig heads in a mosque, burnt churches and gurdhawara , demolished temples ... the sanctity of places of worship forever soiled, we see people who do not fear whichever God they subscribe to do as they please.

We're are getting to a point where even tragic comedy is no longer the apt description. But power corrupts and once corrupted, there are no more boundaries to what one will do to hold on to that power!

Malaysia, all I can do is be a better person that these conniving corrupted specimens and pray your people can read clearly between the lines what is really happening every time such news hits the shit fan!

21 January 2010

Spin Doctors & Cat Wagging ... Jan 21, 2010

Remember the group Spin Doctors? Once noted for Two Princes and Little Miss Can't Be Wrong ... well these guys be hard pressed to keep up with the spin doctors we have in this countries political scene.

Once a new shit hits the fan, immediately the spin doctor think tank goes into a whirl and wham another out of this world bullshit story will be delivered with such drama and passion. If you had nothing between your ears you'd immediately slurp up the crap.

Since we are damn good at 'Wagging the Kucing' ... (can't say 'pussy' the meaning might go to places we don't want to know about seeing as we have a new Sand and Sex Scandal. And 'dogs' are haram for some people to be touching to let alone be wagging! - hence the new revised version applicable in Malaysian context) ... we'll come up with more damn mind boggling stories.

It's a fairy-tale gone bad in Malaysia. Everyday waking up to listen to the new enhanced enriched stories is downright sickening. That might explain the constant nausea I am feeling!!

Most times I find myself wondering what is there left for me in this country. I ain't the special class citizen, I ain't AMEN-o backed, I have no godfather in high places, dang I can't even get a judge to grant me my divorce and my kids proper maintenance from their lost case father.

What is my tomorrow in this Bolehland??? Bijan and Hamsor continue to irk me. Old 'kucings' are now purring to a different tune ... some border on senile sometimes. Others you wonder if their mouth and brains are ever engaged at the same time. Because what comes out leaves more than bile after taste in my mouth.

Malaysians are divided over what Malaysia is about and should be. Many wonder if they might have to leave to find a more accepting place to nurture and raise their families. Others feel this is home and we should share it equally. Some others in high places think only of how to rape this country more whilst in power knowing that perhaps their days are numbered. People no longer are willing to take the crap their are dishing out sitting down.

Of all the people aged 21 and above not registered to vote, 62% are Malays - either they have no passion for the future of their country or they live in total apathy that it's always going to be how it is. Am proud to learn that the other races have seen a spike in registrations to vote - why??? BECAUSE WE INTEND TO SPEAK THROUGH THE BALLOT BOX .... and bite our butts if you find we knocked you out!

Can we say enough to spin doctoring and kucing wagging please? (wait isn't it cruelty to animals if you wagging the poor kitty too hard???) Can we speak as a mature nation via the ballot box? Can we please cohesively work together to make us proud to be Malaysian???

Please somebody ... anybody ... can you hear this plea?

On a lighter vein in view at how some people get so easily confused I share with you this joke which came in my email "
A man came home from work and his children ran to him and called out ‘Ayah ! Ayah !’.

His neighbour got very upset and said to him, “Can you please tell your children not to call you ‘Ayah’ ?”

The man asked, “Why?”

The neighbour retorted, “Because my children call me ’Ayah’ too. They might get confused and mistake you to be their father."

If you've not registered - GO OUT AND DO SO. If you are sick of all this nonsense then make it your duty to make a difference to the future of this country - you and I regardless of race and religion call Home!

20 January 2010

January What A Month ... Jan 20, 2010

Well it has been an interesting month. Aside from the mundane of work and coming going from work, the year kicked off very nicely for me.

Let's just say I took some bold steps ending 2009 as I wanted to leave that Decade from Hell good and well behind me. I did a really insane thing - I tendered my resignation without a job in hand. WHAT????? I can hear you go are you insane .ani??? You got kids to raise.

Yeah yeah I know. But when I look back at my decision, I am relieved and I feel alive again. I've got till the end of March 2010 to serve my notice and as I do, I am looking ahead for opportunities that I might grab at and move along.

I guess when there's too much water under the bridge, you can't ignore that the foundation is unsteady and it's time to make bold decisions and move forward. Because being held back by 'what ifs' and 'hows' is not going to get you anywhere - I've learnt that from the last decade. Trust me when I tell you, if you feel strongly about something - do something affirmative towards getting on the better side of it.

At my age, you cannot live in the shadow of fear and doubts, because the world we live in has no place for such like. You have to look at something, assess and move forward. Because all happiness and peace of mind is from within yourself not the people or the environment you find yourself in.

So January kicked itself off. Pretty interesting thus far. Along the course of these first 3 weeks of the new decade and the new year, someone said to me 'We think we have something that's worth taking a shot at, and we're going to do that.'

Everytime I read that line, it gives me goosebumps. One needs to break down that sentence into tiny bits to understand the essence of it. The fact that the entire statement is based on a belief that it's worth taking a shot. There is no known end result. Almost like shooting arrows in the dark we hope it hits what we are aiming for. I realise an interesting point of view from the person who said this. They believe in going the distance for what they believe potentially exists. It's uncharted territory but there's a spirit of adventure in the whole perspective.

And the spirit of adventure is what I'd lost through the Decade of Hell. The spirit of why not, let's give it go, oh well it was worth the trauma ... it seemed I wanted to walk on the safe side behind the drawn lines which in my mind were the barriers to living. I created excuses to why I wouldn't try something, built myself a safe haven in my reasons and barriers and obstacles. And in being safe, I feel like I am suffocating myself into obscurity.

Hell I am a Leo and you know how we lions are always out there in the forefront, making waves, leaving indelible marks on the lives we come in contact with. And for a Leo to sit on the sidelines and watch the circus play is kinda self depreciating if you get what I mean.

So with some thinking and am not sure if it's false bravado, I resigned from the place I once would have sold my life to the devil for. Because I realised, it was time to part and move on. And move on I shall.

One sheds the weights that shackle ones soul and one finds oneself lighter and recharged.

So January kicked off with a rather pleasant surprise which is slowly unfolding itself to my very 'Curious George' mind and it is going to be an adventure - I dunno where it's going, but check me in for the ride *eheheh*

I had both my siblings home and with the usual riff-raffs we exchange, I am convinced there are no others I'd want for siblings ... love my brother and my sister as they are. We went out one night for the usual 'Hokkaido Makan-Makan' session with brother inlaw in tow and friends and we had a riot of food and conversation. And I sat amidst it all just simply reveling in the love and friendship so freely shared.

Then I went out for a Sunday lunch with my sis and bro-inlaw and we had a great Sunday out before they left for Italy. I snuck in a mid-week outing with 2 friends and watched Men In Tutus - this has to be one of the best ballet performances ahaha because all parts are danced by men in literally tutus ... en pointe is not a man thing but these guys are rib-tickling funny and bloody good too. My favourite was the Dying Swan - 6'2 and lanky, he was really too cute with his interpretation of that classic piece :)

And then there was the event I'd been looking forward to from ending of last year. VIMA2010 and what an evening it turned out to be. This news article sorta sums it up for you ... and to top it off I gotta take a picture with my favourite band Deja Voodoo Spells, I got exposed to Benchmarx (sorry guys I just can't seem to load the clip I took of you at VIMA) and there's a whole lot of indie music talent here and from Brunei. You had to be there to know how good it was :)

For a kick off that ain't too bad. But usually January is sorta like a continuation of my December upbeat mood and along the year it starts to get all messed up with unfinished business and new things to deal with. By mid year I am usually just ready for it to end ehehehhe.

I intend however to beat the yearly blues this year and keep it in my mind that it's January all the way .... :) and if we've got something worth giving a shot, then a shot we will give as we embark on new adventures.

Keep you posted what all else comes colour my 2010 canvas ... but I have a feeling it's definitely going to be much more fun than the recent past ... nearing 40 but still 18 in my heart :)) we're shaking tail-feathers and going to live :)

12 January 2010

Hello .. You've Reached God .... Jan 12, 2010

Ring Ring ...
Ring Ring ...

'You've reached God in all names, please leave a message after the beep.

However if you're Malaysian, please do the following before leaving your message after the *beep*.

  1. Please press 1 if you're a Malaysian
  2. Please press 2 if you're a Malay Muslim with presumed exclusive use to 'Allah' when speaking to me
  3. Please press 3 if you're a East Malaysian Christian who has always called me 'Allah' but now your government has issues because they are a different type of Muslim and you cannot compare apples and oranges
  4. Please press 4 if you're a Non Muslim in Malaysia and you really just want to tell me you've had enough of all this but afraid where your government will take all this to
  5. Please press 5 and then hang up if you're one of those AMENO men trying to bribe me into making you even more rich and powerful.
Thank you for Calling God, but I've taken a sabbatical from Malaysia apparently you have a lot of 'demi and wannabe Gods' orchestrating this mess.

Have a nice day! God Bless!

*toot toot*

8 January 2010

Who Are You Kidding?? ... Jan 08, 2010

Good Morning Malaysia. Welcome to another absolutely AMENO fucked up day.

8th day into the New Year and the old rot persists and rather it further mutates into despicable levels that could make any pea-brained Malaysian cringe with disgust.

Church fire bombed in the night. Out of the blue? You think???? Hell no!! Another orchestration of people who need to incite racial disharmony. Why? Well because looking back at our history, racial disharmony brought amazing results for certain quarters - power is all corrupting. And the desire for absolute power makes you pimp your own mother.

Beng Hock's soul on the other hand continues to hang in limbo with only injustice served repeatedly. What have you got to hide la ... I mean you picked a fall guy already what, just spill your story and let's move along - I mean afterall we're just lapping up the bullshit like there's no tomorrow.

I am of the humble opinion that in Mindef, when the 2 jet engines suddenly were stolen and found in Argentina, that really it was NOT the Indian Sgt la who conspired the deal. WHAT how could he have done so - what locus does he have to act?

The TRUE story is that the cleaning guy from Bangladesh and Mindef's grasscutter from Myanmar who purchased, received and 'stole' the jet engines. They also have the locus and mind you the genius to then arrange for the entire shipping process and covered their tracks damn well. But apparently the 'cari glamour' Sgt la now want to go down in the annals (or should I say anals????) of Malaysian history as the smart one who almost got away with the big deal!

In Bolehland under the stewardship of the amazing Bijan and his plastic faced maiden Hamsor the truth becomes lies, the lies become fact.

Yes yes .... Good Morning Malaysia ... this is your fooked up life, live with it or start using your grey matter to decide the course this motherland of ours (yes ours regardless of who you are and what it says on 'bangsa/race' on you documents) has to take so that truly we will be Malaysians proud to wake up in the mornings - not cringe and say oh no another day of stories from the corrupted!

4 January 2010

Kicking Of 2010 ... Jan 04, 2010

Over the years, I have usually summed up the year on the last day of the year. Looked back fretted and fumed and laughed at all the nonsense I manage to find myself in somehow in the 365/366 days of a year.

The recent past years have been anything but a struggle. End of 2008 saw some major drama on the work scene that left me rather in an awkward position. The first 4 months of 2009 saw me in a sort of cold storage and a waiting game was played out. And then I was put here there everywhere it seemed and I still managed to find a smile to irk the higher beings who were playing this game with me.

2nd half of 2009 also saw me suddenly buried with work on client side with my colleague. Months on end we've been there on client side - it almost feels like we work for them - which isn't too bad a thing.

But as 2009 was rounding off, some interesting things began to happen. I mean all the tiresome divorce nonsense has to take it's course. But other interesting things.

The most significant being a promise to myself at the start of Jan'09. It was time and it was executed at the end of 2009 ... sorta like the end of the Decade from Hell, I decided it was time to put all these misadventures behind me. Things weren't 100% carved in stone but it felt right to shed the inhibitions and the anxieties and drop the dead-weights I'd had around my ankles all these years and let the phoenix rise within my heart and soul.

And I feel I made the right decision here (I don't too many good ones I realise looking back eheheh). People need to follow their heart sometimes.

Christmas 2009 was a small affair at home with brother, sister and hubby, parents and kids and my grandma. On Christmas Eve almost 20yrs since the 3 George siblings went for Christmas Service together. It was an amazing feeling of togetherness after such a long time. On Boxing Day we had a small group over for a BBQ dinner - everyone who came left with a feel good feeling and we had a blast hosting everyone and planning all the food.

My girls had a blast with their friends whose parents are now new friends found. Old friends came to make it an extended family occasion.

We had something to be thankful for. Dad's operation on his foot went well and the wound is healing well. Albeit it's a long recovery journey since Dad's diabetic we praise God and thank everyone for their prayers in those trying days before the operation.

Year end with one plan executed, I was in a chirpy mood relaxed. And when I received one of the sweetest surprises ever - something I didn't ever expect to happen. Perhaps like all things, all things happen at the right time and for the right reasons. I guess you could say it was a New Year gift I'd never dreamt of and yet it feels so right to accept and nurture and watch over as it grows. To the giver of this most awesome gift, you infused endless days of smiles and I return them to you in threefold :) ...

Then this first school day of the year and working day ... when traffic is at its snarling best. Accidents galore left right of the highway and realising some people may have been fatally hurt as a result, I got into a bit of cash eheheh - yeah I was the first pair of contestants for the new mix.fm Morning Crew's GenderBender segment ... cash so early in the morning and cash coming not going out :) - why would that not put a smile on my face on a wet Monday morning???

So albeit late to work thanks to traffic, I have felt thankful for the good things that I have experienced so far. Of course the usual comic tragedies in my life will persist I know - but the thing is, I feel 'come on take your best shot at me! I am raring to take you on'.

Perhaps 2010 feels all clean slate and canvas with nothing on it. Time to take out the brushes and paint.

And I feel the collage of 2010 may take on happier hues than it's predecessors. Those were painted by an unhappy almost beaten soul struggling. Those struggles are far from over but everything feels different somehow.

More promise and hope. More joys to be found than sorrows to be overcome. At least I hope the positive note in which the year has kicked off will continue and I will continue to look ahead buoyant in spirit.

I know I am easily knocked down but I have learnt to dust off and stand up and it's getting harder to knock me down these days. And that is something I am grateful for. Life's taught me to fight back for what I believe in and for those I believe in.

Life's also taught me that when I least expect to be loved for the person I am, someone out there tells me how special I am to them. And if that's not a soul booster to know I have touched someone's life without knowing, that just makes me believe in life again I don't know what is :)

Happy 2010 everyone ... am on my last year of 30 ... and the 40s looms ahead. I made myself a promise that by 40 am going to break out of my cocoon and take on the world in my beautiful colours ... and with all your love and prayers ... how can I fail??

As always .ani sends love and best wishes to you my friends and to the world. Let's make 2010 memorable in our book of life.

10 principles for Peace of Mind ... Jan 04, 2010

Seems like a sensible piece of advice as we kick off with 2010 :) .... I know it's done it's rounds on the internet and emails ... but good advice is never wasted shared me thinks ... and nope me not interfering in your business what **heeh**

Happy New Year everyone ..... may 2010 be an amazing year of all things good for you and your loved ones.


1. Do Not Interfere In Others' Business Unless Asked
  • Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others' affairs.
  • We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction.
  • This thinking denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God.. God has created each one of us in a unique way. No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way.
  • All men or women act the way they do because God within them prompts them that way.
  • Mind your own business and you will keep your peace.

2. Forgive And Forget
  • This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind. We often develop ill feelings inside our heart for the person who insults us or harms us. We nurture grievances. This in turn results in loss of sleep, development of stomach ulcers, and high blood pressure. This insult or injury was done once, but nourishing of grievance goes on forever by constantly remembering it. Get over this bad habit.
  • Life is too short to waste in such trifles. Forgive and Forget, and march on.
  • Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.

3. Do Not Crave For Recognition
  • This world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without selfish motives.
  • They may praise you today because you are in power, but no sooner than you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and will start finding faults in you.
  • Why do you wish to kill yours lf in striving for their recognition? Their recognition is not worth the aggravation.
  • Do your duties ethically and sincerely.

4. Do Not Be Jealous
  • We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. You know that you work harder than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes they get promotions; you do not. You started a business several years ago, but you are not as successful as your neighbor whose business is only one year old. There are several examples like these in everyday life.
  • Should you be jealous? No. Remember everybody's life is shaped by his/her destiny, which has now become his/her reality.
  • If you are destined to be rich, nothing in the world can stop you. If you are not so destined, no one can help you either.
  • Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere; it will only take away your peace of mind.

5. Change Yourself According To The Environment
  • If you try to change the environment single-handedly, the chances are you will fail.
  • Instead, change yourself to suit your environment. As you do this, even the environment, which has been unfriendly to you, will mysteriously change and seem congenial and harmonious.

6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured
  • This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and accidents that are beyond our control...
  • If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up with these things. We must learn to endure them cheerfully.
  • Believe in yourself and you will gain in terms of patience, inner strength and will power.

7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew
  • This maxim needs to be remembered constantly. We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable of carrying out. This is done to satisfy our ego.
  • Know your limitations.
  • Why take on additional loads that may create more worries? You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities.
  • Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer, introspection and meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind that make you restless.
  • Uncluttered mind will produce greater peace of mind.

8. Meditate Regularly
  • Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts. This is the highest state of peace of mind. Try and experience it yourself.
  • If you meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday, your mind will tend to become peaceful during the remaining twenty-three and half-hours.
  • Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before. You would benefit by gradually increasing the period of daily meditation. You may think that this will interfere with your daily work. On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will be able to produce better results in less time.

9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant
  • An empty mind is the devil's workshop. All evil actions start in the vacant mind.
  • Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile .
  • Actively follow a hobby.
  • Do something that holds your interest.
  • You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind. Your hobby, like social work or religious work, may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement.
  • Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God's name.

10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret
  • Do not waste time in protracted wondering " Should I or shouldn't I?" Days, weeks, months, and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating.
  • You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings. Value your time and do the things that need to be done.
  • It does not matter if you fail the first time.
  • You can learn from your mistakes and succeed the next time. Sitting back and worrying will lead to nothing. Learn from your mistakes, but do not brood over the past.
  • DO NOT REGRET. Whatever happened was destined to happen only that way. Why cry over spilt milk?