Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

10 June 2008

Passing Out... June 10, 2008

It's been a week of death or rather news of deaths of people I know.

First was the passing of VP Thomas uncle who happens to be the father of my parish priest. He'd suffered a heart attack a week back in Singapore and when I visited him Saturday with mom, it was so sad to see him in so much pain. He passed away on Sunday morning.

Sunday evening, I got a text message informing another senior citizen has passed away. I had no personal interactions with this uncle but I knew one of his sons - used to be a huge hottie back in the 80s ... And although I did not know the family well, I felt saddened on their loss.

Last night as I was preparing to sleep off a huge migraine probably induced by the ever increasing stress of finances and work, I got a call from another long time friend Aby. And he informed me that 'Daddy' or rather my brother's Godfather has passed away 5pm IST. I was again numbed.

I loved his hairy beary big man. Images of him in his typical estate manager's garb of knee length shorts, and shirt and white socks and sturdy shoes and his big smile. His hearty laugh. I remembered all the homes I spent my school holidays in with him and his wife my Godmother, and their children whom I considered cousins for the longest time ever even though PK Varghese Baby uncle was related to my dad through marriage. His wife and my dad's brother's wife are sisters.

I looked forward to the school vacations which coincided with Shaji, Sheela and Sherry's school breaks and we'd all chill together. And I have to say, it must have been all that time we spent together, that soon I found myself with a 10 year old crush on Sherry (Malayalees always have weird names Sherry is a guy). Can you imagine a crush that starts quite innocently from around 9ish, and lasts till ... oh who am I kidding, I still have a soft spot for Sherry till this day. He'll always be my most favourite guy in the whole wide world, just because there was once a time he did tell me he liked me too. That was a long time ago.

Today he is a proud father of 2 beautiful daughters and with a lovely wife, Shaji is a father to 1 girl and a set of twin boys, and Sheela a mom to 3 grown boys ... how time flies.

The last time I saw Daddy, was in 95 he was still hale and hearty and it was like before when he was working here in Malaysia. Daddy returned to Kerala in 89 after retiring. Since then his health has been in the decline over the years. I think Alzheimer's was kicking in bad.

It's when they are no longer that memories come rushing back and I feel my eyes cloud up remembering a carefree childhood that is now a distant memory.

More and more I realise how fragile and uncertain our tomorrows are. All the uncles who have passed on this week are all above their 70s. And I hope that they have all lived meaningful enriching happy lives. I am 37 and I cannot say I have lived a meaningful enriching life thus far and it remains a hope of mine that in those last moments of my life, I will leave smiling knowing I have accomplished to the best of abilities all that I set out to.

I intend to speak with Sherry later today on the funeral arrangements. I wish I could at the drop of a hat pick up a ticket and fly out to send Daddy to his final resting place, but alas this is not so and I can only offer my condolences and prayers for the family as they come to terms with their loss.

Take a moment my friends to look around you, at your loved ones and at those you call friend. May you never find regret in your final moments that you did not say all you had to say to those who mean the world to you. Life is fragile and snuffable at a snap of fingers.

Here today, gone tomorrow. Live your life touching the lives of those around you positively and leave only happy memories to warm their hearts when thoughts of you come to mind.

God bless the souls of the departed uncles three. God bless the lives of those who are left behind in mourning ... may they always be safe and protected in your loving arms ...

Keep safe always ...

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