Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

27 August 2008

I Am Orthodox - What's That?? ... Aug 27, 2008

Malankara Orthodox Church - a quick link to explain the church that I belong to. And as exciting as it might sound to some that we're some sort of cult group - please read before you give me reason to sock you between your eyes.

The official website is The Malankara Orthodox Syrian Church.

I myself am constantly learning what makes us Eastern Orthodox different from the Roman Catholics, the Western Orthodox and the rest of the Christian world ... I found this interesting link on the Differences between Orthodox and Catholics (somewhat summarises the whole thing in a page or 2). And hopefully to those reading any of these links you'll not ask me again what's the difference between me and Catholics.

Also can someone please please please stop me from slapping the next idiot (especially if it's an Malaysian Indian) who asks me "Are you Indian or Christian?" like hellloooooooooooo I'm Indian and I am a Christian ... what you meant to ask is Am I Hindu ... Jeepers ya!!! And then again with blank look "Are you Indian or Christian?"

I swear at times I have no clue how to help these people!! *hehhehe* So if you get a tight smack to kinda realign your brain - please take heed and stop asking that damning question especially to me!

~.ani no looking forward to drive home in rain and aircon-less car~

23 August 2008

You Raise Me Up ... Aug 23, 2008

This song never fails to give me goosebumps :) ... and well if someone as hot as Josh Groban was singing it eheheh you can bet them goosebumps will be like major *kih kih kih*

But not many know that the origins of this song is The Hymn of The Sacred Heart in its entirety. Am including a link if anyone wants to understand what The Scared Heart teaching is about ... but nope am not converting anyone - just sharing who might be interested. Anyhow just wanted to share a nice tune with everyone.

Am also sure each of us has someone who raises us when our spirits are flagging and life seems so pointless. For me now, it's the 2 daughters that God has blessed me with. Whenever I am down and out, I am comforted by the simple untarnished love they have for me their mother. And I am again inspired to keep soldiering on towards the goals I have set for myself in order to make their tomorrow's better ...

Here's to those who raise us up when all seems bleak and in the case of Malaysian politics, I hope there is a beacon of hope out there, and someday, we will be the reflection of Truly Asia ...

~.ani in a senti mood~

22 August 2008

Is It Just Me Or .... Aug 22, 2008

Every year from the kick start of August, there's a frenzy of flags on buildings, on cars, lorries, motorbikes and even the trustworthy bicycle.

This year, there seems to be a dearth in 'patriotism' in Malaysians. There are a few die-hards who have the Jalur Gemilang billowing in the wind as they zoom by on the roads but none of the past years near 'fanatical' level.

Why??? I am wondering ... I mean I think the traditional Petronas advert that will inevitably move you to tears is out already (they have awesome ads I have to admit very inter-racial and diversity appreciating) but the average man on the street does not seem to have been bitten by the fly your flag in national patriotism as Merdeka approaches.

I personally think it's (and I cannot be wrong) people are just too sick of the current Malaysia to even want to wish her Happy 51st Birthday. People are still reeling from the fuel hikes, people are trying to make ends meet with the basic necessities price escalations ... even rice a staple is selling like a rare commodity at mind boggling prices.

The Government tells us to tighten out belts and when will these belt tightening exercises come to an end or any form of relief be provided nobody knows. It seems we are all - let me correct myself - the leaders of this country are so wrapped up in fighting the DSAI "menace" and are so busy trying to dig up dirt on the chap and replay previous played hands ... whilst DSAI and his team are also doing their best to open as many can of worms as they possibly can lay their hands on, it's you and me who are left reeling with everyday some more spirit sapping policies and financial drainers ... that the thought of tomorrow is an unwelcome chore.

In all that negativity, then how is the average Malaysia going to draw up any excitement at the impending birthday of this Golden Girl ... her bright sheen is now sullied with accusations, cross accusations, exposure of corrupts who have cheated the people with empty promises, more suspect candidates come forward making even more hollow sounding promises to already disillusioned masses.

On top of that we have a segment of people who are flying out country's flag upside down. Yes Yes!! we understand this is their expression of a country in distress - everyone knows the international sign of distress is an upside down flag. (AD: I hear you ok, but tell me when you see the JG in a foreign place do you not feel a warm fuzzy feeling that is not otherwise induced???)

But by doing this, who exactly are they expecting to come forward to rectify the situation? Ok given BN is not going to learn any humility despite the narrowly won Parliamentary majority and the fact that slim majority is constantly under threat from the Opposition's fragmented coalition.

Surely we don't expect Uncle Sam and his boys to come rolling in to 'liberate' us are we? Is not this distress the result of our own undoing in sticking to the comforts of status quo than rather progressively voicing out over the years that people are not happy anymore and not buying the government propaganda blindly?

Hence in this distress, we are again left with options, and it is 'US' the you and me to make wise choices or choices that our conscience tells us is what holds the key to a better Malaysia. We did something in March this year as a collective. It's been a rough ride no doubt and a lot of questions have popped up. Some are disheartened, some remain positive better things are about to unfold ... Whatever the case, the 26th August is another milestone for either candidates and more drama to unfold for sure.

I am wondering if it's all this that has made flying the flag this year so much harder ... there is so little joy at the moment. But these is again just from me ... not necessarily agreed by anyone else ...

Happy Weekend ....

20 August 2008

August August ... Aug 20, 2008

Today is 20082008 - significant to different people for different reasons.
  • Well for starters it happens only once ever
  • 2 of my most favourite people in the world officially tied the knot today and I wish them all the very best in life
  • This was supposed to be the day of my divorce hearing - finally after 6 years of waiting and countless 'Mentions' the matter was to be heard. But as luck would have it, it's school holidays in Malaysia and the Honorable Presiding Judge is on leave (admittedly even they are parents so no complains here)- hence hearing postponed till further notice *sigh* ...
  • I saw 'him' after 6 years and it was an interesting thing to realise how it didn't matter anymore to me, I am over him truly and I sincerely wish him happiness - this was a liberating moment so to speak.
August is always an interesting month for me personally. I am surrounded by innumerable August Leo friends globally and the entire month is spent wishing someone or other happy days ahead till the next birthday. Ma and I too are August Leos so all the Leos in the house, give us a roar!! *eheheh* this is especially to WaWa the nuttiest lioness I know and love to bits!

Indonesia, Malaysia, India, Singapore all celebrate National/Independence day - each aging in her own glory, each also wallowing in her own realities of political-socio-economics. Malaysia turns 51 - and Malaysia is in pain and to an extent it seems like pandemonium reigns like a loose cannon. At times I feel hopeful, most often I am anxious. My biggest concern always remains the future of my babies.

When one consciously decides to bring forth children into the world, one must also then consciously plan provide and care for these children. With all the madness on-going over the DSAI 'scandals', BN's unbelievable antics to pull wool over the eyes of the Rakyat, all the lies, all the promises, all the crushed hopes of the people - in micro perspective I feel that all this is resonating loudly in my life.

It often seems that we notice the things going wrong in our lives when the macro environment is vibrating the same in greater degree. Still August always makes me feel excited. Despite any challenge that I may be facing at that point in time.

I turned 37 this past 16th. Every year when my birthday comes around, I look back at the year that's past, review all the ups and downs and unfinished business and take stock of what I want in the year ahead. This year I knew what I wanted even without thinking too much about it. The slight derailment of that is alright - am used to finding some other means to get back on track and stay focused to the end goal.

There was no cake this year. But the hugs and kisses and home made gezillion cards from my babies made me smile thinking how blessed to have such lively vibrant intelligent babies. For all the wrongs in my life, I have been really lucky with Ashna and Kasha. Infuriating sometimes, but I know that with them here in my journey, as hard as it gets it will be alright. Something amazing in the purity of a child's love for mommy even when mommy isn't Mrs. Incredible (many times they've wished I had the stretching power of Mrs Incredible)

August means Magnificent and sometimes I think perhaps that is why the Lions reign in this month *kih kih kih* there is an amazing magnificence in this animal. Like Aslan in Narnia ... you know what I mean? August is also the end of summer in the northern hemisphere, we're closing off the year with just 4 months to go... The advent of the new year hangs about with fresh promise, after a cold slow winter.

Even for someone like me who has never been in a 4 seasons clime, the idea of hues of browns, yellows and reds against crisp air makes my pulse race with unbridled hopes. I kick of the birthday looking ahead to making the next year a better one. And come next August, I will once again take stock of my life thus lived.

The confusions and inner wars that go on inside me, makes for anxiousness and sometimes stress but with the years, I am learning to better handle situations good or bad. I know from the last year I have grown and matured. I've come quite a distance. Have to say I am proud of myself for learning to keep head afloat troubled waters and inculcate optimism into my life.

Bursts and spurts of writing has shown me I am developing my own style in conveying a message through words strung in some form and manner. And I feel a growing confidence that God has given me the inherent talent of words and I must use it to reach out. What used to be a quiet hobby, has been noticed by some and with different degrees of reactions. Another positive is that I can take feedback better and not feel like giving up just because someone didn't like or approve of what I wrote. My words are an extension to my subconscious mind... perhaps it's all superfluous bullshit *kih kih kih* like one afflicted with 'malapropism'

I do know, I am learning to find the peace I seek from within myself and that external factors play a role in preserving that peace but not as much as my own state of mind and being. I looked at myself this morning in the mirror before I drove off to court, and I thought to myself .ani you've come a long way girl. And there's a long way yet to go - stay true to yourself, to God and keep a clear conscience in every deed or action and it's all going to be alright .... sometime, someday ... soon ... I believe it and so it shall be.

38 here I come ... and there's the next decade and man it's going to be good and better with each new year ... I wish you and Malaysia abundant blessings, peace and prosperity ... in such insane times, I think we could all do with a little cheer (esp the smokers and the drinkers who are so going to get whacked with the new 'sin tax' the Budget is likely to reveal ...

Ciao ciao for now ... and even if some people find it hard to believe, I wish only good things for everyone ...


13 August 2008

A Malaysians Hope Revisited Aug 12, 2008

Sharing a piece I wrote last year. As we watch the current political climate, I wonder if any of our politicians even realise how much in pain as a nation and as a thinking people we are in. Perhaps not everyone aspires for a Bangsa Malaysia because they will lose their privileges that they have grown too fat on.

There are so many of us who are living with a burning hope that someday we are just Malaysians and there is no more race segregation. But so many more who are unwilling to compromise for the better of Malaysians as a whole.

I am anxious, we are 51 and still squabbling like spoilt children.

Malaysia Is 50 ... .ani original 140807

Fifty years post independence
Still those in power fail
To acknowledge our interdependence
Of peoples so varied and colourful
Each having their place in pushing us forward
Come Malaysia open your eyes
Give each of us our rightful place
We sing 'Tanah Tumpahnya Darahku'
Our blood our sweat our tears
The same no matter from whom it spills
Golden jubilee with pomp and pageantry
Look within, look back, then present and future
Diversity we must capture and sustain
Appreciate and celebrate
There is much more to achieve
As one people, one nation
We await the day when we can proudly say
Bangsa : Malaysia
Happy Birthday my homeland
Let not the blown candle smoke mar the visions
Alive in the hearts of your people

8 August 2008

For Malaysians Aug 08, 2008

Knowing very well how each and everyone of you must be feeling with the current state our country is in ... I think this here image speaks volumes for how many of us feel. This is also symbolic to all Malaysians as we have known Malaysia from it's inception to present day ...

Perhaps all this madness means at the end of it there's a light of hope ... we can do what we believe is the way forward but I ask of each of you to do only what you feel is right, never succumb to the herd mentality that prevails and festers.

Register to vote.
Vote when the opportunity comes your way.
Make a difference for the tomorrows of our homeland.

Trying turbulent confusing times but when you're at rock bottom, the only way is up - that's kept me going all these years. A better tomorrow is from within each of us. Jaded perhaps, but hopeful always.

I Wrote Aug 08, 2008

I wrote another poem today ... Opposites Alike, and I hope unsuspecting contributor of this piece likes it.

Squirrel Dude's buddy - this one's for ya *smile*

Looking Me Up??? Aug 08, 2008

Petaling Jaya, Wilayah Persekutuan arrived
from search.yahoo.com on "Incoherent Ramblings of Ashka Part 2: Despair ... Feb 13, 2008" by searching for anita george xybase.

Hello random blog crawler ... how's it going?

Ever since I added the feedjit link I've been interested to see how people arrive on my page ... and about 34 hours ago from when I write this, this entry was in my history.

WHOA! Someone searching me up?? And more importantly why? I mean I don't see any new message in my message box. And I didn't receive any email from anyone unexpected ... so this is rather unnerving.

Yes I do work in XYBASE - it's an IT company - anyone in the industry knows that. And yes I am Anita George aka .ani and a host of other names people tend to refer to me with. But to yahoo search me out - YIKES!

All it does point to is someone who obviously knows where I work ... Now was the sole intention to find my blog? (I have 3 mind you and one initial blog on Friendster). Hehehehhe it's not like I am some celebrity blogger with anything worthwhile to scour the net to find me.

Which brings to mind a couple of blogs I randomly decided I would read, which then took me due to their posts to another few more blogs and WHOA! I've come to realise this public display of thoughts is most definitely a double edged sword (I mean I knew this all along, but to see how entries are used for one's self gain ... aiyo!!)

A famous celeb male blogger and the so called love triangle gone bad. The blogs are all very very very emotional and to an extent disturbing. I mean I am guilty of laying my heart out in some of my entries, especially concerning my forever dragging divorce and the relationship post separation that didn't work out as I'd wanted it to ... but other than that and the fact that only of late I've had any traffic other than myself (ahahahhaha what to do?? I write, I read) I've used my spot in netspace to rant and rave what otherwise clutters my head so much. What I've written is about me, my feelings and my excitement and my disappointments and my hopes - it's like I said all about .ani

But the double edge to this is people are quick to make assumptions based on their 'sterile' reading of your writings. I don't think the 'passion' with which I've written my thoughts is accurately conveyed to the reader and hence it's not really fair to expect it to be so or for the reader to truly understand what I am on about.

Thus finding someone out there ACTUALLY looking for me per se is like huh??? Whatcha talking about Willis????? To be honest it kinda scared me a little. Having said that, I do realise the consequence of taking fingers to keyboard and writing about yourself on the net. It's open to interpretation and it's public space ... I guess what it boils down to is how people use the 'information' they have and for what purposes.

Again referring to the love triangle blogs, it was pretty disheartening and I can't even begin to explain why it disheartened me so much. But whilst I sip my Milo O in the office in place of lunch (with current economic situation, gone are the days of having lunch hahaha) I am wondering what my visitor found when he/she got here and if they know me, why hadn't they said hello - or perhaps its one of the 2 people who disappointed me wanting to know what was up with my unhappening life.

Sorry to disappoint you if you wanted saucy details ahahha - I am soooooooooo BORING (as is constantly reitirated by the Squirrel Dude's buddy) there's nothing glam or juicy going on. The only saucy detail I can share with you is my on-going affair with my old piece of junk car Charles and the fact that I think Charles is now gone either bi or gay seeing as Charles likes to see my mechanic Ah Foong every other week ... sheez!!!

It's Friday ... what's happening to the world we live in??? Malaysia is totally confused is all I can say ... Have a pleasant weekend.

5 August 2008

Malaysian Are You Registered?? Aug 05, 2008

My very politically ticked off possibly Anwarista buddy anfielddevotee has decided that in view of the PKR advisor's sure winning the By Elections in Permatang Pauh, all Malaysians should be called upon to be prepared for as he puts it Snap Elections i.e. meaning that with Anwar's win (if he doesn't win, I can then guess what next will happen in the merry accusation exchange games that's on-going), the entire BN coalition is going to witness a mass party crossover thus literally handing over Malaysia to the new era under the leadership of near cult status Anwar ...

Oooooooooookkkkaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! anfielddevotee is likely to pass through my page and then hurl insults at me for having absolutely no focus or perspective of the future of Malaysia (ahem, I ask you to refrain from that on my blog ya!)

However, I am 100% behind anfielddevotee in his call to the eligible voting Malaysian to please register yourself and ensure that you are correctly recorded for the constituency that you will be voting in. If like myself you've not updated this (am planning to go if I have time this Thursday to update my voting constituency), due to circumstances you have moved, and going to your registered constituency to cast your vote is NOT YOUR cup of teh tarik, I suggest going into the nearest SPR office and updating it ASAP.

Can't hurt to be registered - it's free and it's part of your responsibility as a Malaysian to cast a vote in deciding who has Parliamentary majority and thus who calls the shots for how this country should move forward.

Once you've registered, check online to ensure your details and your voting area is correct. But when you go to register - make sure you've read this guidelines first ... How To Register.

Now it's really up to you. I voted in the 11th and 12th GE and I made my contribution to what I thought was how I wanted to move forward. My dreams for an equal footing Bangsa Malaysia might still be a long way off but at least I take responsibility for my actions and their outcomes.

Be truly a Malaysian and register yourself as a voter. The future of Malaysia is in your hands and change we aspire for begins with ourselves. Leave apathy to Malaysian politics behind, use that God given brain and think and decide wisely on how to achieve a Malaysia we can all be proud of.

Remember ya .... "marilah mari, pergi mengundi, jangan lupa kewajipan, pada negara".

You register then get your friends to register too ... a small exercise for our collective better tomorrows. Government or Opposition make your vote count.