Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

15 April 2009

Plain Disappointing ... Apr 15, 2009

Exactly 6 years ago today, was the last time my girls saw their father. So last month when during the divorce negotiations, he'd said that by Apr 15th 2009 he'd be up to date with all the unpaid interim maintenance for the kids, first of 3 parts of the settlement between him and her with me and the proposals for his part in the future education of the girls, I was somewhat bemused.

So I waited for this date because although I know him and his current influencers and knew giving him the benefit of the doubt was really useless on my part, I did try to see a sliver of hope in this man I once loved, once married, carried his daughters and long since agreed to give up because he chose to be anywhere else but here. But the principle still stands.

You bring children into the world, you show responsibility towards their well-being. Any man with half a brain and a spot of humanity would agree. But we ARE speaking of my biggest misadventure.

Anyhows all it did was reinforce why I am so much happier today then I was when I was with him. Because a man should show responsibility. It cannot be forced. It cannot be taught. It's inherently either in you or it is not. Hmmmm a point for all to ponder ... don't you think?

Imagine if I too decided to footloose and fancy free. Since afterall my parents are there, I ditch the kids and go on some merry frolicking, mindless about MY kids. Man the world, even HE would have jumped to point out how unworthy a human being I am. But how is it that somehow the rules bend and changes when it applies to him?

Some might argue then that he has family now. He is totally a responsible father to his son and the mother of that child. But err what about the family he ditched?

So after my conversation with my lawyer and the joyless news he gave me, I went on to work did what I had to ensure I have a salary at the end of the month although my days are definitely numbered here. Because money has to come in to keep my girls and me going forward ... you don't say!

There is a thing called karma. Some think they are invincible, life has an amazing way of humbling people. I know I have very often been humbled to the point where my views on life and how I work my way through the insanity of everything and all the challenges has evolved and continuously evolving.

To be overall good mommy, I have to live life within my capacity to the fullest. Be whole myself. These things that he keeps doing or in this case NOT doing irk me occasionally. But in true .ani spirit, I find something funny about the whole episode and I laugh it off.

I think I shall go think about my next blog piece it is a spin off of my Goats and Camels ... a new element called the Rabbit. It's still sorta forming in my mind ... till then happy trails ...

And YES Jacob, you managed to momentarily make me curse your entire world - which is not a good thing, but only momentarily then I chose to not remember you. After all I got better things to do with life ... amongst them is being so so so undeniably happy :)) ...

Hmmmmmmmmmm ... is it new possibilities out there I can smell ... oh super yum! ...

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