Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

29 December 2009

Christmas Time ... Dec 29, 2009

Christmas time has always had a special place in my heart. Back when I was kid and realised there was no Santa Claus really but still it was nice to lie still in bed on Christmas Eve and imagine the sleigh bells and the Ho Ho Hos ...

And as I got older and lived away from home when I started working, present shopping, last minute lunches with church friends before we all headed home to our small towns added to the happy feelings of the season.

Although the last few years have been somewhat marred by the disintegration of my marriage, I've tried to recreate in my mind the same festive feelings I had as a child. Hoping to share and create images for my daughters. Poor things have not really had very joyous Christmases but with each year, we are trying to make them memorable for them.

After nearly 20 odd years my brother, sister, my daughters and I attended Christmas service on the 24th in our church in Brickfields. We 3 walked in together and crossing that threshold into the church compound just brought back so many memories for each of us. It has been a long time since we 3 siblings went together and it being Christmas time made it even more special for us. I will always cherish this Christmas and give thanks to God for prayers answered.

We nearly might not have celebrated Christmas this year as 2 weeks before dad had to undergo surgery and amputate 2 toes - being diabetic and a stubborn one at that since his stroke, he'd gotten a wound which turned gangrene despite best efforts to keep it clean. 9 days of hospital shuttling with mom and brother taking turns to watch over dad, me shuttling between hospital and home to keep kids and maid in order. Dad being discharged with a clean bill on the wound was good news and Christmas looked even brighter.

This Christmas, we decided to keep it family - being a Friday and a vege day in my house. Mom cooked some simple dishes and we were all at home. Sister and bro-inlaw had arrived, so it was a full house. There was a BBQ planned for the 26th and each of us had our friends over.

As usual Christmas at the Georges is something that brings people from all walks of life and ages together for a good time of celebration of food, company and leaving troubles behind, even if we have to pick them up the next day ... but for that evening it was magical in my eyes.

The group was smaller than in the past years, but I am sure this will always tip on either side of the scale. We've had 200+ ppl at the same time in 2005 and this year we had just under 40 but all the same we shared in friendships and good cheer.

The BBQ ended Sunday morning when the last of guests left about 7am and it was a slow day to recuperate. We missed some others who were not able to make it or present but they remain in our hearts always.

I have to say after a really trying frustrating year, I thoroughly enjoyed Christmas 2009. It was in many ways a Christmas I find hard to describe with words. The usual George family dramas, stress and outbursts took place. And yet this is what I suppose makes it so much more special, when the extended family and friends arrive, we know how to give everyone a good time and it amazes me how so many look forward to begin their annual winding down with a Georges Christmas do ... I so look forward to opening my home to many many more such Christmases.

We might not have jack frost nipping at our noses, and no Frosty the snowman or chestnuts roasting on an open fire ... not even a blue White Christmas, but I feel just perfectly happy to be surrounded by those I love most dearly in my life and to know so many others love me too with all my spots and faults.

Blessed Christmas everyone ... isn't it just a simply special time of the year?

7 Years On We Trudge .... Dec 29, 2009

Well well well ... another year comes to an end ... but so many things remain unfinished.

The most trying being trying to get 'divorced' from Jacob. I mean COME ON!!! it's into it's 7th year since he walked out and I am STILL legally his wife. The irony to this is illegally illegitimately he now has a son to boot in this merry madness!

So came March 13th, after endless stupid negotiations with yet another know-it-all lawyer brought in by the sister of the mistress - I mean every single scam in the lawyer's book of scams they have thrown at me in the last 7 years to delay has been amazing. These days before I go to court (for which I wasted a lot of my Annual Leave in 2009) I already know what will happen, what trick they will pull, and how they will pull it and how the obviously already disgraceful judicial system will allow the oppressor more time to oppress the oppressed instead of meting out justice where it should be meted out.

So on 13th March - we came up with a Consent Order. The 2 key points that took 3+hours and then Jacob still had no balls to stick to his word when the Sia sisters said No Go ... made me laugh - how pathetic can a person be! ... RM2300 a month halved when the elder reaches 18 (she's turning 10 in 3mths) and nothing more when the younger turns 18 (who incidently is going on 8 in May). Mind you he promised it would be paid on the 7th of each month - hahahahahaahahahahahahah like that happens! Only before any court date, suddenly miraculously a cheque will appear for some 6-8 months ago never in full for all months.

And this from someone who is Senior Director, Regional Demand Planning APAC, Customer Delivery Operations (CDO) at Alcatel-Lucent living on expat package in China. I am guessing here if RM2+k is so difficult to come up with for a position like that, then it must be there about McD's counter service salary scale (haahahhaahah ok ok I earn pittance but REALLY here! and then pro-rating it when it finally comes in the form of a cheque - I swear my tolerance level and sense of humour at this comic tragedy they insist on playing has increased over the years!!). Didn't think a 77K strong multi-national was such a bad employer in terms of salary perks for expats!! No wonder I work in a local Sdn. Bhd. - it makes more sense when I take home my salary and count the sen then!!

His crafty counsel as a counter proposal to my RM100k for each daughter as an education fund for their tertiary since although they said education is paid for by the company Jacob works for till University, Jacob refuses to include his daughters in that benefit (apparently being born a girl means you have no right to furthering your education in this day and age - well at least from Jacob and the Sia sisters point of view that is. Let me guess whose name is down for those benefits???) So crafty lawyer says Jacob is agreeable to an Education Policy of RM150k each daughter (surrender value for those in the know of insurance and how it works) but alas .... 9months have passed and they have proposed anything but that - each time requesting more time to rectify their mistake.

You would have then thought that the Honourable Judge might have done an honorable thing and chosen my submissions over their crappy porposals but noooooooooooo apparently judge feels they should be given more time. Now judge is being transferred to Shah Alam and so instead of giving an Order, judge has set a new date in Feb 2010 before a new judge who will also in the end give in to innumerable requests by Jacob's side for postponements and delays (and I say this from experience - we're going into judge number 4 or 5 now for this matter!)

Apparently in the Malaysian Judiciary, making a decision is a difficult thing for these people in the hot seat (just look at how every case of any nature progresses these days!) because apparently going to the Court of Appeal will eventually make some of them look really stupid even if they did give good judgement - Oh Well we are in Bolehland afterall.

When all of this news came back to me 23rd of December, I have to admit I sat down and cried my eyes out. I had to get it out of my system. I had every intention to celebrate Christmas in an upbeat mood. No more of that ghost of Christmas 2002 when all this began. It has been a long battle.

And you know what? I know what Jacob is hoping for, that like other times in the past when he wanted something I opposed to, he'd keep at it in his usual way and eventually he'd get his way. Well sorry dude, you're banking on the .ani from the past, you've changed me into something you've no idea what tenacity you're up against now.

The crying was merely at the frustration of being at the receiving end of injustice for so long. And I wondered, I am educated working woman and I have had so much trial and tribulation just to get a divorce with something for my kids (What about those other women who have no knowledge of their rights or money to get help). Were I to be asking for 600million or something to that effect I can understand being fought every penny, RM300k as a contribution to the girls education fund. Any parent knows that's peanuts in today's education costs. It won't even cover 1 year of Engineering or Medicine (yes I see potential in my girls why should I shortchange them??)

But at least there's something to kick off with. Whilst I drill the girls daily to study harder, work harder, score better. Whilst i scrimp and save and try to put pennies and hope to make them dollars. All I have to offer as a mother along with love and caring is a chance at an education that will take them to greater heights and then my job is done. Apparently their father does not share that same sentiment. But then when all his expenses were paid for by his working brothers, what would he know of the value of an education desired and no funds to ignite that dream.

Life is always full of ironies. But if I calculate it right, I see some ironies in the future. I have begun to make peace with myself on so many issues and I see better now. Clarity of vision is vital to survival as is instinct in a world where people never pause to reflect as they mete out injustice.

7th year so what. Drag it out as much as you want, I am patient ... very very patient. After all I'm not going anywhere anytime soon :) ...