Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

4 January 2008

I Like Your Smile Jan 4, 2008

Tell me people what gives here... every single chap I meet online (I never meet chaps offline or in real life - I wonder why???) first opening line will be a variable of these lines - and I am hardly susceptible to believing strangers but here are some classics I get
  1. Hey sexy lady I like your smile
  2. That's a smile I'd like to wake up to every morning
  3. Mysterious smile, tell me more
  4. I'm in love with your smile
Like firstly AHEM! what's with my smile??? I look and look and look at the pictures I've put up, ok so I am smiling fairly decently, I managed to avoid the squint just as the camera clicked ... but it's an everyday smile ... nothing to it .. so whatcha boys going on about???

I mean if my smile was THAT alluring and I refrain from saying it's hot because I don't believe it to even be alluring leave alone anything else ... why is my social life screaming ZERO!!!!

My phone never rings with the many single available male numbers I happen to have on my mobile.
No one is stopping dead in their tracks on the streets and fawning over my so called smile ...
I've not won any toothpaste advertisement contracts to date with this 'madonna like gap' smile ...

So I ask again what gives ... I used to be smarty pants and shrug off the smile compliments (I am terrible with compliments, have no clue how to accept any) but these days, I just say a polite thank you ... if my smile makes you want to say it go ahead ...

Of course then again there are those who take that thank you into the next level and yet again there are many variables to the next level ... online usually the next statement will go something like "do you have webcam, I want to see you" which will then lead to "do you do cybersex" - like whatcha talking about Willis (pun not intended) - one moment you like my smile, the next moment you want me to cyber screw you???

Ok I don't get no action (totally of my own doing this self imposed celibacy - heck there are times I'd like to get downright naughty too but ... is it worth it??) but cybersex is NOT my cup of tea either ... I do really prefer the real thing *grin* - talk about brutal honesty yet again from ani ...

So apparently ani now is the proud owner of a smile that men AND women like - it must be that gullible look you think??? Many people also tell me my smile reveals my heart is good (HAH!!! they have not for the life of them seen my dark side then ... afterall if I were to be like ANIkin Skywalker who crossed over to the dark side, wielding light saber and all I'd be doing the nasty on people heehehehhe)

A good heart - now that's also a compliment. So that's 2 positives about me ... YAY!!! I am not such a despicable sorry excuse of space afterall.

It also strikes me as odd as in this is the same bloody smile (ok ok its not bloody I merely wanted to emphasise here!) I've had since like forever. Look at my photos damn it ... from the age of 1 I think, I have the same look and the same smile ... it's like a masquerade mask I wear, that hides all the misadventures thus far experienced and also the same unwavering smile I have no matter how chaotic or turbulent my life presently is. I have no doubt in the fast encroaching future, this same smile will be ever present.

I smile now in adversity (like I say it completely confuses my enemies)
I smile even when my heart is breaking
I smile when something touches my soul
I smile at the idiosyncrasies of mankind and the effects it has on me
I smile sometimes for no apparent reason and people think look at ani she's always smiling

If only people knew how I have therapeutic eyes balling out sessions whilst I drive to and from work lost in my own thoughts and challenges and struggles. Then there is no smile and yet I find sometimes I smile even through my tears, a melancholic cynical smile at the misadventures that for the present haunt my existence.

But to the average person, ani smiles all the time, she's such a happy go lucky person ... I guess I have learnt that what you project out to the masses is what the masses buy to be the truth - strange world.

I don't ever remember Jacob ever telling me my smile was beautiful or that he liked it (makes me think, did I smile when I was with him??) although others have told me they like my smile ...

Funny how powerful a smile can be and what depths it can reach ... the simple upturn of mouth and lips in a social situation, and wallah! you have magic!

I am not sure if all those terribly young testosterone driven young men who 'hit' on me online mean it when they compliment my smile or it is a means to an end in their minds ... nor if the equally testosterone driven older guys mean it either - although with the age brackett I do find myself becoming friends with some whom after the initial faux paus, we settle on an amiable workable friendship ...

What I am wondering is really what is it that people mean when they say I like your smile because that way I'd be better able to understand what they expect of me, especially if its a guy who is saying it. Females are not likely to tell me that unless I have known them for like forever ... or they are older ladies wondering if behind this smile I could be pushed off to some guy they have in mind as the perfect saviour to my 'circumstance' not like I've asked anyone to find me anything ...

Sigh! So you like my smile, great! now what ...... *grin*

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