Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

25 April 2009

Go Get A Life .... Apr 25, 2009

Can I ask why you keep coming back to read about my life ?? We're online at the same time - it almost feels calendestine ... like people meeting in secret - the point being we aren't!
Please go get a life and stop trying to peek into like my life like a thief unwanted ... you chose to leave, stay out.
Don't constantly come here to pry into what is no longer yours to know or care about - by your own choice.
I told you goodbye a long time ago, by being a irresponsible jerk and still wanting to pry just makes you a complete irresponsible bastard maximus ... let me just avoid the bile attack ... my life's not perfect not trouble free but it's my life and I'm happy without you - deal with it dude, you're not missed at all.
Now get off my blog and stop coming back ... everytime I see that you have, it reminds me of a time when happiness was not mine to enjoy and I do not wish to be reminded of that time anymore ... like they say in Malay - pi main jauh jauh ...
Go Get A Life JK ...

23 April 2009

I Want Your Used Denims ... Apr 23, 2009

Ok ok for my friends on Facebook who got an interesting status from me last night and have had their interest piqued ... you can read all about it here - Jeans Wanted.

I think it's an awesome idea and what more we're also creating a Guiness Book of Records entry - heheehe ok ok that as an aside!

I buy National Geography Kids at about USD 29 per annum for my kids and they've some really interesting stuff in that magazine for kids ( I mean I have NatGeo and Discovery mags at home too) but the girls are interested and keen to read everytime this arrives in the mail addressed to them.

So the lastest copy that arrived has this very interesting program. I' meant to add a poster here (at the end) for you to have a look see and I hope that you might be interested to undertake this little drive - however scanner had a prob - when it's rectified will scan for you :))

If you want, just write down your names and number of jeans and pass them along to me ... am hoping that we might make a large Malaysian contribution since although the NGK is available if you purchase it online globally, it's real major market is the US.

Am not so much interested in the fact that there is a record to be broken - but the fact that 500 pairs of jeans recycled can insulate one average sized house.

I know some of you might be thinking why send jeans to the US for them to use instead of using it in our own countries. Well to be frank, I ain't no textile or chemical engineer so I wouldn't know what to or how to break down the denims into reusable insulation material, but if you have the expertise then perhaps this is something you might be interested in venturing into ... anything to save our world, I'm happy to make the effort.

I hope to be able to collect as many jeans as possible and I hope to find a sponsor for the air-freight (I just need to perhaps sweet talk someone I know who could do this hehehehe) of the collected denims.

For some pointers on the sort of jeans I and NGK are looking for
  • any denim clothing is ok
  • the denim must have been used
  • any brand - so if you got branded or hypermart brands it's ok
  • any color or size but must be worn by a human (no doll clothes!!)
In short what happens to the jeans we collect and send over ...

"All the denim will be donated to COTTON. FROM BLUE TO GREEN.®. This denim drive recycles jeans into UltraTouch™ Natural Cotton Fiber Insulation, which is used to help build houses in places that have been damaged by hurricanes, tornadoes, and other natural disasters. Your jeans will help set a record, keep clothes out of landfills, and build houses for families to live in!"

If you choose to send your jeans on your own - please include this coupon along with your parcel ... and they must reach before the 30th of June 2009. Read about UltraTouch here ..

Small packages can be sent to the P.O.Box address but if you have a large collection send it directly to the second address or else .. contact me and I will get it from you - let's help our world anyway we can ...

NG Kids / Set a Guinness World Record
P.O. Box 98001
Washington, D.C. 20090-8001

For shipments that cannot be delivered to a P.O. box:

NG Kids / Set a Guinness World Record
1145 17th St. NW
Washington, D.C. 20036

So spread the word - see if you can make a difference just by collecting old used (and washed please) jeans for a good cause and yes yes even a small world record :)) - awesome to know you made a difference right??

Hoping to hear from you all ... as of 22nd April they have 6314 pairs of jeans ... am sure my friends and I can make that number bigger ... don't you think?? You can follow the number collected here

The original ad from the mag:

20 April 2009

Service Unto Others ... Apr 20, 2009

I've taken a long sabbatical from many things I'd enjoyed doing in my youth.  Some of it was as an unspoken response to the ex's disapproval lest I unwittingly outshine him in public.  Most often it is because even though I might be passionate about something, I found it hard to be doing something in the company of others who were merely there because it made them feel indispensable.

The one important thing people must realise when embarking into the arena of service unto others is that the service we do is not about how many pats on the back we might get from others around or the number of awards one might be conferred via one's so call service.

This is a voluntary giving of one's time, talents and efforts.  But from what I have noticed from long before, the front liners of most associations or groups, most are there for the glamour of being seen rubbing shoulders with dignitaries or politicians.  Jostling to be in the pictures taken by the media and such self indulgent satisfaction from seeing their faces in the news.

I mean yes we should not judge the motives of those who give their time.  But time and again, I have seen those who really deserve all the accolades and awards continue to do as their calling in the shadows.  The real hands on service is rendered by these few.  The rest are there at the peak of the media and attention seeking strut and pose and give rhetorical speeches (quite like our politicians).  The real heros are forgotten and often in the shadows.

My distancing from all aspects of social service or volunteer works came to a halt.  Not because I lost my heart or caring nature, but I found that try as I might to ignore all the politicking and one upmanship, it eventually sapped you of your passion to help.  I take my hat off to those who stick in there, in the shadows making significant change and leaving their mark .... because their hearts and souls were in their work 200%. 

One of the basic fundamentals of offering one's time and service is that the recipients are often extremely clued in as to who is the glam seeker and who is genuine.  One cannot fake one's heart.  We can train ourselves to portray a caring personality, but small gestures are telling.  I too can read very quickly the fakes from the real deals. 

Being in the company of so many inspiring people, I have learnt too how to reach out to people.  In my own little way, I am sometimes I am their "BEFRIENDER" line.   It has often struck me as strange that people can open themselves to me.  But I have told, my sincerity in listening to them makes them feel they can trust me. 

I find that very complimentary.  I learn from each of their experiences, I use the experiences of others as examples when listening or advising and I do feel like I helped if it means the other person can feel better from their sharing with me.

One thing I never do is enter something I feel I cannot contribute to or commit to.  In the recent years, I have often turned down invitations to be a part of programs that I would readily jumped into in the past.  Because time is of the essence and I have so little of it.  What time I have, I've to juggle it somewhat between work and my girls.

I feel the time has come to return to doing things I feel fulfill me.  And recently I have said yes to some invitations because I feel I can contribute.  I may not have a string of letters behind my name proclaiming to be the best in my field but I am an ever evolving student in the University of Life - this is one school you never graduate from until the day they commit your mortal remains to ashes.

And in a few short meetings, I have come to acknowledge that old habits die hard.  I cannot bring myself to be a fake.  If I jump in, I jump in whole, if not I remain outside doing my own little acts of service when I can - because to me my conscience being clear at the end of each day knowing I did what I did to the best of my abilities and to the sincerest of intentions. 

Because someone once told me, never put conditions or expectations, do so because you want to.  It's a harder done than said sorta piece of advice, but when you learn (which I am) to live by this simple principle, things start to look a whole lot better ...

So if you're thinking to volunteer, as much as volunteers are welcomed everywhere because of the short of hands, please first analyse your reasons as to why you want to volunteer.  If you think there's a stairway to heaven easily built, then perhaps this is not where you ought to be.  Most of the causes you volunteer and give service to, they need people with good open hearts not those with self promoting agendas.

Perhaps if our politicians learnt this, they might begin to serve the people in their capacity much better too ... but alas this is Malaysia ... everything is but a sandiwara and a wayang kulit.

16 April 2009

Rabbits, Goats and Camels .... Apr 16, 2009

A few weeks ago I had a post here which rambled on about the fact that one should never promise ship full of camels if all one can deliver is but one solitary goat.

A few days ago, a friend and I were over lunch (it would seem that when there's food around philosophy also makes an appearance **grin**) and she added a new perspective to this analogy. That being out of the blue, a rabbit finds itself in the centre of obviously nonexistent camels for delivery and the fact that the solitary goat has now been mauled, abused and butchered that delivering it is now near impossible. So enters the rabbit.

Now you'd have to understand the context of this conversation to really grasp the tragic comedy this all is ... but this however brought to mind another interesting joke that I heard some time ago.

Forgive me if the punchline falls flat ... it's been sometime so I'm pulling it together now as I remember bits and pieces ...

There was a contest to see who was the best secret service agents in the world. The CIA, the Mossad and the unassuming PDRM turned up for this competition.

The competitors were taken to the fringe of a jungle and told that in the jungle there was a rabbit. Their task was to find the rabbit and bring it out.

The mighty CIA in typical style wanted to be the first to find the rabbit. And so they went into the jungle in search of the rabbit. After some time they came out empty handed. But intelligence reports indicated that indeed there was a rabbit in the jungle and they would return to the jungle to find this rabbit with properly trained and equipped personnel.

Next up were the Mossad. Confident that they would find this rabbit they set off into the jungle. Several hours passed, and they emerged somewhat tired but bountiless. They reported that as their CIA counterparts had reported, there were signs that a rabbit was to be found. In order to flush this rabbit out they would be taking precautionary air raids as soon as it could be arranged.

When our good old PDRM boys in blue came up to undertake the search, everyone was surprised. They came as they were. Not like the CIA and Mossad boys who were equipped to their teeth with technology and came out empty handed. The odds were stacked against our boys.

They took their time as they went into the jungle. Some time later, a lot of running, shots and even scuffles were heard emitting from the jungle. Soon one of our PDRM boys came out to proudly announce to everyone that they had found the rabbit. The CIA and Mossad were stunned. Everyone waited with bated breath to see this amazing rabbit that PDRM had caught.

Out from the dense jungle to the shock of everyone came a a badly bruised and limping bear hands up in the air declaring "I am the Rabbit!! I am the Rabbit!!! I AM THE RABBIT!!!!!"

Anyways, back to my earlier train of thought. So entered the Rabbit ... in this instance, the poor Rabbit is now not only trying to fill in the shoes of the over promised goat, but the rabbit now has to also proclaim ... I am your ship load of Camels!! I am your ship load of Camels... believe me I am YOUR SHIP LOAD OF CAMELS!!!!

But my point is ... call a spade a spade. No point in calling it an excavator is there - it cannot perform the same task can it??? One is for pottering abouts the other moves earth and digs trenches.

**ehehehehehehh** perhaps I should stick to my day job huh???

New Medium Blog Posting ... Apr 16, 2009

I am trying out the email blog posting feature .... does it work? Will find out after I've posted this and it shows up on my blog.

Bear with me ... I am a little odd ... but totally harmless eheheheh - if you believe that, you'd believe anything **evil grin**

15 April 2009

Plain Disappointing ... Apr 15, 2009

Exactly 6 years ago today, was the last time my girls saw their father. So last month when during the divorce negotiations, he'd said that by Apr 15th 2009 he'd be up to date with all the unpaid interim maintenance for the kids, first of 3 parts of the settlement between him and her with me and the proposals for his part in the future education of the girls, I was somewhat bemused.

So I waited for this date because although I know him and his current influencers and knew giving him the benefit of the doubt was really useless on my part, I did try to see a sliver of hope in this man I once loved, once married, carried his daughters and long since agreed to give up because he chose to be anywhere else but here. But the principle still stands.

You bring children into the world, you show responsibility towards their well-being. Any man with half a brain and a spot of humanity would agree. But we ARE speaking of my biggest misadventure.

Anyhows all it did was reinforce why I am so much happier today then I was when I was with him. Because a man should show responsibility. It cannot be forced. It cannot be taught. It's inherently either in you or it is not. Hmmmm a point for all to ponder ... don't you think?

Imagine if I too decided to footloose and fancy free. Since afterall my parents are there, I ditch the kids and go on some merry frolicking, mindless about MY kids. Man the world, even HE would have jumped to point out how unworthy a human being I am. But how is it that somehow the rules bend and changes when it applies to him?

Some might argue then that he has family now. He is totally a responsible father to his son and the mother of that child. But err what about the family he ditched?

So after my conversation with my lawyer and the joyless news he gave me, I went on to work did what I had to ensure I have a salary at the end of the month although my days are definitely numbered here. Because money has to come in to keep my girls and me going forward ... you don't say!

There is a thing called karma. Some think they are invincible, life has an amazing way of humbling people. I know I have very often been humbled to the point where my views on life and how I work my way through the insanity of everything and all the challenges has evolved and continuously evolving.

To be overall good mommy, I have to live life within my capacity to the fullest. Be whole myself. These things that he keeps doing or in this case NOT doing irk me occasionally. But in true .ani spirit, I find something funny about the whole episode and I laugh it off.

I think I shall go think about my next blog piece it is a spin off of my Goats and Camels ... a new element called the Rabbit. It's still sorta forming in my mind ... till then happy trails ...

And YES Jacob, you managed to momentarily make me curse your entire world - which is not a good thing, but only momentarily then I chose to not remember you. After all I got better things to do with life ... amongst them is being so so so undeniably happy :)) ...

Hmmmmmmmmmm ... is it new possibilities out there I can smell ... oh super yum! ...

14 April 2009

Happy New Year ... Apr 14, 2009

Yes it is the last of the New Year Celebrations.

The Indians, the Sinhalas, the Thais, Burmese, Balinese, everyone who is celebrating their New Year today .... and it's probably your last chance at getting your ass off the ground and going out to make some of those resolutions happen.

So here's taking a bit of time off to wish you all the happiest of New Years and may the trials of today merely be reason to celebrate our tenacity in facing life.

To all let this also be a time of reconciliation amongst loved ones, friends, neighbours and those who have in the past caused us hurt and pain. Leave the past where it is and move forward afresh and renewed.


11 April 2009

Easter 2009 ... Apr 12, 2009


To me this year Easter or for that matter any celebration has new and special meaning for me.

When the year kicked off, I was so heavy with burden of worry and fear about how I might survive this trying times. A job I wasn't sure if I had anymore. Although I knew the intention of the senior management after their rather hasty 'termination' of me in November '08.

Then their silence as to my position in the company, and yet the upsetting things that they did in hope that I'd just give up and tender my resignation - perhaps clearing their conscience of their unfinished deed. (I wonder if Lady Macbeth comes to their minds at any juncture .... oh wait they've have to know who Lady Macbeth was first to even know the soliloquy)

Anyhow that aside, January was something I looked at with trepidation because job security uncertainties made things even harder for me to see light at the end of my tunnel. I've been chin and smiling in the face of adversity so long, that I have to admit, it was tiring me out. All the health issues over the last quarter of 2008 made it even more priority that I replanned and restrategised my life as I moved into 2009.

January brought good news on an issue that was plaguing me for some time. And that was a signal to me that things even though rocky and in choppy waters would see some closures and beginnings for me this year. I felt I needed to baptise 2009 as the Year of .ani ... this was the year I put closures on things that have plagued me since the turn of this century. And the Year of .ani meant .ani had to begin living, begin actually immersing myself in being whole even in the state of "unwholeness".

March 13th - yet another milestone in the Year of .ani ... it was the day something I'd waited for patiently was finally granted. I cannot say that it went my way, but I think on the matter of principle, it was a challenge well borne by myself. I have learnt so much more about who I am in these years out in the wilderness. I found strength and courage inside me when I least expected to find it. I have risen about so many trials, remained calm on surface while paddling like crazy underneath.

I entered a new era of me. I still am wraught with worries and fears but I am willing to take chances now more than I was before. It is a journey, it is a discovery ... it is meant to be the start of the Year of .ani which could end up like some perpetual calendar of my life ... Yo.A1, Yo.A2 ... you know what I mean.

Somehow each small milestone, each tiny achievement will continue to spur me forward. Even if some dreams never become realities. Even if Mr. Right the Imagined is all I ever grow old with doesn't mean I might not consider Mr. Not So Right along this journey - one never knows till one takes a chance.

Just like some friends who said at the end of all my waiting, the reality is I got the better deal. I am free to live my life as I choose it. No questions for me to answer, but some others well they made choices, I get to taste different flavours at the Baskin Robbins counters, they might be stuck with just Vanilla for life ... ehheehehhe how can I possibly have gotten the bad end of the deal ... I am so bloody philosophical it does crack me up especially when I say it out loud, my analogies for life are pretty comical.

Lent this year began, and midpoint I got reflective. Easter this year feels symbolic to me more than ever. Like a new chance at life, a rebirth, a resurrection of spirit I know that even in my darkest hour, God has not forsaken me. I take a lot of angry confused frustrated sabbaticals from God, but He remains always near to hold me steady.

His minion of of everday angels in the you I have met through the years. In the you who has come into my life in my high and low points. In the you who has taken time to hear me out, give me a hug, love me inspite of me. In the you the man in the street, complete stranger I have seen God and I have seen his nemesis. And I know in my heart who resides.

I am given at times to thoughts so evil and treacherous. Especially towards people who have hurt me in my past and who hurt me in my present. The same people who seem to revel in seeing me pushed into a corner with no way out. At those times, Satan is full fledged in my heart. I think of all the evil and pain I might inflict on these person(s) so that they know exactly how I have felt. But my anger cools as fast as it flares.

And I always hear in my heart, leave it be .ani, in time they too will bear the rewards sowed of their evil deeds, you need not join them. Like a gentle zephyr, I feel God's hand lightly on mine reminding me that He will judge them according to His laws. And I am reminded of the gift of forgiveness in the words uttered even as men tormented Him ... 'Father forgive them for they no not what they do" ...

It is then I tell myself, each day .ani is a new day. A new chance to make right what wrongs might be in my past. The Trinity to which I profess my faith in is in my heart. And I am renewed in spirit to face each new trial knowing that I cannot go wrong if my heart is with God. A few bumps and bruises, scuffed knees, glued back heart ... I'm good to go ...

This is Year of .ani and it will work out for the better, it might be a little slow going, but it will get better, because I know when I love, when I give, when I call you friend, brother,sister or family, I do it with no obligations, no conditions and no expectations ... remember always Do unto others, as you would others unto you. A little kindness goes a long way ... time is no limitation to when kindness given maybe kindness returned.

My girls and I send you all our love and best wishes for a Blessed Easter. May the Love of God the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost be with you all always my brethen ... Go ye in peace, love and rejoicing.

10 April 2009

Act 3, Scene 1 Ms. Shaaribu ... Apr 10, 2009

Makes you go hmmmmmm doesn't it .... : read this

Another scene in an already incredulous staging. But rest assured you'd be damn lucky if you even saw the tiny 2"x2" announcement in maybe the very last pages of the news when this actual hanging is to take place ... because hell we've never seen the face of these two accused ...

Next you know Azilah and Sirul be eating roti canai and having a teh tarik next to you all newly renamed Rahman and Dollah ... kah kah kah ...

Wonders never cease in Malaysia especially in our theatrical productions which leave me extremely bemused. If the leaders can do this kinda shit and get away scot free ... imagine the likes of small time manupilators ... Justice died a long time ago ... now we suffer the ghosts of it all.

The murdered does not come across as any angel, but she sure as hell didn't deserve to be blown to smithereens ... and strangely those who took orders are seemingly being punished with death by hanging - we wonder now is this yet another 'wayang kulit' production.

Afterall Malaysians have short term memory ... we're all hangat hangat tahi ayam (hot hot chicken shit) and then we forget ...

It is Good Friday today, perhaps what Christ said as he hung on the cross like a common criminal "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do" is apt here ... perhaps forgiving all these horrible people is the only way you and I might remain sane in this crazy world we live in ...

If I don't catch you Blessed Easter to all .....

6 April 2009

Italian Riveria Apt For Rent .... Apr 06, 2009

Sea view from the main balcony

Dining with a view ...

This breathtaking view can be found in Ospedaletti Ligure, a small village between San Remo and Bordighera.

Nearby nearby attractions are Apricale Imperia Liguria which according to my sources is really like a fairy town and in summer months they have a moving outdoor theater where the cast take you through the entire village during their story.

The location offers easy access to the most renowned west Italian and French Riviera (which is only 15 minutes away so you can spend the day at Menton, Nice, Cannes, Marseille, Toulon, Saint-Tropez which come after Monaco) sites, together with the possibility of exploring the typical, fascinating Ligurian hinterland.

The apartment for rent, fully furnished with old classic Italian pieces, is situated less than 50m from the sea and offers a breathtaking view from the bedroom and living room.

The living room
It includes:
  • 1 bedroom with 2 single beds that can be joined to form a double bed
  • living room with convertable sofa that sleeps 2 comfortably
  • 1 large balcony with deck chairs and “garden” table/chairs for al fresco dining ΓΌ fully equipped kitchen with gas stove, electrical oven and fridge
  • 1 bathroom

Fully equipped kitchen

The view of the Kitchen and Main Balcony

Amenities available are :
  • washing machine
  • hair dryer
  • autonomous heating
  • bath tub with shower
  • hot & cold water
  • TV & DVD reader

Dining on the balcony

Open for Summer 2009 bookings. For further information and reservations please email seasidegetaway@gmail.com. Currently the package is on a per week basis ... trust me for the view and the apartment you're getting it at a really really really good price.

4 April 2009

Returning To Stage ... Apr 04, 2009

Can you imagine ... after like almost 2 decades, I will be sort of re-emerging on the stage. Although mostly in the capacity of MC, but I do have one small role as narrator in a dialogue less play.

It's all kinda exciting. It reminds me of my days as a child and all the Kerala Samajam stage shows. Especially the Onam Nite celebrations which were held annual in August. And me and my 2 other dance partners used to put up items. We were bharata natyam students. My kid sister was also. So we had a time of our life performing on stage in our little Seremban town and on several occasions also travelling to other towns to perform for those Kerala Samajams.

I grew up attending the SRK Convent, Seremban and bi-annual stage shows were a big big thing. We had the late Yamtuan of Negeri Sembilan as the patron of these shows. And performing in front of the royal couple was indeed a high point for all of us who were part of that year's production.

We sang, we danced, we played musical instruments, we acted out roles in different plays. Bustling after school hours of practise sessions, costumes to be measured and stitched and make up and props ... there is nothing quite like it.

The just before curtain opens butterflies. Executing a perfect performance. The lights, the flashing cameras, the applause ... like wow! ... and the scramble off the stage for the next item and the hugging and jumping around because we did good on stage - no foul ups bleeps or blunders ... although as it did happen on occasion, how one covered up the bleeps were source of conversation till the next time we got back on stage.

Every night was our best performance. All out we went. And that was something about the Convent spirit that I find so hard to ever find again especially in today's schools. The Infant Jesus Convent was the school I attended. Even in secondary there were numerous stage performances.

For Teacher's Day, Children's Day, Sport's Day, National Independence Day, Prefects Installation and any other given reason we could find. We wrote our own scripts, we laboured over props and costumes, we sold tickets, we danced till we collapsed from so many rehearsals. And when I was Choir president, we sang and sang till we were hoarse. There's just something about being on stage. You take on the character and role you are living beyond your daily mundane limitations.

Plain Janes who normally scurry around avoiding public scrutiny are suddenly transformed on stage and hidden talents and passions discovered. I know I learnt my passion for writing and choreographing from those days back in school.

I've harboured dreams of going on stage as an adult. But have always held back because I believe no one wants to see a Michelin Tyre on stage (although many a stage performer are not Ms. Universe beauties!) but my own self inflicted disbelief in my own talents has always held me back. And over the years of constantly being thrown into deep ends that have made me question my own capabilities skills and talents, I have lost faith in myself. I have to admit, I was never one stage shy or tongue tied as a kid but things happened and I withdrew further and further into my own shell.

Last April, I was one of the MCs for the company's Annual Dinner and I think I did a fair decent job. I have a good voice and am articulate and I can be funny ... when this request came to be narrator and MC, I thought hey why not ... be good fun.

Let's see how it goes. I still harbour those dreams of being a stage performer if not the likes of Oprah, sharp straight tongue in cheek type host ... I do believe I can do it at some point ... but for now, I'm excited again heheheheh ... I feel almost like a kid, staring into the lights giving it my best ... isn't life one huge stage performance anyways.

Some of us give it an all out honest effort, others muck around and hope we'll applaud their half-hearted performances.

Will keep you updated on this little adventure - am sure there'll be loads of pictures at some point although being MC makes it a bit hard to capture the moments as they unravel.

Stolen Glimpses ... Apr 04, 2009

**waves to my Shanghai Stalker**

I am somewhat tickled by the fact that some people cannot come to see their children in person but must steal glimpses like this ...

eheheheheheheh I am REALLY REALLY cracked up !!

But then again if that's all their conscience can allow them ... then so be it.

I've no grudges or axes to bear. And if some people had any inkling about the sort of person I am, they would know that even their current little pitter patter of feet would be quite safely taken care of if there came a point in time.

All is equal ... children should not suffer or bear the sins of their fathers (this being an expression ehehehehh) ... and the girls are growing up fast and so much has been missed and lost experience for the parent who chose not to be here.

Perhaps they will make it up with the new babies they have made and make ... one can only hope it doesn't become a cycle of making and leaving because the next time, some people are not going to be so lucky with such as one as forgiving as myself. *eheheheh*

How's the weekend shaping up everyone. Here's it's blistering heat followed by thunder storms ... the weather is as insane as the world we live in ...

Take care all .... {{hugs}}

2 April 2009

Rear Ended Again!!!!! Apr 01, 2009

I swear I’ve never knocked into anybody in all my 6+ years of driving. I might have in avoiding a maniacal driver when my Charles was but 2 weeks old smashed my left side 2 doors unto a bus – after that baptism of pain I’ve never been in an accident because I am extra extra cautious.

Admittedly my side parking is a little weak so on the odd occasion I might end up too close to the kerb but it’s always in slow motion so Charles has remained thankfully dent free. But in the last 2 years I think Charles has been reared end about 6 times. And all times Charles was not moving – stationary at the traffic lights or toll booth waiting for the car in front to clear past the booth. 5 out of those 6 times it has been women drivers and one of them rear ended Charles 2x in 5 minutes. Adoi!!!! Malu kaum these people.

Thankfully the Kia Rio 2003 model comes with a rather sexy-licious round butt … and the bumper even though has been rear ended so many times, does not show the damage because the other car usually ends up under my bumper and then when they try to get off it sounds and feels like Charles is about to lose his butt … haahahahahh shakes me up good and proper.

So there I was yesterday evening at the Bt. 3 Toll Plaza waiting for the car ahead to move along and listening to BFM and some old skool rock and **CRASSSSHHHHHH** and mind you we’d been stationary for some 5 minutes and this woman can actually scold me. Like err you whacked my car and you scold me??

I put my indicator and moved to the left of the road once past the toll as I didn’t see a point of getting out and causing a jam at the toll booth … she could have driven off but apparently she did have a conscience even if she was an GOD AWFUL driver – just looking at her car I was like OMFG HTF she have a licence. A quick check of Charles butt it was as expected – no visible damage just more paint scrapped off the underside. But obviously she hit hard coz Charles did get a dent on the top.

So now thanks to that moron who reversed into Charles in the parking lot and left a nasty dent on the front and this lady’s contribution on the rear – people are going to look at them and then at me and go Lady Driver when fooking bloody hell, I’m a damn good driver and very vigilant and defensive in keeping myself out of accidents and bumper kissing scrapes …

Now I can say I am a good driver because everyone who has sat in my car, tell me that and they don’t do it out of desire to get out alive seeing as when I am flying, Charles and me are kicking dust. But I am damn good at anticipating the other driver’s nonsense, not something everyone can do … and as I was sitting in that toll lane yesterday evening, my left eyelid started to twitch, and I thought to myself be careful ani when you’re on the highway … next thing I knew bang – me thinks the gift of sight is rather unnerving!

I didn’t lose my cool too much though because I felt that the woman rear ending Charles was way better than had she not – because I had a vision of shattered glass, twisted metal and no sight of me …. Perhaps God’s angels made it in the nick of time.

So it could have been worse, so I am glad I am alive and kicking still ….

1 April 2009

My Morning's Charm ... Apr 01, 2009

I was listening to BFM this morning. And I was very very taken in by the guest on the Morning Grill. I'd missed the first few minutes, hence I'd missed who it was. But along I kept hearing Veritas and David ... I was like hmmmmmm who is this person.

Why you might ask (seeing as Veritas did no immediately ring a bell ehehhe - am so not architecture savvy!) ... well because probably in the longest time ever, I was mesmerised, completely taken in by the person speaking on air. He was articulate, witty, very obviously global savvy, intelligent, confident and someone who just all round came across as very very interesting and yes attractive.

You have to follow my train of thinking here and it's not an easy process I admit ... I am here there everywhere with how I think eheheheheh. Just some 20 minutes before I tuned into BFM, I was listening to Mix.fm, the traffic reports, the He Said She Said and was kinda assessing some conversations I'd had in recent times with different friends as to why I although I would like as in all normal people to be in a good relationship, but I seem cold and uninterested in the whole idea of getting into one.

I realised that
(a) I have put a very high benchmark for this 'Mr. Right' that he only exists in my imagination
(b) I am shit scared of failing yet again that I make it impossible for any chap to get close to me
(c) when I feel like I need a man in my life, I crawl away into my non-existent Mr. Right's arms and he make sme feel good again ... it's less hassles
(d) I need not invest time and money and emotions on something that is as uncertain as much talked about British weather

So anyways ... aside from all of the above blah blah ... I just do not seem to meet men who juice up my brain - yeah am one of the weirdos ... I don't get attracted to a person unless he can ignite my brain. Built like Hercules and packaged with Brad Pitt looks just don't do it for me ... guess poster boys are just not my cup of tea ... now if he WAS a poster boy with mega brains, eehehehehe I'm smitten!

And there I was hurtling along at my usual, with a million thoughts. Looking back at the men who broke my heart. Looking at the men I've paused to consider of late and how they all eventually disappoint being unable to sustain my interest post the initial flury of exchanges.

I mean yeah naturally I ain't no hot hootchie babe, so that is a given that men who are sadly visually driven creatures cannot see beyond the packaging. And they wander off in search of the next under-aged sex kitten wannabe ... they like draping these things on themselves ... helps with their image of their own frail masculinity me thinks.

So all given, .ani pretty much has nothing to chew on but "Mr. Right the Imagined" who can hold amazingly mind stimulating conversations, who takes time to smell the roses and is not too pretenciously macho to be a real man (whatever that might constitute eheheheh)

Being a right brained oinkster lioness ... I guess how I am drawn to people is also very different (or maybe not) ... and listening to David Hashim of Veritas and his journey in the business since 1987, suddenly inspired me in so many ways it's a bit too long to list here. But one thing is for sure ... suddenly Mr. Right the Imagined did not seem to unreal after all.

The potential of accidentally crossing paths with such a person was very possible. Imagine I tagged in a few minutes late because I wanted to hear the end of this segment. I wanted to absorb and revel in the articulateness of David Hashim sharing his ideas and his thoughts and his aspirations. And when I got into the office like the typical info junkie I am, I stalked the net to put a face to the voice. I had to see if the image I had in my mind matched and I was spot on ehehehehehhe.

And then I did a totally unprecedented thing, I googled up the email address of David Hashim because I wanted to tell him how much he'd really inspired me this morning (when the mood was rather surly ...) so I yeah I dropped an email (I know WTF was I thinking right????) - but do you know something? I got a simple reply within 10 mins which I have to say magnified the qualities I felt he represented. It was nothing earth moving but it reflected to me how down to earth he came across on air and well in an email response. It reminded me of a CEO I once really looked up to as a mentor and friend, but yeah you note the past tense in there don't you ...

I am quite sure Veritas is going to go a long way and it's journey has no less been interesting (yes yes I googled and read just about every thing there is to read about David Hashim, Veritas and it's business ventures ... even some of his presentation papers ... all very educational for someone like me)

So while most of the world is going about playing April Fool's, I felt like today I "crossed paths" with my lucky charm ... it's put a smile on my face and I feel stronger than ever even if I'm going to be growing old with Mr. Right the Imagined eheheheh

Q2 kicks off today .... ready for the ride????