Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

31 March 2009

Of Goats and Camels .. Mar 31, 2009

I was having lunch yesterday with some colleagues. And is usual in such circumstance, we were talking shop or should I be honest and bitching about work ahahahahah anyways such are the times ... you wish you didn't have to be that slave to your salary at the end of each month and yet, what options do you have?

The 2 of us who have been around a long long time and the 3 others who are well still freshies by service years were looking at different angles of how the dynamics of the organization was going and how we all seem to be stumped or frustrated at some point or the other.

In all of this gay chatter, I suddenly said in response to something (it fails me now) we can deliver a goat, but we promise a ship load of camels. And that got everyone at the table cackling because they found it so funny.

Now if you take that in context to the life most of us are living ... I think it applies. Most often, all we can afford is a figuratively speaking goat but we live beyond our means in mythical and fictional fashion.

I look around me sometimes and I am wondering how come even with zero self indulgent spending, I am always stretching my RM. Then I see all these people shopping like there's no tomorrow. Handphone changing, car changing, handbag shopping ... you get the picture.

Then of course you'll read in the papers all the fore closures and bankruptcy notices. And this is the economic downturn ... but going by what I see in general, you'd think this was boom time instead. It would seem we have a generation who cannot comprehend a recession - most being unthought of in the 88 Recession, too young in the 98 Asian recession. So here they are in the 2008 World Worst Recession since the 1920s ... and what do they do ... live beyond means and expect some bailout from somewhere.

And in businesses, when people are vying for projects and tenders and having been in quite a few of these myself, I cannot help but wonder how the bosses intend to keep these promises when looking around you know it's just not going to happen. Somehow the miracle of the 7 fish and 5 loaves that Christ did is not within our mortal means.

Having until very recently been in one such project (now unceremoniously dumped to a forgotten quaranteen zone) I know the kind of stress and mental agony I went through trying to live up to the promises made by the big guns and the reality of what resource and skills were at hand to make those promises a reality.

Sometimes being honest and a realist in times where others choose to make imaginary sales of camels when even their one singular surviving goat making it to the finish line is rather questionable is really not worth it. I have been yelled at so many times, then accused of things I would never fathom doing even if I had the right to do so. My credibility was questioned - me of all people. I am so straight and honest it's so not funny but I suppose there comes a time when everything about you will be wrong because it suits the mood of the other person to feel and think so.

Circumstances and economic situations force me to bite the bullet and hang in where I quite clearly know am no longer appreciated or wanted. And that is painful. And the more camels I see promised, I fear for the goat's sanity. Because there is a saying - the straw that broke the camel's back. Even camels imaginary or not have a threshold point.

And that point comes when the promised party calls your bluff. Then what? Do we then sacrifice the one goat and divide it's carcass amongst the debt collectors? From where I am standing, it quite looks like that's what will come of all this. But I feel nothing ... because, I was once part of a goat paddock trying to meet the promised camels output, now I am a scorned leper in a corner. Isolation kills the spirit - but I have fought so many battles before, this is yet another war game for me.

I always learn from mistakes ... however big or small they be, because a lesson learnt is never wasted. Here and now I know that if ever I am in a position to make a promise to anyone I will promise only pigeons and deliver peacocks :)))) ... we get smarter don't we :)) **eheheheheheh**

Happy days all .....