Why I Write ...

Purely as a form of expression to the emotions that run riot in my life at different junctures. This blog has seen several title revisions that also reflect the state of being and evolution I am constantly in. If one were to remain stagnant in hope of never changing their temporal present, one will awaken someday to much regret. Life is about living, evolving and adapting to the constant changes all around us.

My spot on the web is essentially a journey along with my monologue ramblings of my coherent mind accompanied by the incoherent thing called life. Read me if you like ... if you don't it is not the end of the world. I am at the very least a believer in humility lifts us further than pride.

Happy trails

28 March 2008

The Comedy of Being Mar 28, 2008

It has always made me smile at the sense of comedy our existence in this world holds for each of us, usually in individually and at times as a collective.

I find it extremely interesting that people who blog, somehow believe in the preservation of their anonymity more so when their blog(s) are peppered with images, references to mutually known people and still somehow convince themselves that they remain an enigma to those who stop to read their rants, raves, ramblings.

Personally I have long ago dispelled this notion. I found strangers dropping me notes about an entry I might have made that seemed to have some effect either negative or positive to their well-being. I have found that people I know are also prone to 'web-stalking' me and thus I believe there is no such thing as an anonymity preserved ... DEAL with the fact that someone out there is going to know you from Adam somehow.

My blogs are a no holds barred type online diary for me ... something I got more serious about early 2006 although from as early as 1996 when I first came into this online phenomenon, I've been a WYSIWYG type girl. I write what I think, what I feel. My language at most times is not for the pansies and pretenders :)) ... I call a prick a prick as much as I call a spade a spade :)


All it means is that if I take anything seriously enough, I talk about it. Sometimes it seems I am talking to myself .. other times to the unknown audience ... but I care about 2 hoots maybe less if you think me any lesser for my vulnerabilities as much for my strengths. Coming to the terms with the fact that everyone has an opinion and most often in total contention with mine has made my angst over the years less and my gastric is not in reflux mode so often these days *ehehehhe*

Most often the comment I get is people already know me even before they meet me in person. I am apparently transparent. OK..... if you say so. I dunno. Am I?? I think most of the time I am in some paradoxical flux that it's hard to say really is this the real me or not. I read the other day an interesting quote ... I have to share it with you ...
We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. -Francois, duc de La Rochefoucauld, moralist (1613-1680)
Now here we are ... with something that makes absolute sense to me. Does it to you in anyway? ... All of us in our interactions social or professional tend to carry images of what we want to be seen as and work damn hard to transfer this belief over to the other person.

What is most interesting about this is often this is a guise, a portrayal of the person we subconsciously aspire to be. What is more interesting is, prolonged exposure to such allusions of character, we soon convince ourselves this is me. The Truest form of me.

The danger in all of this is naturally the fact that the other person if they have 2 peas between their brain might have concluded that all this presentation of you is actually a total misrepresentation of the truth - that is dangerous and in an odd way sad.

Because then you look like you're trying too hard to be seen as someone you can only aspire to be but in reality never achieve. Having said this however, it is possible that you actually manage to 'fool' everyone around you with your charade and many faces.

Then comes this other question. When you look at yourself in the mirror - who is it that looks back at you? You without the myriad of masks you have accustomed to deck yourself with or you in one of the many roles you carry? Do you ever find yourself disconcerted with the fact that someone might be unto you and your disguises?

I dunno. I lived a part of my life in a denial of some of the misadventures that I'd experienced along this journey. Then I began to accept and acknowledge that some of these misadventures were part of a bigger picture to where I am heading to as a person. Of late, as boring as I might end up sound or being, I've decided to shed any form of pretense from my interactions.

I make no bones about being me. Rude obnoxious to some, others find me wholesomely real ... some like me. Others don't. I am not about to take a shotgun to their heads and demand that they put me on some pedestal and worship my being. PUHHHLLLEEEZZZZZ!

Actually I am in some ways happy when people just leave me alone to my ramblings. The current preoccupation in my mind in my alone moments ... is the potential of fictionalising my life. I swear the number of misadventures I've had along with that of my family and loved ones - there's a wonderful opportunity to Booker Prize, Academy Award type material here to be exploited.

I've this odd idea that if one day someone put me on a stage with just one dim light casting shadows across the expanse of the stage, I'd talk my life through in a monologue interspersed with Lady Macbeth type soliloquies, voice variations of the various characters that have peppered my life and the audience would not be able to discern truth from fiction ... because the inter relativity of reality and fiction is seamless.

Hush! Enough of my rambling here ... what was the original point?

Oh yeah disguises and the eventuality that we are in ourselves fooled by these guises we initially had control over. I then choose to be undisguised. Transparent perhaps to an extent. That makes me seem gullible and simpleton. Perhaps I am. I have no false notions of being street smart like some others I know and least of all I don't even pretend to be so ... no point.

But the one thing I have come to acknowledge ... that in this curiously trial ridden existence there is indeed a Comedy of Being ... in being you or me or whoever our disillusioned minds tell us we are ...

What says you??

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