Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

10 April 2008

Meeting My Mentor Apr 10, 2008

I finally met my Mentor~ji
(and until some later date I shall refer to him as Mentor~ji and probably get my backside kicked in at some point, but what the hell, I am allowed to be in awe and respect of this man)

Our relationship for the lack of a better word ...

[... but then again aren't all interactions some form of a relationship??? I think it is. Relationships come in varied flavours that tingle ones senses and imaginations. This too than is a relationship.]

And like most of my relationships (I can see the eyes widening and the interest to find a tinge of scandal perchance - you will be disappointed I warn you now!) began via one of those online networks that disguise themselves as serious business networks and almost instantly become the happy playground of social butterflies seeking one thing or the other under the guise of seeking business opportunities and networking.

I got to interact with Mentor~ji, because I pretend to write serious prose (can't really call mine poetry can you - especially when I refuse to be tied down to any formal style, rhyme or meter) and of late have taken to being thick skinned and posting it here and there like there was no tomorrow. The reason for this almost sadomasochist activity was, I have had people often tell me they liked my writing. So I wanted unknown, strangers to tell if they liked my writing - seeing as the bigger picture is me wanting to eventually write a book. What I call my Booker Prize autobiographical fiction. WTF??? is there even such a genre?

Anyhows, I ramble!

The point being Mentor~ji critiqued my work. I was like 'Oh? Oh!'

After the inevitable question and self answer monologues I tend to have with myself. I ventured to write to him. And he replied. That in itself was a good enough ego booster for me, fledging wannabe writer to have someone of such talent reply. I suppose you could say I was in eleventh heaven (is there such a thing??). He'd even re-written one of my poems for a sharper finer finish, cutting out unessential words to show me the message was still conveyed albeit with a finesse as opposed to my raw ramblings.

Aaaaa and so the master and his wannabe student began sporadic interactions via messages, then I got his phone number - I always like to put a voice to the person who is writing to me ... there's a sequence that captivates me.

Words to voice to image. In the mean time, through the written word I begin to build the image of the person as in their physical appearance and personality. The voice is a facet of interaction that totally always leaves me either in awe or bemused. The image in my mind then is altered until such time I actually see an image of the person.

Why does this interest me so much? Well simply because, I have come to learn the what the eye does not see to categorize or contextualize, the mind simply rushes about pulling bits and pieces of images and does a photo fit of the other person. I throughly enjoy this exercise in my mind, because I have learnt that many are often disappointed when they finally see the real me.

Apparently my voice melts men - hahahahaha now if only I could commercialize my voice then. I could melt men and make money - a perfect win-win for me. My words I dunno, it sometimes has strange effects on people - they either become barmy or suddenly a light bulb is lit and all things are fine again.

I love the voice of my Mentor~ji. It's deep and masculine. It goes hand in hand with what samples of his writings I have had the privilege to read and savour in my mind. The packaging this powerhouse comes in is rustic. I find it unpretentious. He's small built compact dynamo on the ever ready go! ... I'd like half of his energy and confidence. But then that's why he is Mentor~ji and I am just dreaming me.

His visit here was something when he told me would take place immediately shot my excitement levels up. (oh for pete's sake get that brain out of the gutter not THAT kind of excite!!) - I so so wanted to meet him and talk to him in person and listen to him. His energy is infectious. And I most certainly welcome such energy into my life. I am too 'dead' in spirit, I need a resurrecting boost.

I wrung my hands in anxiety whilst waiting to meet him at arrival. His flight was some 20mins delayed. I worried I might not recognise my Mentor~ji and that be terrible start. All my fretting came to naught. The moment I saw him walking past the glass panels, I recognised him. I think some people are just distinct.

Speaking the next evening, albeit a tad nervous , I found how at ease I was in his company and to me that's a milestone. Few people give me such a vibe so instantly.

Mentor~ji is busy busy with chasing up on the reason he is here. And he keeps in contact when time permits. I am just soaking up the energy ... the enthusiasm ... I am excited at the possibilities that are ahead. I am eager that his venture kicks off soon. I want to be a part of some history in the making ... I want to extend this adrenalin rush I keep feeling in my blood - I have not felt this way about anything in a long time. And just the idea of his project being executed here has made me sit up and think. And I can see the images in my mind as the project enfolds to me.

Am I gushing like some teenage crush? ahahha perhaps! This is not a crush, this is about pure admiration unadulterated for someone who inspires me to try harder at what I dabble in. Someone my guts says would be proud if I made my dreams realities. If I were to by some unexplainable circumstance surpass my Mentor~ji, again he would happy for me. I dunno. This is the feeling I get when I speak with him.

Again I am thankful. God has blessed me. The misadventures of the past remain lessons I cannot ignore. But my future is looking brighter. Like messengers from God, I have met new people who encourage my growth in positive and and affirmative steps ... baby steps yes .. .but steps nonetheless.

I have another week of Mentor~ji's presence here and in those few hours I managed to hijack from my desk bound slavery, the conversations I have had, have and continue to have give hope and reassurance that the chains that hold me back will soon be something of the past.

My heart, my mind, my soul is longing to take flight. And the time has come for me to be caught in the sudden upwind, spread my wings and fly ...

p/s: My stable of God's messengers is growing ... and if I have not thanked you for your belief in me, I do so now.