Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

1 January 2009

New Year's Day ... Jan 01, 2009

**dusts the dust of 2008 off, checks supplies and rations, wipes goggles clean, equipment good to go .... revs up engine and headlong into 2009 ..... vrrrooommmmmmmmm**

Now if only life were that simple :) .... am sitting on my bed, in the room, in the house I have been 'house-sitting' these last month, pretty much alone except for the maid cleaning abouts downstairs and the dog in slumber on the kitchen floor ... the clock says 17:35 .... wow ... 17 hours into the new year .... errmmmm feels a bit like the old really ...

I swear all this hype and marketing new year blah blah blah .... like as if anything changes with the change of the last digit on the calendar.

Perhaps yes to some or even most people. Looks like 2009 still has old unwanted baggage for me ... although this time I am choosing to not be bothered by it anymore ... mutate all you want you stinking garbage ... eventually you too succumb to nature's rule and degenerate into oblivion.

I spent the eve also practically in the same position I am in now. Worked the day, struggled through the massive jams back to base camp, had dinner early, showered, logged on to my pc and surfed the world. Caught up with a few global friends, reconnected with another girlfriend and exchanged news after almost a year I think and welcomed the new year in with calling home and wishing siblings.

Only difference - this year I texted no one any greetings - ahahahha very unlike .ani - usually I have a very personally written wish for everyone and send it out in time before the networks jam and all but haven't this time. And I haven't even replied a single message as yet. I have a plan :)) a cunning plan ahahahahahh - yeah yeah I wish I was as cunning as the Black Adder but alas!

This out of character is likely due the number of shitty year end servings I had in 2008. And also the fact that .ani after a long hiatus from such frivilous stupidity, actually fancied someone - hahaahha - yes yes this means a recipe for disaster as always. Anyhows, .ani has decided to cut the person some slack and go crawl back into my hole for a bit. Like me galpal Ju says, don't do an .ani - which perhaps I am guilty off ... I mean so I care overwhelmingly ... my crime, sue me!

But over the years and in all the interactions, I have come to learn that society and people cannot deal with honest straight talking agendaless caring. People are built to to always do something for something. There is always a reason for anything anyone offers anyone else. I personally if I don't care two hoots for someone, I don't pretend to. If I do care for someone, at whatever level or degree, I guess I tend to do an .ani (ask me sometime what the hell an .ani is about hahaahahha)

Now which brings me to think. Should I then as part of my 2009 resolutions (which incidentally is not hard and fast carved in stone as yet) decide that .ani is going to not give a damn about anyone anymore unless it is to be personal benefit???? Be a user like the types I see around me all the time - all trying to get up that great big hill of whatever they are chasing and stepping and smashing perceived competition to smithereens. The kinds that make me wretch and almost literally 'vomit blood' at their stinking insincerity ... **sigh** I cannot be like that.

So it seems the endless catch 22 repeats. Be myself - get fooked, try to be like others - likely to get fooked too ... oh sod it! .ani is like this. I care about those I mark as inner circle. Just got to stop being overwhelming I suppose - manageable change request there!

So let's see what we got for 2009 ... hmmmmm
1. be less overwhelming to people I care about (already implemented - giving them ALL the space the want)
2. kick their balls when people kick me in my teeth
3. get cracking on working on a more healthy me
4. read more, write more, think more, plan and execute more, play more - errrr this last one I dunno but we try
5. make time to meet friends more
6. widen my circle of friends by meeting new interesting people constantly - keeps me sharp and interesting too (kill 2 birds with 1 stone la ni)
7. don't ever let heart get the better of me head - somethings are plain fact, live with it! .ani is solo cruising till the end!
8. take one awesome vacation alone to discover myself, the place, the people - live to tell the tale and immortalise the experience via words and images

YeeeeGAWD!!!! If I manage even 1 of these successfully, it might have worth trying to come up with some form of resolution for the year ahead. Haven't made any in a long time - almost allergic to the words resolutions but let's see. Apparently a new year means a new slate to go do what we can with it. So .ani is going to go do her best with 2009.

Like I said in my post from last year (waaaaaa like so long ago only), got me gear and am ready - afterall I've had 37 yrs of survival training ... its going to come to good use no doubts as I walk into my 38th battle scarred but still alive and kicking ....

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all ...

1 comment:

anfield devotee said...

waaaah, poor you.

Fook off la!

Me had to spend new year's eve . . . SOBER!!! So stop feeling sorry fer yerself . . .